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  • 1 Post By knight78
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Thread: One-itis advice for an ex-gf I would like to win back

  1. #1
    knight78 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Question One-itis advice for an ex-gf I would like to win back

    I'm 35, from Northern Colorado (up near Loveland area). I never thought I'd be on a site like this, however a co-worker suggested several PUA books and I figured I'd try my luck here for advice. It can't be any worse than my co-worker's advice of "get a bucket of KFC and find a fat chick. Offer her the food to suck your d1ck."

    I consider myself an average guy, not ripped, yet no six pack or bulging muscles, about 6'2", decent job (tho it's graveyard shift), and 3 kids who live with my ex. Generally a well liked guy with others and women my ex-wife knew used to hit on me while we were married.

    I married young and after 11 yrs we divorced. Over the next 3 years I was on multiple online dating sites such as Match and PoF. May of 2012 while I was chatting up several women I received a "this woman wants to meet you" alert. At first I was a bit surprised as she was quite beautiful and most who approached me were larger and blah looking. Since she had a military type job like my ex I decided not to reply. In Oct 2012 I found myself still single and figured what the hell... I contacted this woman and said something along the lines of "You chose me as someone you were interested to meet several months ago, if you're still open to meeting, let's chat and see where this takes us."

    We ended up chatting off and on for a few months, she was usually quite busy with a full time job, part time job, military weekend every 3rd week, and some college classes. Just a bit of a workaholic... Eventually in late Jan 2013 we managed to meet up. At the first instant you could almost feel the tingle in the air. Our 30 minute date ended up lasting almost 2 hrs, we didn't even notice the time. Not wanting to end things odd we hugged and went our seperate ways with plans to meet up again soon.

    Later that night she texted me asking why I didn't kiss her. I told her I don't kiss on the first date. I don't recall specifics of second date, but I picked her up for it. When I went to drop her off she leaned in for a kiss. I told her it had been some time since I had kissed anyone except my kids. She teased me and eventually we kissed. Kissing lasted a long time and she was moaning. Apparently my kissing style is referred to as "the baby maker" (I found this out later).

    Moving on, things went wonderful for a while. Over time I found she was married twice. First guy cheated on her, second guy married her while everyone was drunk in Vegas - but since he was a nice guy she tried to make it work. Until she learned he was an abusive, alcoholic, manipulative, controlling bastard. Things ended after a short 4 months. Because of her past, I found her to freak out at times she was most happy. Such as, we're snuggled up in bed, I'm holding her in my arms, and she started crying. I ask her what was wrong and why she was crying. She says she's crying because she is happy, I was everything she wanted and hoped to find. Then within minutes she's getting dressed and running for her car. That was probably the worst freak out she had, but she's admitted to getting scared to commit because of past guys and pushing away. I made a comment about being stubborn, not giving up, and a glutton for punishment.

    Then things began to sour... Around my birthday in May 2013 she'd reserved this cabin with a hot tub for a four day weekend. The day before we were to go, I found out I had strep throat... Wonderful timing right... Eventually she stopped being upset. Then over the summer vacation, both her son and my children came to visit. We had fun together, amusement parks, bowling, video games, roller skating, etc. My ex found out and blew up... I made a comment about "nothing spoils a happy mood than a visit from the ex." The GF seemed a bit distant afterwards.

    Now, last Saturday we were out getting some items for Christmas and stopped to get lunch. Midway thru she says something like, "I love you, but because of various little aspects I want us to be friends. I want to reactivate my Match account and start seeing other people, you should too." (By various aspects she means her dreaming I dump her for fat chicks, I had strep throat, she once asked to see a pic of my ex after we'd had several bottles of wine - and like a dumbass I found one to show her, and other things that seem like she was digging for a way to justify running...)

    Moving on, I had browsed several PUA forums, youtube links, and advice from my brother and coworkers. Basic advice was cold turkey cut her off. Which I have as much as I have been able to. Her mother wanted to borrow an item, I'd agreed to loan it about a month ago. I avoid lies and breaking promises... Just the way I am. Did not see the ex-gf when I dropped it off Thurs. On Friday I went to pick up my kids. She'd texted saying "have a safe trip, thanks for the item, call me when you get back "

    I debated it, but ended up calling. Rang until voicemail. I said, "Voicemail, not surprised. Drive was fine, kids are good. Bye" She called me about less than 10mins later and I basically replied with 1-2 word replies. Told her I was busy cooking kids food and we hung up. Later that night (at 00:17 / 12:17am), she texted me "Sweet dreams. Miss you" I didn't reply.


    Now, this is a woman who, tho she may be a bit crazy, I would like to get back together with. She is everything I had wanted in a woman (sad as that sounds) and had appeared to be getting "less crazy" over time. Advice on how to proceed?


    Additional info:
    I admit I made some mistakes, I was too available. Several times she would pull the "sad puppy dog eyes" and I would cave in to her request. Probably more that I'm not aware of too...

    The last time she was like this, I went out with another woman. It was only one date as she was a bit crazier than I wanted to deal with. (as in leave everything you have and move into my parent's basement with me) When the now ex-gf found out she was "and you didn't tell me" with a possible hint of anger and jealousy...

    When I would ask advice from others, typical reply was "she's crazy" and has issues with commitment.

    I'm in really good standing with her family. He mother adores me, her son asks her why we aren't married, and her sister and cousin like me a lot.

    Her mother told me she hasn't seriously been doing much on looking for new men and apparently is confused and not sure what she wants.

    Final oddity that doesn't really pertain to this. In looking back at past women I've dated, I seem to be "Good Luck Chuck" and what I mean by that is that I hear from friends and coworkers (or even occasional facebook message from those former women) all end up married to the guy after me... Or at worst engaged with plans for wedding soon. Odd right?



    Again, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
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    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: One-itis advice for an ex-gf I would like to win back

    simple, cut her off and start seeing other woman. ignore her until she is begging for your attention (probably a couple months) and then take her out as a friend, if she says she wants back with you don't fall for it. keep her in your friendzone. date as many other woman as possible, and then after several months of contemplating and banging other chicks, decide if you still feel the same about her.

    if you decide you want her after all that time of not thinking about her at all, then set up an awesome night out with her and go for a kiss when she's at an emotional high (like laughing, or excitement)

    if you decide you don't want her, then just stay friends with her.

    btw, I'm going to say she's probably seeing another guy and that's why she cut you off and told you she was going to try finding another guy. and she's keeping you around for security, knowing that she can go back to you if her new relationship doesn't work out is quite reassuring to her.

  3. #3
    knight78 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: One-itis advice for an ex-gf I would like to win back

    Already planning to avoid all possible contact with her, hard to resist at times but I'm fighting every urge to.


    As for another guy, I doubt that one at this time based on several reasons:

    She requires men to make the first move on everything. As in He must send her the first message, he must initiate further progress, etc. (Her words and actions based on the 15 months of my time with her).

    Up until she told me about wanting to see others, we'd gone out every weekend or she came over to my place and we watched movies, etc.

    She lives with her mother. Her mother likes to frequently wander past to keep an eye on everyone. Zero chance to sit alone in a room with lights out or the ex-gf's bedroom.

    And if her mother is to be trusted. The ex-gf isn't seriously looking right now because of a possibility to be deployed in 2014. Plus when I dropped off item on Thursday, her mother said she's been coming home and frumping around most of the night...



    She found out I was saving for "the ring" and made mention of it when she told me she wanted to split too. (Possible tie in with her fear of commitment / being hurt again)

    I could be over analyzing things tho, so I'll just sit back and try not to sound like a complete schmuck. Keep the advice coming tho, everything helps.

  4. #4
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: One-itis advice for an ex-gf I would like to win back

    The ex-gf isn't seriously looking right now because of a possibility to be deployed in 2014.
    she may have decided to dumped you because of that possibility...
    she doesn't want to fear the possibility of being cheated on while she's deployed (witch may well have happened with one of her husbands)

    you're best option is to wait. if she gets deployed, you're going to have to forget about her. if she doesn't then she should try to get back with you if that was her reason.

    if she try's to get back with you, give her a chance at it, but don't jump right away on her opportunity for you to get back with her. instead give her an opportunity to win you over. keep her seeking your affection and not the other way around.


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