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  1. #1
    joejoe1084 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Oneitis, it's great, but,,,

    It happened before.

    But, I want it to happen this time because she's wanting it to happen, and I (hope) I've got enough experience/skill.

    So Karen is an HB7. To me, however, she's an HB9. Her personality, long term goals, religion, viewpoints are the same.
    The problems:
    *She's from the Philippines, a third world country, and I'm from the States.
    *She's flat-chested/butt
    *She has an 85% exciting personality. As in, she doesn't push back very much. She's passive. I like a little more aggressive personality in a girl.

    All of these cons are absolutely absurd. But...so is the mind. She's a better catch than I am, she makes more money than I do. But I feel like society will totally look down on me for being married to her, like I couldn't find an American chick so I went to a third world country...

    Granted, we do know each other. We've hung out a bit, in person. But there's a slight feeling I've got that's holding me back.

    Maybe I can push her somehow to be more aggressive?

  2. #2
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Oneitis, it's great, but,,,

    Quote Originally Posted by joejoe1084 View Post
    But, I want it to happen this time because she's wanting it to happen, and I (hope) I've got enough experience/skill.
    You think she wants it, but you haven't really listed any of the signs that she has shown that would make anyone here confident in your statement that she wants a relationship to happen. In addition, if you only think that you might have a chance, then you really don't have one at all. If you can't confidently say that you have the experience and skill to get this girl, then you should just move and not even bother.

    Quote Originally Posted by joejoe1084 View Post
    So Karen is an HB7. To me, however, she's an HB9. Her personality, long term goals, religion, viewpoints are the same.
    The problems:
    *She's from the Philippines, a third world country, and I'm from the States.
    *She's flat-chested/butt
    *She has an 85% exciting personality. As in, she doesn't push back very much. She's passive. I like a little more aggressive personality in a girl.
    Here is something that you're going to have to realize and face: you're not going to get a girl that perfectly falls within your interests. Her flat chest is an issue? Please, my girlfriend doesn't have an ass and she hates all food that isn't plain, and you aren't seeing me breaking up with her over that. It's all a matter of seeing past the negatives to look at the positives. Basic economic theory: if the positives outweigh the negatives, then do it!

    Quote Originally Posted by joejoe1084 View Post
    All of these cons are absolutely absurd. But...so is the mind. She's a better catch than I am, she makes more money than I do. But I feel like society will totally look down on me for being married to her, like I couldn't find an American chick so I went to a third world country...
    Why are you worried about what other people will think? Nobody is going to judge you for choosing who you like. In addition, we're coming back to the issue of confidence. Who cares if she makes more money than you? Your ultimate goal is to always make yourself the prize. Once again, if you can't have confidence and love for yourself, then you might as well not bother with her.

    Quote Originally Posted by joejoe1084 View Post
    Maybe I can push her somehow to be more aggressive?
    That won't work. I can tell you that I have tried this before several times, and people do not like it when others try to change them according to what they like. You could try and nudge her into expressing herself and cutting loose, but you also run the risk of releasing something that you would rather not want. If her true colors are not what you want, then you can't really do anything to change the pastel given to you other than get rid of it and try another one.

    Overall, your big problem appears to be a lack of confidence in yourself. All you have to do is believe, and you can do so much better in your game.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  3. #3
    cdharders's Avatar
    cdharders is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Oneitis, it's great, but,,,

    I'm going to have opinions a little different from Swagman here, though I see where he's coming from...

    First, sounds like you and her haven't spent a lot of time together which means you're more in love with the idea of her than her.

    To fall into oneitis, it's a matter of putting enough skin in the game, by telling her deeply emotional stories and insights about you, financially investing, time investing. But decide whether you really want that first.

    You cannot determine she is better than you based on income.

    You cannot change her core personality, though you can change some of her habits.

    It is absurd for her looks NOT to matter. If you are attracted to tits and ass, find a girl with the personality you like with tits and ass. Why numb the stimulation your brain feels towards these features? It doesn't make sense. There is a woman you can find with the exact features you are looking for if that's what you want.

    Why do you want to throw yourself into one itis so bad?
    The Official Tinder Playbook--> http://conquerdatingapps.co m <--Stop swiping, start hooking up


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