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  • 2 Post By cdharders
  • 1 Post By TheDuke
  • 1 Post By DirectIsBest

Thread: Is this a Sh1T Test?

  1. #1
    CaConfused is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Is this a Sh1T Test?

    Hey guys,

    I've been going out with this girl - date 7. 6 weeks. Only gotten to second base.

    She is extremely smart, witty.

    One thing that sorta has me off-guard is that she is almost always picking on things that I say or do. Some are more humorous than others, like picking on the way that I make sushi. And some aren't, like when she says "So that's why you're divorced".

    So far, I just blow it off, or don't react, or pick on her back. She often says how she likes how I'm not a baby about things. But it's getting to me a little. What would you guys do? What's the PUA way to make them back down?

  2. #2
    cdharders's Avatar
    cdharders is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is this a Sh1T Test?

    Wrong thought. All you want to do is dodge and redirect. Never fall into a frame battle. Never try to make them back down.

    Redirecting focus is the most effective strategy. Agree with whatever she says (She's not used to this) then follow up with a question or statement about something else. Teases back at her are a demonstration of things getting to you.

    Why do you think you've only gotten to 2nd base with her?
    The Official Tinder Playbook--> http://conquerdatingapps.co m <--Stop swiping, start hooking up

  3. #3
    CaConfused is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Is this a Sh1T Test?

    Good question on why only second base. It only escalated to that one our last date.

    She also sent me a follow up text saying how great the date was.

    She's exhibiting all other forms of interest. I have sorta chalked it up to just wanting to take it slow. She's a marriage/family therapist so maybe she thinks more about that stuff.

    I'll try frame redirect? Usually I just laugh at it. Does that work too?

    One other comment she made that I couldn't understand the intent of... she also said "most guys want to propose to me in like two dates." Can't remember the context. I think she mentioned it when she mentioned that some ex in her hometown is trying to contact her.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Is this a Sh1T Test?

    If she's just being funny then take it light heartedly, but if you don't like it pretend like she didn't say anything and ignore her.
    "I've never seen anyone pull as quickly or as efficiently as you"
    -HarryRat(Simplepicku p)

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Is this a Sh1T Test?

    Agreed with Rooster and cdharders. If you are in the middle of merriment and she makes a comment along the lines of "so that's why you're divorced", for example, then she isn't serious. A very important trait for a good pua to have is a carefree attitude about negativity. Yea, she might of cracked out something that hurts a little for you, but it was a joke, shake it off!

    As for the proposal comment, it is a generalization. I would have just joked around and ridiculed it, like saying "Oh yea, well unfortunately it takes three dates to get me down on a knee, and that is if I really love the lady in question "
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Is this a Sh1T Test?

    I can't agree with cd on this one. Agreeing with whatever a woman says is a big no-no if you don't actually agree. If you don't like something a woman does there are several things you can do:

    1. Call out the behavior and tell her you don't like when she does it. Let her blow off the steam this will create, then move on. Don't engage her more than just calling out the behavior though.

    2. Refuse to engage her on that level. If she says something you don't like, just change the subject/redirect. But don't agree with her. By agreeing with her you're reinforcing negative behaviors.

    3. If she's just playing and you're being overly sensitive, then maybe you just need to get playful back.

    Don't just agree and move on though. That's really passive aggressive and it won't solve your problem. You'll end up harbouring resentment towards her and she'll end up confused because you're verbally encouraging that type of behavior but your body language will be all negative.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Is this a Sh1T Test?

    I agree with TheDuke. If you don't actually agree with a woman let her know.


    If you call her out on the behavior don't get angry or emotional. Just let her know this is unnaceptable to you then drop it. If you let a woman know your boundaries and your serious about it, she will respect your boundaries and you.


    Also, recognize that she could just be playful and you are taking it the wrong way. Don't over analayze what a woman says because they rarely mean what they say. That's why men and women have such a hard time communicating. Men are direct and women are indirect by nature. Men stand by their word and women talk about how they feel at the present moment. Since this is how women communicate taking anything they say literally, like you would a man, is a mistake.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Is this a Sh1T Test?

    Duke and Direct do make a good point, but there is an extent to where I have to disagree. Yes, it is important to establish your boundaries of what is acceptable for you. As Duke stated, if you do it too much, or some of it is over menial things, then it really doesn't make any sense for you to snap at her. You have to be willing to take some playful jabs if you want to have an enjoyable relationship, and you can't be afraid to return the favor as well. It's all a matter of being able to understand when she is playful and when she is serious.

    However, I don't really like the idea of "putting a woman in her place", which this method implies. If you ask in a polite way for her to drop the topic, I am willing to accept that. However, if you snap at her in a demanding and affirmative way, as if you are trying to establish yourself as the dominant one in the relationship, then I am strictly opposed to that. Manners like that I consider to be the least like what a true man should embody. I've also seen it have the effect of driving the woman in question away when the guy she's dealing with is a stick in the mud who can't take a joke.

    So, in summary, I would say to have your boundaries of what you can and can't tolerate. Not everything is serious, but not everything is a joke either.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X


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