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  • 1 Post By Suave Kino

Thread: Need help: Came on too strong and beta like

  1. #1
    Fantastical is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help: Came on too strong and beta like

    Hey all! I am new to the forum but learning a ton! Thanks for such a great resource!

    My LT GF of 8 years and I mutually broke up a few months ago. We basically just grew apart. Still talk. No hard feelings. Everything is ok. Needless to say, I am pretty new to the dating scene again. Been with a few now after the breakup. But still new.

    Fast forward two weeks after the breakup… There is a girl on my soccer team that I knew had a thing for me and to be honest I’ve always found her cute. When chatting we’ve just always clicked you know? I’ve always acted alpha and I knew she had a thing for me. Anyways she knew about my recent breakup with a LTGF and everything and she knew it had been just a couple weeks since we broke up.

    There is no two ways about it... I asked her out because I was lonely and wanted to replace the companionship that I had once received from my ex. So the timeline is as follows:
    1. Ask her out to a movie. Says yes. Movie goes good. We go for a drink after chat. Hit it off. Drop her off at home.
    2. Now the problem… I start texting her during the week and doing things I didn’t know not to do (overtext, smilies, exclamations, not alpha, very friend like…)
    3. We hang out on the weekend at her house. Watch a movie. Make out after. Shirts comes off. Good. She’s on her rag so nothing else happens. She asks me to stay over. I say yes. Good sleep. Good cuddles. Great right?
    4. Next morning she has to work. I overstay and tell her to kick me out when she wants me to leave. Long story short she was late to work and her hair was probably wet. Definitely beta move…
    5. Next week… Overtext some more. The whole time she is texting back like normal and I think everything is cool.
    6. Go over for a movie on the weekend again. She asks me to stay over but she is tired. I don’t try anything. She sleeps in a shirt and bra instead of just my shirt like the last weekend. I leave a bit sooner the next morning…
    7. Next night we go for dinner and she starts asking me about my ex and my relationship, what I feel about it, etc. I think she was trying to figure out if she was a rebound.
    8. That night she comes over to watch a movie (I now make better dates other than just lame movies). Ask her to stay over. She says she needs to go home. She’s acting weird.
    9. Next day text her hi. She doesn’t text back. Send her a big long text talking about how she isn’t a rebound and stuff. Basically the complete alpha opposite. Terrible move.

    She doesn’t reply all week. Team goes for beer after and she makes an obvious attempt to sit near me. She talks to me and flirts with me just like normal. In social situations I am extremely alpha ( I now realize I become beta when I get attached to girls… need to work on that) and I know she sees this and likes it. She’s pretty flirty as am I. She ends up taking my wallet and going through all my cards bugging me about some of my pictures and stuff. Totally flirty. Anyways... afterwards we all decide that everyone is coming over to my place for drinks after. Right near when we were going to leave she asks me if she is invited to my place too. (Jokingly or serious I’m still not sure. If she was serious, maybe because she knows were done? [Part that scares me]) I say well of course even you! jokingly/flirty.

    At the end of the night She ends up falling asleep on my shoulder then gets ready to go home when everyone else is leaving. I don’t ask her to stay over. I start giving buddies hugs while they’re leaving and give her one too. She says she will text me and we will hang out sometime. I just casually say sounds good.

    A couple weeks go by. I go NC and she does the same. The next week at soccer she makes an obvious point of talking to me and asking how it’s going. By obvious I mean, she came off the field onto the bench huffing and puffing and asked me. Just really not a time you talk to someone, especially in this circumstance. I just said a casual not bad, you and kept my focus on the game.

    Afterwards beer with the team. We’re both our regular flirty chatty selves with each other. We walk to our cars just her and I and she mentions that she has a new roommate that texts too much. I laugh and say oh you mean like how I was. She says nah you weren’t that bad. I laugh and say are you kidding? Ya I was! Playing it off like I was being silly and that I am different now. I casually say see you later and we both leave.

    Send her a text an hour later saying… Oh by the way… you still owe me a movie. She texts back saying she was going to ask me but I already told her I had plans that night. I say well I’m free tomorrow. No reply until the next day. She is busy. I text back: Alright, I’m free Tuesday and Thursday. Take me somewhere fun.

    No reply back as of today (Tuesday).

    So if you have made it to this point… Thanks!

    Now I know she is enticed with me still. I’m alpha when we are hanging out (just not when I start over thinking things like this) so all I really need is another date with her.

    What would you guys do?


    Thanks!!

  2. #2
    Suave Kino's Avatar
    Suave Kino is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help: Came on too strong and beta like

    Would you please just sleep with her already? You're in a weird place because the situation stopped escalating. You were flirting and nothing happened...that equals weirdness.

  3. #3
    Fantastical is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help: Came on too strong and beta like

    True. But she won't commit to seeing me. I don't want to keep texting her and keep coming on too strong. I sent her a text Sunday saying I'm free tonight and thursday. Nothing.

    I don't know what to do to get her to meet up.

  4. #4
    Fantastical is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help: Came on too strong and beta like

    See her tomorrow night. Bump for help.

  5. #5
    Kyl3's Avatar
    Kyl3 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help: Came on too strong and beta like

    If you're seeing her tomorrow night what do you need help with? Closing?

  6. #6
    Fantastical is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help: Came on too strong and beta like

    See her tomorrow at soccer. But not sure what to do to get her to go out again. She has been NC anytime I ask her out. I should probably just NC her back I suppose eh?


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