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Thread: Gender Policing: What it is and why you shouldn't do it

  1. #1
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    Default Gender Policing: What it is and why you shouldn't do it

    This is a thread that has been in the making since October. It has been motivated by the large amount of bigotry and ignorance flooding today's society. The final breaking point for this post was made on this forum, taking a term that should be respected and transforming it into a crude insult.

    The homosexuality debate is not the thing I am here to talk about. What I am here to talk about is a matter of being respectful and doing the right thing.

    Back in October, I had the privilege to talk with a man who specialized in Gender Studies, and he had told me all of his findings around the subject of homosexuality from his own life experiences and from the research he had done around the country. In this talk, he introduced me to a new term, and it is a term that you fellow gentlemen should learn very well:

    Gender Policing

    Gender Policing is where you say or do something towards someone else that is supposed to guide them towards what you think is appropriate for the sex. For example, you're at the bar with your buddies and there's a girl that one of the guys notices. He's not in the mood to go after her because all he wants to do is just hang out and have a beer with his friends. You, thinking that you're doing him a favor, tell him "Dude, don't be gay, go after her!" Out of pain and fear of being considered something he is not, he reluctantly goes after her.

    A beer with friends is not the only area where you will see Gender Policing. It is found in fashion, it is found in advertising, and anything in the media will usually contain Gender Policing. It also isn't focused on a single sex. When you think "Hot Babe", one of the first things to come to mind is that Victoria's Secret ad with the big busty brunette in that silk underwear and high heels.

    Overall, it's an awful thing that massively promotes stereotypes and assumptions. If a friend of mine told me "god that looks gay" when I wore my favorite scarves, I would be seriously hurt and offended. It's just not cool, and in today's society where far more people are sensitive to what is said about them, it just isn't a good idea. It's also not cool to disrespect those not present. People like gays, lesbians and bisexuals are still fighting for their rights and acceptance in a society that continues to deny it to them.

    So what can be done to get rid of it?

    Unfortunately, it cannot be destroyed. It will always be everywhere you go. However, you can fight it by going against the flow. Don't be quick to chorale your friends, family, and colleagues into what their "proper" gender roles should be. Let them live their life as they enjoy it, and support and protect them as well. If you see someone else Gender Policing, shut them down right away and tell them that it just is not cool. Protect those who are not present, that should be your motto from now on.

    Doing this, and standing up for what is right, will make you far more of a better man than ever before. Please take this into consideration, and please follow it well. Thank you for your time.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Gender Policing: What it is and why you shouldn't do it

    maybe the better point of this thread should not just be about gender policing, but rather about bullying in general. always remember that what you say to people does affect them. there is a fine line between playfully teasing and downright bullying. i know many girls who are bullied by guys in their life. guys who try to game by lowering the self esteem of these girls are just plain pathetic. saying things that are hurtful towards others will get you no where in life.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Gender Policing: What it is and why you shouldn't do it

    There are aspects of bullying that can be found in Gender Policing. Bullying is unwanted harassment meant to make the harasser more powerful. However, just like not all Gender Policing is bullying, not all bullying is Gender Policing. No matter which one we're talking about, it does still come down to a matter of respect and doing what's right.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

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    Default Re: Gender Policing: What it is and why you shouldn't do it

    Gender policing is on the same principle of AMOG'ing so I wouldn't be surprised if it will take a long time for it to disappear. Doubt it will. Heterosexuality is the perceived dominant trait and with it comes society's paradigm of normality. Homosexuality being the minority is pushed into the annals of subordination.

    Through out history cultures have always had a knack of abusing the minorities in their societies. I'm actually not surprised to see the things happening in our TVs right now but what really shocks me is that even in 2014 where you'd think with so much enlightenment we've had from the past 50 years alone that we can finally learn to accept our differences and get along.

    Fear of the other that is unknown to us is a dangerous thing that stops us from accepting anything or anybody into our circle. As individuals, we do it to strangers we meet and until we truly understand them then they are never accepted into our circle. As a society we do it to other societies and prime example is the media construct of muslims and their culture. We scrutinise every aspects of their way of life but when we look at our own, we have more alcohol and drugs related deaths and more debts from gambling and yet it is simply easy to scrutinise theirs because we don't understand it.

    This is why I chose to be a misanthrope which is hilarious considering I'm in a PUA forum.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Gender Policing: What it is and why you shouldn't do it

    it does still come down to a matter of respect and doing what's right.
    food for thought; what determines what is right and what is wrong? different people have different ideas about morality. I do understand why gender policing happens. if you look at it from an evolutionary perspective, it pressures individuals into reproduction (something that same sex couples cannot accomplish)

    throughout history governments and religions have always done the exact same thing, they have ensured that reproduction occurs generation after generation. since homosexuals don't reproduce they are looked down upon by religions, governments and members of society. I believe society's purpose is to socialize its people to survive and replicate (as a whole society). anyone who doesn't contribute to those functions of society is punished socially by those who follow all the norms of society. this has been going on as long as mankind has existed.

    so is it morally right? that's debatable. some religious groups would say that its morally wrong to be different. most governments would just as well ignore the issue. most people don't even think about what's going on when they gender police. their parents did it to them when they were kids and they just carry on doing it like its not a big deal. odds are it will continue to happen for quite some time into the future. people will always be judgmental towards those who are not similar to them.

    weather its right or wrong is up to you and your moral compass. just remember, not everyone thinks the same, what is right to one man may be wrong to another. what is wrong to one man may be justifiably right to another.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Gender Policing: What it is and why you shouldn't do it

    Touche Meteora touche. You just had to play devils advocate didn't you. I agree, right and wrong isn't black and white, it's a WHOLE lot of grey.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Gender Policing: What it is and why you shouldn't do it

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    some religious groups would say that its morally wrong to be different.
    Oh my god do not get me started on philosophy and religion lol. I love that you're playing devil's advocate though, I fully support it! It contributes to a healthier discussion and it provides different perspectives on the issue, which is something that I like to see here on the forums.

    Standing up for your own beliefs is a good thing, and I fully support doing so. It's an essential part of the alpha male code. However, there are times where you know you need to keep your mouth shut for some reason. It doesn't matter what your religious stance or political beliefs are with homosexuality. All that matters is that you are conscientious of who you are affecting when you are Gender Policing. Respect those who are and who are not present, even if they conflict with your beliefs. That is also an essential part of the alpha male code.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

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    Default Re: Gender Policing: What it is and why you shouldn't do it

    Standing up for your own beliefs is a good thing, and I fully support doing so. It's an essential part of the alpha male code. However, there are times where you know you need to keep your mouth shut for some reason. It doesn't matter what your religious stance or political beliefs are with homosexuality. All that matters is that you are conscientious of who you are affecting when you are Gender Policing. Respect those who are and who are not present, even if they conflict with your beliefs. That is also an essential part of the alpha male code.
    i feel like i may have stepped on some toes here.... (not that i mind) i have never been one to keep my opinion to myself.

    i wouldn't say that gender policing is completely ethically wrong, it helps to define gender roles in society (and if you want to get technical pua defines gender roles for guys which could be considered gender policing)(and if i recall the name of a chapter in one of my pua books is "don't be a pussy" witch is a clear example of gender policing.)

    norms of society will always dictate how people act, those who break those norms will always be looked down upon. this "gender policing" topic is just one more example of socialization. how can you say socialization is wrong, without it there would be little or no reproduction.

    sociology and criminology are my two absolute favorite topics to study. don't get me started lol

    Touche Meteora touche. You just had to play devils advocate didn't you.
    i do realize i am being a bit antagonizing. i like to introduce other perspectives to conversations.

    Oh my god do not get me started on philosophy and religion lol.
    its interesting that you mention that. i am not the religious type (as I'm sure you probably aren't either) however, i have been doing extensive research into how religion is used as an element of sociological control. (i believe religion is the closest thing to mind control in existence.) (i also believe that moral ideology is relative to perspective)


    I love that you're playing devil's advocate though, I fully support it! It contributes to a healthier discussion and it provides different perspectives on the issue, which is something that I like to see here on the forums.
    yes a healthy discussion is what i seek. though if this is a topic that really affects you emotionally i will stop commenting. my goal was not to offend you or even change your view on the topic. i simply want to give the other perspective on the issue so that the readers themselves can decide for themselves. by providing evidence from both sides, hopefully the readers can get a better perspective on the issue so they may form there own opinions.

    i did not intend to hijack your thread or say what you stand for is wrong. I'm sure your beliefs are justifiable to you.

    maybe the better point of this thread is not so much to hate on those who gender police, but rather to be alpha enough to stand up for what you believe in and to be able to better resist peer pressure.

    and swagman, i don't want you to have any hard feelings towards me about this. are we cool man ?

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Gender Policing: What it is and why you shouldn't do it

    Dude, don't worry. We're all good, I'm even typing this with a smile on my face (that's not supposed to be the actual smile by the way lol). Like I said, I love it when someone challenges my perspectives, and I enjoy that you do it so much. It helps me learn, and it helps others learn.

    You haven't stepped on any of my toes, nor have you said anything offensive or anything that would emotionally upset me. It is really hard to get my angry or annoyed. You're right that I'm not religious, but I do like to tear it up with theology and philosophy a lot. We share too much in common for me to ever dislike you.

    You're right in that socialization and Gender Policing do define what are considered "the norm" in today's society. Then again, what has been the norm has always changed throughout the course of history. Back in ancient paganist times, bisexual and homosexual relationships were not uncommon. Alexander the Great actually had a gay lover. Religion, government, and society create all sorts of different norms, and I can guarantee you that 100 years from now our society and what the norm is will be incredibly different.

    I do think though that what is important is the individual. It doesn't matter what other define people as a man or a woman. If you follow your heart and you stand for your own beliefs, then that makes you all the more greater. As you said, it's "to be alpha enough to stand up for what you believe in and to be able to better resist peer pressure".

    As I have said time and time again, I will continue to stand for my beliefs. When it comes to pickup, I always try to maintain a liberal mindset, mainly because it keeps me open to new ideas and new possibilities. I can tell you that talking with you has expanded my insight on this, and your most recent summation of it is something I can follow and use. Thank you for being you meteora
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Gender Policing: What it is and why you shouldn't do it

    I always try to maintain a liberal Mindset, mainly because it keeps me open to new ideas and new possibilities.
    its good to see that you are just as open minded as I am

    I do like to tear it up with theology and philosophy
    yeah, I remember last semester I took a philosophy class, the problem with it was that the professor was the hardcore religious type. needless to say we had some rather interesting in class debates (that almost turned into a big argument over the existence of a god lol )

    You're right in that socialization and Gender Policing do define what are considered "the norm" in today's society. Then again, what has been the norm has always changed throughout the course of history. Back in ancient paganist times, bisexual and homosexual relationships were not uncommon. Alexander the Great actually had a gay lover. Religion, government, and society create all sorts of different norms, and I can guarantee you that 100 years from now our society and what the norm is will be incredibly different.
    I wouldn't say everything changes all that much. some things stay the same while other things are constantly changing. however I do agree with you that norms do change. as a matter of fact I would say that social norms change with every new generation.
    a good example of this is that my mother teaches at an elementary school, used to be she would have to yell at her kids for constantly wanting to go to the bathroom or for passing notes. now the kids bring there I-phones to school and her biggest problem is kids messaging each other during class. times have changed.


    If you follow your heart and you stand for your own beliefs, then that makes you all the more greater.
    so true, if nothing else is learned from pua, people should at least learn that statement. if you always do what you feel is right, you will have few regrets in life.


    I can tell you that talking with you has expanded my insight on this, and your most recent summation of it is something I can follow and use.
    I'm glad I could help, I'm always happy to have a good debate. (especially when its about something that both parties are knowledgeable about)

    We share too much in common for me to ever dislike you.
    you got that right man, maybe someday I will get the pleasure of sarging with you.

    Thank you for being you meteora
    you're welcome anytime, I've got more where that came from lol


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