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Thread: Hard to get and chasing girls.

  1. #1
    Kyl3's Avatar
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    Default Hard to get and chasing girls.

    How do you guys handle girls who play hard to get? I had a girl openly tell me she plays hard to get and head-games with guys she likes. She told me it after we hooked up after months of gaming her. Lol it was mentally exhausting doing it.
    So how do you guys handle girls like this? Do you chase them in a playful persistant way? Do you act un-caring and stay a challenge? Do you run tons of qualifiers on them to make them feel special? Do you just walk away?
    I'm confused as to what the best way to handle girls with trust issues who play hard to get would be.
    I run into these kinda girls a lot that's why and actually have feelings for a girl like this. Lol
    (It's not because they lack attraction or aren't interested, because I can see and feel it there, they just play games.)

    Hard to get girls as in:
    She doesn't reply. Or gives excuses when you invite her to things through text.
    Will kino you and flirt and give big IOI's then just walk away without saying bye.
    Will make strong eye-contact and purposely sit away from you so you have to go sit by her if you want to talk.
    Never invites you to hangout or initiates anything. They just wait for you even If they really miss you and want to hangout.
    Etc.

  2. #2
    cdharders's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hard to get and chasing girls.

    First, you are attracted to them because they are breaking rapport on you, aka flirting.

    Most effective strategy is to not respond to her IOIs and not show what she's doing is having an effect on you. And disqualifiers are key. I had a chick like that come to my work every day for a month. She was married and. Flirted with EVERYONE. I just stood and had conversation with her and ignored all her IOIs because I knew they weren't real. Then, I said "you couldn't handle me anyways. You act like this, but I know you're too PG-13 for me." She repeated those last words in disbelief and left.
    A week later, she hits me up to hang out. Never done that before. We meet. Go to my palxe, have sex. After we're finished and getting dressed, she goes "Bet you don't think in PG-13 now"
    Meanwhile, I'm smiling inside knowing the disqualifier Did what it was supposed to
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  3. #3
    Kyl3's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hard to get and chasing girls.

    Disqualifiers? Awesome, thanks.

  4. #4
    tkc32186 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Hard to get and chasing girls.

    i try to live by the motto "don't chase em, replace em"

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Hard to get and chasing girls.

    I agree with that Tkc, & believe most beginner guys should follow it. They say that so you're not so emotionally invested in a girl who's not invested in you, & so you don't get outcome dependent over one girl. If you just have really strong inner-game in my opinion and are high value then it doesn't matter. You do whatever you want for the most part.

    I just have a different style & strong inner-game so I tend to never give up until I get what I want. If I would of never persisted or "chased" certain girls, then I would of never got them. Kind of catch my drift?

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    Default Re: Hard to get and chasing girls.

    yeah, i'm more of a one and done type. i don't like to drag things out unless the chick is a 10 and worth it. i usually just hook up with randos and never talk to them again unless i see them out. i do have a few in the stable... but i get bored easily. for me the thrill is in meeting someone new, hooking up and moving onto the next

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Hard to get and chasing girls.

    Quote Originally Posted by tkc32186 View Post
    i do have a few in the stable... but i get bored easily.
    I like to call them "backups" I think they are definitely necessary.


    "Next best thing to a full tummy, is a full phone"

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  8. #8
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    Default Re: Hard to get and chasing girls.

    I'm curious though and I'm trying to think about this on a deeper level.
    Let me know if I'm wrong and your thoughts.
    Your outer game is a reflection of your inner game. You can fake it till you make it all you want, but eventually you're not going to calibrate correctly or she's going to sh1t test you and you're going to fail miserably.
    If your inner-game is solid and you do everything from a place of high value and you just don't care, can you hypothetically do literally anything you want and say anything you want? As long as you're confident and kino her in person and have a solid frame that's like 90% of anything you ever need know or do to attract women. Right?
    So you acting "needy" or "clingy" suddenly becomes persistant and knowing what you want just by the way you frame it, & how confident you are about it. Can you catch my drift at what I'm getting at?
    Guys get on here all the time and freak out about her flaking out or not texting back. But if their inner-game was solid it wouldn't even bother them, thus it's not a problem. They do what they want. She'll eventually accept the frame and follow. I feel like at least 90% of attraction can be built just by having your inner-game down and emotions under control and just being yourself. Everything else is just artificial and eventually your not going to calibrate right and mess up, because you're not that kind person. This whole idea about being "Alpha" is to just stop putting her on a pedestal and being her little tampon.
    Maybe my style is just weird.
    Your thoughts?

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Hard to get and chasing girls.

    I agree Alpha is overused and unnecessary. I think, inner game is valuable, but I know people with very "strong" inner game that have tons of problems with game; the reason being, they grow egos from their inner game that say they are enough with or without the girl and then decide to not push til failure as often because they have put themselves on a pedestal and feel too entitled to chase. Plus, any inner game that doesn't have results to back it is false confidence. There are necessary skills and framework around game that need to be learned with or without a solid inner game. From there, inner game comes. I personally believe good outer game will move internally and think it is a more effective strategy for growth.
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  10. #10
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    Default Re: Hard to get and chasing girls.

    No your style is not weird. It's what Mark Manson, a well known dating coach, teaches. He emphasizes on true confidence. In fact, he started learning with the textbook PUA Mystery method and hates it, especially routines and lines. According to him, a lot of the textbook PUA stuff involves putting on a performance and going through a mental checklist. Whenever you have to perform, you are reinforcing the belief that you are not good enough. The mantra of true confidence is "I don't have to prove anything to anyone, including myself." So, yes, a lot of newbies who come on worried about trivial things such as girl issues are anxious. Anxiety is the anti-confidence and the person is already subconsciously telling himself "he is not good enough." Much of his methods of achieving true confidence involves honesty and vulnerability (the cornerstone).

    So yes, your outer game is a reflection of your inner game. That term is called congruence. So if you don't have solid innergame and all you are doing is putting on a performance, then sooner or later the girl will see through the act, especially when you start getting closer. True confidence is also not overconfidence. Someone who is overconfident is usually over-compensating for a lack of.

    Based on my experience, the best analogy is comparing inner game to a soft/internal style martial art like (tai chi, aikido) focusing on internal energy and outer game to a hard style like (MMA, boxing, etc) that relies more on physical strength. The truth is when you become older, your strength will not be the same, so in the long run internal is lifetime training. In terms of PUA, a heavy reliance on memorizing lines, openers, routines gets tiring. And the fact, chasing women and "playing the game" can be exhausting as well.

    So, his outline of the cons of a reliance on outergame is this:
    1. It's temporary (as in your true colors will show eventually if it is not congruent)
    2. Confident people can see through it.
    3. Requires effort and can be exhausting.
    4. Creates anxiety. Sometimes alot of PUAs can overthink.
    5. Performance reinforces anxiety.

    As for your question on how to deal with "hard to get girls" cdharders hit it on the nose. They are actually seducing you. I've known girls like this, especially my ex. She wasn't the most beautiful girl, but she knew how to spice things up, keep me on my toes and at moments show vulnerability. She would go to bars and sucker guys for drinks.

    Here is an example on how Mark Manson deals with such women. When securing a date with them, he doesn't fvck around with text game. He tries to close for D1 right then and there at first meeting.

    HIM: "Let's do something this Saturday."
    Hard to get girl: "Oh I'm busy."
    HIM: "Okay. Well, when will you not be busy?"
    Hard to get girl: "Oh I don't know. Call me."
    HIM: "No it's okay. Clearly, you are not interested enough. It's nice meeting you."

    He doesn't mess around. He is honest and straight to the point that his terms are it's either "a fvck yes" or "no." He just subcommunicated to her that "I am the prize." Sometimes the girl will say "Wait, wait, wait!" now knowing that this guy is no chump to be trifled with.

    His cold approach method is simply just going up to a girl and saying "Hey, I saw you from over there and I just wanted to come up and meet you." Sometimes he would go as far as saying "I saw you from across the room, I thought you were really sexy...and I want to have sex with you." Talk about honesty and vulnerability.

    His whole philosophy is that when a guy relies too much on tools for generating attraction like flirting etc, the girl is going to know that he is a player. She is going to play too. And you always attract the kind of person you are (law of attraction) and assortment theory. That is why a guy with issues has a tendency to attract the same kind of girl. He found out this out by trial and error. He got blown out one day on an approach. Finally, he dropped the act and said "Look, all I want to do is find a nice girl. Can you tell me what I did wrong?" This vulnerability and honesty caused the girl to drop her guard. The next thing he knew she and her friends took him in and the interaction thereafter became genuine.

    If his style is your style, you should really look this guy up. Very good stuff.


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