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Thread: Shame on me - the 9 how f*cks with my mind

  1. #1
    Tow
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    Default Shame on me - the 9 how f*cks with my mind

    Hey guys!

    I am posting this, because the chode in me did conquer me since Friday. It will be a long text, but this problem isn't just with her. IT IS NO ONEITIS, but since she's a collague I have to get this right again. Even if it is just neutral. There is no need for attraction building now, I just want to get the funny and nice girl in her back. I did mess up, yes. But tell me what was good in the conversations and which aspects I have to get better with. Get more girls doesn't really help, because I have to get serveral apects improved. But which exactly?

    I am studying computer engineering and there is this very quite 9. For you she might be something different, but she definately got "orbiters" and has mostly guy friends.
    So I once opened her over facebook, because am the students' delegate of my semester and she needed something. I flirted and she was warming up with me. This was in October. After that she started poking me on facebook, and I messaged her with: "This pokewar you will never win!". This was the opener of a chat, which ended with her giving me her number, because her facebook app didn't work properly.
    Since Decembre she started tho occasionally text me in the middle of the night, while she was out with other guys. Just random shit. From December we teased and negged each other, ending by her saying, that we both could start being nice to each other (oh my calibration literally isn't present). So we did and it was really nice to chat and talk to her. Once we were both out with our friends, drinking, when she texted me: I think I am gonna go fuck now (friendzone sign, I wasn't sure, but honestly didn't care). So I found out, that she's got a fuckbuddy.

    Now jumping to last Friday: My friends got my phone while I was partying with another girl (I've left it for them for taking photos). They sent messages to the 9, nothing bad, but really needy ones. I apologized the next day, she just took it with humour. On Monday I was out with her and other colleagues, celebrating another colleagues birthday. I missed my drinking limit and that's where I think the problems started. This is also a part, where I am not very sure if it was completely bad: I started to take the 9's cigarettes and lighter and let them disappear. Which brought me several scratches and punches. She never was really upset, most of the time laughed. IOI? We bounced (me, her and another colleague(her best friend) ) and my drunk self started to tease her by touches and negging her sharp nails etc. After that she switched places and wasn't sitting near me. Some time later she left because the bars were closing. I had to take another train. I texted her an apologize and spammed her with some senseless messages.

    On the next day I sent her a screenshot of the number of whatsapp messages (33 in 6 chats) and our conversation was as followed:
    Me: And not one of you? Did I behave thaaaaat badly? Do I have to be nicer?
    Her: Haha
    Me: That's not really an answer xD
    Her: What do you have in IKT? >> we did have an exam and have gotten the results on that day
    Me: C :/ But if I overdid it, then you can tell me now
    Her: Yes, you did. You even upset [a collague, her best friend]
    Me: Ok sorry... What do you have?
    Her: A
    Me: Fuck you nerd
    Her: Hahaha!!
    Me: Now you've earned everything I did to you yesterday :P
    Her: Not really
    Me: My neck and arms are destroyed by your scratches. The next time I am carrying you around as apology. OK? DD
    Her: It was your own fault, I'd say
    Me: Didn't say any different. But you are crazy for sure :P
    Her: (y)
    Me: I have to text [a collague]. We emptied the vodka bottle xD
    after ten minutes without response
    Me: Ugh, [another collague]'s got a B. How bad did I do :O
    after eight minutes without response
    Me: You destroyed my right ear, you know :P

    Then I started to text her on facebook (CHODE?!):
    Me: Are you really ignoring me now? Is this my punishment?
    after two hours without response
    Me: Seriously? :O
    Two hours later she texted me an emticon of a rabbit eating a tacco.
    Me: Oh, NOW you are talking to me again? >:/
    Her: Maybe haha. What's with [a teacher, who should have sent the results by this time]?
    Me: I don't tell you. I am ignoring you now :P
    Her: Ooooook
    Me: In the evening I will send you pics of your artworks on mi
    Man, I can't ignore you, sorry. [the teacher] said today or tomorrow.
    Her: He is so stuuuuupiiiiiid
    Me: Cute, do you start to cry now :P
    (after that the conversation was as before the incident) That was all on Tuesday.

    On Wednesday she ignored my message in the morning referring to the exam results she is looking forward to.
    after two hours of no response I texted following (she was at the university, but she was online several times):
    Me: Is it possible, that you are (still) angry with me because of Monday/Tuesday? Please tell me, this Ignore- and-one-word-answers are really getting on my nerves and I want to be good with you again.
    two hours later:
    Her: hahaha [our English teacher] is the best
    Me: So you are just ignoring my serious concern about you being angry? Did she let you go earlier?
    Her: (she did let them go earlier blabla)
    Me: (y) No SAY if you are angry. That occupies my thoughts xD
    four minutes without response:
    Me: Or you are just answering my next question: (something about her day at university)
    Her: (answers the question)
    after that she was ignoring messages, she would have responded before Monday/Tuesday

    She did answer one of them an hour later with: Thaaaaaankyyyyyy

    Which satisfied me and I thought everything was ok. Which also did the photo I received on whatsapp at midnight. She sent a picture of a car with a flat tyre (bursted).
    Me in the morning: Your car?
    she was online didn't respond
    ten minutes later
    Me: Did you get injured? >> was a serious concern
    fifteen minutes later, she's been online right after the last message
    Me: Sending me such a picture and then not responding isn't nice >:/ :P
    after fifteen minutes, she's been again online right after the message
    Me: Do I have to get on your nerves every fucking fifteen minutes till you say what's wrong? You must want to say something with the picture to me. It's simply not fun anymore!
    after half an hour without response but being online
    Me: Since you are ignoring me here: Where is the cute, nice and funny [her name], which negged and teased me when I got on her nerves or I fooled myself? Is something wrong with your family again? Or is something different? You know you can tell me

    After that a female friend of mine did stop me and told me, that it wouldn't be that big of a problem but I should let her be now and wait for a message.

    Again, sorry for that long post, but I want you to see where my problems are. Feel free to give any advice, even it is "only" a link to a thread or article. Even shout at me, but I have to get the problems right and have to get neutral with her again.


    Thank you very much!

  2. #2
    cdharders's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shame on me - the 9 how f*cks with my mind

    Double messaging is a no-no. I stopped reading after a while because you didn't give a solid question you needed answered. I highly recommend doing that in the future.

    Stop beating yourself up. I hate hearing guys call themselves bitches and chodes and AFC's etc. No! You are a guy that has been making decisions that are anti-game for a long time and are trying to fix yourself. It's nothing personal, so there's nothing to beat yourself up about, just analyze the data and continue. It will save you tons of internal self-mutilation as you grow.

    Don't apologize or qualify. Those guys aren't your real friends. Real friends don't do that shit. Don't apologize to her. It's not your responsibility to speak for them. Laughing it off with her is best.
    The Official Tinder Playbook--> http://conquerdatingapps.co m <--Stop swiping, start hooking up

  3. #3
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shame on me - the 9 how f*cks with my mind

    Definitely expressed too much neediness there.... and bordering on obsessive / creepy.

    Stuff like that will throw up red flags for a girl & cause her to think you may be a control freak, or over-jealous / possessive type.

    So, be sure to give her space, as well as time to reply back.

    Sometimes people really can't respond back immediately.
    Even if an app shows them being "online", it could just be that the app is running in the background & showing them as being logged on when they're not really using it.


    You need to let thongs blow over a bit.... & then maybe try again with a more confident / in control frame.
    But let things settle first.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  4. #4
    Tow
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    Default Re: Shame on me - the 9 how f*cks with my mind

    @cdharders:
    The double messaging sometimes breaks through again. Especially since I've felt guilty.

    No qualifying, no apologizing - got your advice Thanks

    @T-Mal:
    Yeah, sometimes I've got this chode arrogance where I think she doesn't respond because of me
    And you are right with the apps...

    With settle first, you mean let her be, don't apologize and wait for reengaging?

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Shame on me - the 9 how f*cks with my mind

    The other guys are being nice, so you should be very happy because of that. I am an ass hole so if I hurt your feelings or offend you in anyway, it was literally my intention.

    Man oh man, where do I begin. This is one of the worst texting exchanges I have ever had the privilege of reading. I'm going to do you the favor of mailing this into the Guiness World Book of Records Headquarters, and hopefully you might set a record for needy farking behavior.

    It's as if when you're talking to her all of your feelings of self worth, your ego, pride, and everything else is thrown out the window. Shit man! If I had a red marker to grade you text exchange, the WHOLE thing would be red! Every last bit of it.

    This woman does not mean the world to you, so stop acting like she does. After texting her ONCE give her a chance to respond. Don't stuff her face with needy ass messages until you get a pity response. NO, you don't need to become neutral again with her. That very need is what got you stuck in this shit.

    You need to start working on and developing your confidence. You need to understand that you are a great person, with a lot of great skills to bring to the table. Everything you do needs to push you towards that goal of developing self worth, and everything that takes you farther from that needs to be dropped; whether that be friends, women, hobbies, etc.

    Let's things cool off with this woman for like 2 weeks to a month. Work on yourself in the mean time. T-mal has a guide in the texting section that will bring you up to speed on what not to do. Upon reading a guide like that, you'll be able to go back and critically dissect your own message and understand what you did wrong. This website also has a lot of other great resources so shop until you drop, and if you have any questions for me, hit me up. I'll keep it brutally honest with you, but I promise that you'll become a better version of yourself because of it.

  6. #6
    Tow
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    Default Re: Shame on me - the 9 how f*cks with my mind

    Thanks lilsting. I will read his guide for sure!

    My problem in general is that every damn message I get makes me happy. Maybe that will go by. Two weeks to a month? Ok but how shall I behave around her in university?

  7. #7
    Kyl3's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shame on me - the 9 how f*cks with my mind

    Liltsting is literally spot on.
    This is recoverable. But it's going to take a Herculean effort on your part, & that's being nice.
    Echoing what Liltsting said, don't try to be neutral with her.

    She's not even being your friend so stop thinking you guys are friends.

    You need stronger inner-game and self confidence. A little persistence is okay but you're full blown chasing and acting needy as ****. She's not your world so stop acting like a wimp. A month from now you probably won't even want her if you meet new girls, & the tables will probably turn.

    I'm an ass hole as well & I'm trying to be nice as possible but...yeah. Re-initiate with her in a month as old friends IMO & hit the ground running.

  8. #8
    Tow
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    Default Re: Shame on me - the 9 how f*cks with my mind

    Thank you kyl3. I need you assh*les. I am just glad to know I can recover. The rest will come with following your advices

  9. #9
    Kyl3's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shame on me - the 9 how f*cks with my mind

    You see her at the university, you say hi, be very polite an cordial & go on about your business. THATS IT. If she tries to talk to you, make small talk for a second then walk away. You don't have time for her sh** anymore.

    GET some girl friends. Preferably cute. ONLY be friends with them. Now you're there best friends. Take them shopping, whatever. Just make sure that your surrounded by girls for the most part.
    Then when you run into her again a month from now and she sees you surrounded by girls she's going to get very curious.
    That's when you re-initiate contact. NO sooner.
    At least 2 weeks to a month minimum before you re-initiate. If she texts you first, ignore it.

    That is how you will turn it around. If you follow this you have a shot of winning her but you probably won't even want her at this point honestly.

    & stop texting so much. Only text to set up hangouts. That's it. Do everything face to face. It's more ballsy and girls won't flake as much.

  10. #10
    Tow
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    Default Re: Shame on me - the 9 how f*cks with my mind

    I just wanted to ask how to act if she texts first. It's like you were reading my mind^^
    Fir me texting always was a nice thing to do while being bored. With girls it seened more fun. But I am sure you are right!


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