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Thread: Crazy girl. Crazy baggage. Need advice. Complex issues..

  1. #1
    Kyl3's Avatar
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    Default Crazy girl. Crazy baggage. Need advice. Complex issues..

    I have a problem that's been haunting my mind for awhile now and need solid advice. I'm always gaming other girls, but at the end of the night, your mind always wanders back to that one girl you can't get your mind off of and that's why I'm here.

    And don't tell me to just walk away, obviously I should just walk away, but I refuse to ever give up.

    I have one-itus over a girl that is literally crazy. Kinda. I'm talking she has daddy-issues, family issues, trust issues do to a cheating ex-boyfriend she gave her heart to for 2 years (That was 7 months ago), commitment issues, room-mate issues, she's extremely shy and introverted, she's only kissed like 4 guys her entire life including me, AND we're co-workers, AND she loves raves and hard-drugs like Molly and acid, AND she's a huge flake, AND she doesn't text back. Like literally ever. Getting a text back is like pulling teeth or delivering a baby, and its not due to low interest level like you would think. Like I've even talked to her about it casually and she literally just despises texting, and never texts anyone back no matter what. Lol.
    She's also 20, I'm only 19.

    Red flag heaven eh? Yeah. I always end up attracted to crazy, bad girls with baggage.

    Anyways, after 4months of constant push/pull, DHV stories, cocky funny teasing, sh1t tests, and massive deep rapport combined with persistence and patience at work when I saw her I finally hooked up with her. FINALLY. I straight up just told her we were hanging out and to BS'ing me and just drove to her apartment LOL.
    We didn't have sex, but everything else, just because of the massive LMR she was giving me. I know the LMR techniques. My mind just went blank and I was living in the moment enjoying it. My mistake, I could of F-closed easily and I hate myself for it honestly.

    While mid-hookup she kept asking me how many girls I was talking to worried and I kept telling her only her, and that she's had feelings for me since she first met me and really liked me. She was just playing hard to get. I told her I really liked her for her, and that I genuinely wanted to see her again which she smiled about. We cuddled, and talked all night. Deep deep conversations about our childhoods and life etc. Then woke up the next morning and bantered some more. She kept telling me that she hated me so much and that this never happened and kept making me promise I wouldn't tell anybody at work or any of my friends with a huge smile on her face. I promised. Then we hooked up again, and once more before I left. Just oral and stuff.
    It was so worth the massive time I put in. She was amazing.

    I don't think I've ever had such a deep connection in one night with a girl honestly. Physically and Mentally. Sounds gay but its true.
    Anyways, go to work and I see her and she's all smiles and I figured I was on my way to hooking up again sometime.

    The next day I text her something flirty and I get no response. Oh well no big deal. So I wait another day and text her this clever cliffhanger text, and she doesn't reply. Okay...
    So I called her because the point of me texting her was to setup a D2 since we both had the next 4 days off of work/college together.
    She ignores it, then texts me an hour later saying, "im not trying to be mean im just not looking for that"

    Ouch, I wasn't 100% sure what she meant by that. I didn't reply just to re-gain some control of the situation.
    2 weeks go by with no texting and without seeing her at work (conflicting shifts) and when I do see her, she's all distant and cold with me. So I approach her and small-talk with her on break and she instantly warms up and is super giggly with me and blushing. I don't invite her anywhere because I knew my schedule would be hectic in the following week so I broke small-talk and told her id keep in touch. I went another week without texting her and saw her at work now 3 weeks after the hookup for like 1 minute.

    She was all shy and nervous, but quickly started teasing me and warming up.
    Knowing I didn't have much time to interact I tried to push a hangout after work and told her of an awesome party that was going down. She seemed interested so I told her id shoot her a text and pick her up and then walked away. I texted her after work to set up logistics, and then she ended up flaking on me to hangout with her cousin at some party her cousin knew about. Oh well, I expected that. I had no time to really re-kindle any attraction.

    So I didn't text her again, and left it at that. I'm really busy with school and work so I knew I wouldn't have time to setup plans with our schedules. Honestly, I just feel like I didn't have time to build any attraction and I'm sure its dwindled over 3 weeks, I just tried to push for hangout on the spot just to see.

    NOW

    I saw her at work yesterday like 4 weeks since the hookup, and she was very distant and cold when I first saw her. I bantered with her a little bit passing by, and she giggled and held very strong eye contact for 6-7 seconds with a smile but that was it. I triangle gaze her all the time when she holds eye contact and I can tell she digs it. I didn't get an opportunity to talk to her until break. Then when I went into the break room, some chump guy was hitting on her at her table so I smiled to her and then walked over to my girl-friends who were all shouting my name and talked to them during break. I had everybody laughing and smiling at the table including our girl supervisor so I'm sure that made her kind of jealous. (I have massive social-proof and pre-selection at work, I'm close friends with like every girl)

    My big problem is, not only do I really like this girl and connect with her mentally, I also deeply care about her. Somehow over the 4 months of deep rapport I actually caught feelings for her, and care for her and problems. I guess, honestly, no matter what I don't want to lose her forever, just because I feel like our lives would be better with each other in it, even as just friends in the long run. I'm crazy and she's crazy so we neutralize each other lol. Like we could easily be best friends, but we're not.

    I just don't know what to do. I really want to re-kindle the attraction and hook-up again honestly and be fwb and someday way down the road be exclusive, but I don't work with her ever and its sooo lame so I can't build any attraction really. So how should I go about re-kindling the attraction? Texting is a no go. Basically she's been freezed out for the past month. When I see her should I just tell her that I just wanna be friends and that that was a one time thing, and then push for hanging out as just friends, then boning her? Should I just start fresh? Just run lots of disqualifiers? Honestly the head-games are getting so old with school and work.
    I KNOW if I could just get her to hangout with me the sexual tension between us would result in us hooking up no matter what. Even as "just friends".
    I feel like acting like I don't care about her at work, only makes her act like she doesn't care about me. Which is bad. Its like a giant head-game between us.

    Any advice or strategies to get her to hangout/re-kindle attraction? Or just thoughts? Am I even doing anything wrong? All credible input would be appreciated. Like I stated earlier, I refuse to walk away completely because I do actually care about her and want her in my life, but I also refuse to give up until we've hooked up again. Even if it takes months.
    And yes, I will be sleeping with and approaching new girls in the mean-time to try to fight the scarcity mindset.

  2. #2
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Crazy girl. Crazy baggage. Need advice. Complex issues..

    Goddamn Kyl...You sure know how to pick'em! Is she hot at least? LOL.

    You may not like what I'm going to tell you, but I think you need to hear it anyways.

    If you are not samsonite as she is the assortment theory holds here. According to assortment theory, people who have the same values/interest/self-esteem naturally end up together. Their values were apparent even without verbally expressing them. That’s because beliefs and mindsets inform behaviors. If you change the belief and mindset, the behaviors follows. So if a guy is very sexist, how is he going to behave around a woman? He will probably be condescending. Less open to her views. Less impressed about her professional achievements. And if a woman has those beliefs, how is she going to behave? She is going to listen more, talk less about her personal achievements, she’s going to be submissive to the man she is talking to. So they naturally are going to develop a chemistry.

    According to the law of attraction, we always attract those that mirror us. If you have a murky identity, then you will attract women with murky identities.

    I've been down this road before 14 years ago. My ex-gf was a stripper. She was easily an HB10, mesmerizingly beautiful, a show-stopper. She didn't smoke, do drugs, had no tats, but she was fvcked in the head - vain, had ADD, incompetent, lazy, and she was insecure to a point where she relied on her looks to get by and compensate for her lack of competence. Moreover she had an abusive past that caused her to gravitate towards dangerous and abusive men. Her "Mr. Big" On-and-off ex was Italian mafia. Treat her nice, you get a hard callous rough response. Bitch her out you get a submissive kitten being nice. Twisted!

    I am not like that at all raised in a healthy environment, so in the end, suffice to say, despite whatever connection we had and the music we sang together and my chodish idealism that love can change her, it didn't work out because...we are incompatible.

    If you yourself don't have as much red flags as the Indy 500 like her, there isn't anything you can do. Based on your posts I've seen, you know enough about PUA and did not do anything wrong. But I can tell you one thing, no amount of PUA tactics will help you, and if they do, it will only be temporary. I believe that to get as far as you did, you did the best you can. And if you try to pursue her, then you are going to undermine being the best of you. Already she is causing you anxiety and overthink and that is a drain on your confidence. Mark Manson will tell you exactly the same thing.

    This is his quote "It is difficult to pursue women in the wrong demographics" Demographics is where you choose to meet women and why you choose to meet those women.

    You are only 19. When I was 19 I didn't even know myself. Being PUA is not just about attracting women. It's establishing an identity and excelling at that identity. It's about discovering our own values, our own standards and deciding what we want for ourselves, and what would make us happy, what would make us fulfilled...and the right woman to fullfill those roles.

    It's using those standards to find your demographics.
    Your demographics should align with your beliefs and values.
    Limiting beliefs can affect the way you interact with women.

    One of the mistakes men make (and it comes along with not defining these values) is they start looking for women in the demographics that doesn’t fit them. So they consistently get stuck with women they are not happy with or women who are not happy with them.

    Mark Manson quote: "If your demographics are off, then you are going to come up empty no matter how ‘good’ you get at your game. If you are fishing in the wrong pond, it’s not going to work out."

    Unless you have much baggage as her, the kind of guy she is going to ultimately end up with and be attracted to is a guy who is as fvcked up as she is.

    Already I can see that she is not making you fulfilled, she is not making you happy. Any so called connection you have is fleeting. Causing you to overthink and doubt your capabilities? That is not fulfilling.

    And when you are 41 like me, you are going to look back and say "Damn, I was a stupid kid." Remember those immortal words of mine. I.M.Mortal said it.

  3. #3
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Crazy girl. Crazy baggage. Need advice. Complex issues..

    Listen to I.M. It's not worth it dude. You did nothing wrong, she just has allot of issues. Nothing about this scenario will end well. Even if you do end up dating her. It will just be a roller coaster, it will end, and you will be worse off for it.

  4. #4
    Kyl3's Avatar
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    Default Re: Crazy girl. Crazy baggage. Need advice. Complex issues..

    Lol, yes Immortal she's hot as F with an awesome personality to go with it when i do see her. She just screens the shit outta guys & is very shy.

    Honestly this is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much Immortal and Direct. This entire time I've just been lost in my thoughts about her trying to wrap my head around what I did wrong. Now I realize that I didn't do anything wrong.

    Next time I run into her at break I'm just going to sit down and be straight up with her and tell her that I honestly want to just be best friends with her and that the hook-up was a one time thing just because I want her in my life no matter what. Then down the road if something happens it does but it won't be because I'm trying for it anymore & honestly, it probably will.

  5. #5
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Crazy girl. Crazy baggage. Need advice. Complex issues..

    Well that's good if she is hot as F. If not, I would have to slap you on the broadside! If I'm dealing with heavy baggage, my eyes better be entertained at least lol. I don't see how someone who is shy can have a great personality. That's like an anti-thesis. A person with a great personality is like a beacon that attracts other people. And screening? Pfft...She's screening out of insecurity, not because she is the prize. You are the one with the social proof.

    Just remember the fine points of that long winded post:

    1. Being PUA is also about establishing and developing an identity and finding the right women to complement that...not the other way around.

    2. If you are fishing in the wrong pond, you can be the world's greatest PUA and you still won't be successful. Kino Suave from our forums can attest to that part. He does well with professional women (teachers, lawyers), but when it comes to picking up "ghetto" girls he meets in clubs, no matter how good he is, he is not as successful. It's a good thing because he probably wouldn't want them either in the long run.

    Since you are fishing for the wrong girl, I don't think you have to go through all that melodrama talk. Just cut to chase, man up, stand up and be honest with your intentions and be vulnerable. No blind man's poker. Despite what we are telling you, I know you still harbor deep feelings for this girl. So just tell her something along the lines of "I really like you. I like this feeling I have when I'm with you. I want to see if there is more between us."

    IF she responds with a bullsh1t excuse like "I'm not looking for a relationship right now." Think nothing of it. It is not a rejection, it is an incompatibility and you were just spared the long fall down.

    Fvck this friends sh1t, we know that is not what you want in the long run. Lay it out with an ultimatum David Tian's style "Let's be honest with ourselves, life is short, we are still young, as individuals we owe it to ourselves to find the best person for us. But I don't want to just be your friend, it's painful being around you feeling the way I do. If we can't be anything more, then I rather not see you. It's torture."

    And just fade out from her personal life and create a void that will make her think. You will command a hell lot more respect that way, not look needy, maintain your social value. And during that time work on your own self-development. As you get older, I guarantee you the women just get better and better and this girl will just be a memory.

  6. #6
    twentynine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Crazy girl. Crazy baggage. Need advice. Complex issues..

    Both of your replies in here are absolutely wonderful, I.M. Really great stuff.

    While reading your post, Kyle, I was getting my reply ready and feeling a little bad for what I was gonna have to say, but it's pretty much already been said and covered by the previous posters.

    You're looking at a situation that has probably already climaxed for you. You know enough about PUA to know that you didn't do anything wrong.. Perhaps if there is something you did wrong, it was thinking that it would be a good idea to further pursue this girl and the situation, but you can't be blamed for that. I've been down a similar road and I really think you're looking at ending up with a lot of hurt and heartache if you continue with this girl..

    "I don't think I've ever had such a deep connection in one night with a girl honestly. Physically and Mentally. Sounds gay but its true."

    C'mon bro that doesn't sound gay at all, don't be a dummy! One day when the circumstances are better, you'll feel that all over again. It'll be the best time you've ever shared with a woman.. Not to mention how great the sex will be!

    Good luck man. Good post.

  7. #7
    JPAC1123's Avatar
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    Default Re: Crazy girl. Crazy baggage. Need advice. Complex issues..

    Kyl3: if she was ugly as hell, would you still want to date her or be just friends with her? How would you treat her if she was ugly as hell? Because that's exactly how you should handle this situation.... simple as that.

  8. #8
    Kyl3's Avatar
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    Default Re: Crazy girl. Crazy baggage. Need advice. Complex issues..

    I'm speechless.
    You guys are literally spot on & 100% right on everything. I really needed to hear this & this advice is so perfect. Thank you so much & I mean that from the bottom of the little heart I have..Lol. Seriously.
    Immortal, I'm going to follow your advice exactly. & you're 100% right with talking about me being the prize. I have the social proof. I'm the fu**ing man at work and everybody knows it.
    Until the next crazy girl I actually somehow get feelings for, because you know how I love crazy girls, peace.
    -Kyle

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Crazy girl. Crazy baggage. Need advice. Complex issues..

    Hmmm well you're not doing it right! Obviously she means something to you but this just ain't going to work. Means something to you like Marriage? What do these guys mean by "losing someone forever" or "can't live without her"? Really I felt this way at one time well until I hit abundance now meh I have so much to choose from no need to settle down.

    What should you do? Easy, stop caring. You wait two weeks, no impact. You text her one day and then politely wait till the next and no impact. It's obvious she is stringing you along which all girls do to gullible guys. Yes she is playing you and doing a fine job at that. Stop caring. Not at work obviously but do what I do text whenever the fark you want 1am, 2am, 10am, 7am, 12pm, etc. Text her pics of your lunch, movies, I mean who the fark cares? Stop being so dang polite and test this girl. Text her when it is convenient for you. I didn't text a girl on a hangover when she wanted and ate dirt. I didn't text a girl when I wanted at night and ate dirt. Stop eating dirt and text when you want. If we cared what they thought we would text between 10am-12pm, 1pm-5pm, and 8pm-10pm to avoid their sleep time, lunch time, and dinner time. I mean fark that and win it.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Crazy girl. Crazy baggage. Need advice. Complex issues..

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyl3 View Post
    Lol, yes Immortal she's hot as F with an awesome personality to go with it when i do see her. She just screens the shit outta guys & is very shy.

    Honestly this is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much Immortal and Direct. This entire time I've just been lost in my thoughts about her trying to wrap my head around what I did wrong. Now I realize that I didn't do anything wrong.

    Next time I run into her at break I'm just going to sit down and be straight up with her and tell her that I honestly want to just be best friends with her and that the hook-up was a one time thing just because I want her in my life no matter what. Then down the road if something happens it does but it won't be because I'm trying for it anymore & honestly, it probably will.


    Please don't ever "sit" a girl down to tell her how you feel. That never ends well on your part and ALWAYS lowers your value. Stop calling and never explain yourself that will certainly raise your value exponentially. If anything ask her out on a date.


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