I have a problem that's been haunting my mind for awhile now and need solid advice. I'm always gaming other girls, but at the end of the night, your mind always wanders back to that one girl you can't get your mind off of and that's why I'm here.
And don't tell me to just walk away, obviously I should just walk away, but I refuse to ever give up.
I have one-itus over a girl that is literally crazy. Kinda. I'm talking she has daddy-issues, family issues, trust issues do to a cheating ex-boyfriend she gave her heart to for 2 years (That was 7 months ago), commitment issues, room-mate issues, she's extremely shy and introverted, she's only kissed like 4 guys her entire life including me, AND we're co-workers, AND she loves raves and hard-drugs like Molly and acid, AND she's a huge flake, AND she doesn't text back. Like literally ever. Getting a text back is like pulling teeth or delivering a baby, and its not due to low interest level like you would think. Like I've even talked to her about it casually and she literally just despises texting, and never texts anyone back no matter what. Lol.
She's also 20, I'm only 19.
Red flag heaven eh? Yeah. I always end up attracted to crazy, bad girls with baggage.
Anyways, after 4months of constant push/pull, DHV stories, cocky funny teasing, sh1t tests, and massive deep rapport combined with persistence and patience at work when I saw her I finally hooked up with her. FINALLY. I straight up just told her we were hanging out and to BS'ing me and just drove to her apartment LOL.
We didn't have sex, but everything else, just because of the massive LMR she was giving me. I know the LMR techniques. My mind just went blank and I was living in the moment enjoying it. My mistake, I could of F-closed easily and I hate myself for it honestly.
While mid-hookup she kept asking me how many girls I was talking to worried and I kept telling her only her, and that she's had feelings for me since she first met me and really liked me. She was just playing hard to get. I told her I really liked her for her, and that I genuinely wanted to see her again which she smiled about. We cuddled, and talked all night. Deep deep conversations about our childhoods and life etc. Then woke up the next morning and bantered some more. She kept telling me that she hated me so much and that this never happened and kept making me promise I wouldn't tell anybody at work or any of my friends with a huge smile on her face. I promised. Then we hooked up again, and once more before I left. Just oral and stuff.
It was so worth the massive time I put in. She was amazing.
I don't think I've ever had such a deep connection in one night with a girl honestly. Physically and Mentally. Sounds gay but its true.
Anyways, go to work and I see her and she's all smiles and I figured I was on my way to hooking up again sometime.
The next day I text her something flirty and I get no response. Oh well no big deal. So I wait another day and text her this clever cliffhanger text, and she doesn't reply. Okay...
So I called her because the point of me texting her was to setup a D2 since we both had the next 4 days off of work/college together.
She ignores it, then texts me an hour later saying, "im not trying to be mean im just not looking for that"
Ouch, I wasn't 100% sure what she meant by that. I didn't reply just to re-gain some control of the situation.
2 weeks go by with no texting and without seeing her at work (conflicting shifts) and when I do see her, she's all distant and cold with me. So I approach her and small-talk with her on break and she instantly warms up and is super giggly with me and blushing. I don't invite her anywhere because I knew my schedule would be hectic in the following week so I broke small-talk and told her id keep in touch. I went another week without texting her and saw her at work now 3 weeks after the hookup for like 1 minute.
She was all shy and nervous, but quickly started teasing me and warming up.
Knowing I didn't have much time to interact I tried to push a hangout after work and told her of an awesome party that was going down. She seemed interested so I told her id shoot her a text and pick her up and then walked away. I texted her after work to set up logistics, and then she ended up flaking on me to hangout with her cousin at some party her cousin knew about. Oh well, I expected that. I had no time to really re-kindle any attraction.
So I didn't text her again, and left it at that. I'm really busy with school and work so I knew I wouldn't have time to setup plans with our schedules. Honestly, I just feel like I didn't have time to build any attraction and I'm sure its dwindled over 3 weeks, I just tried to push for hangout on the spot just to see.
I saw her at work yesterday like 4 weeks since the hookup, and she was very distant and cold when I first saw her. I bantered with her a little bit passing by, and she giggled and held very strong eye contact for 6-7 seconds with a smile but that was it. I triangle gaze her all the time when she holds eye contact and I can tell she digs it. I didn't get an opportunity to talk to her until break. Then when I went into the break room, some chump guy was hitting on her at her table so I smiled to her and then walked over to my girl-friends who were all shouting my name and talked to them during break. I had everybody laughing and smiling at the table including our girl supervisor so I'm sure that made her kind of jealous. (I have massive social-proof and pre-selection at work, I'm close friends with like every girl)
My big problem is, not only do I really like this girl and connect with her mentally, I also deeply care about her. Somehow over the 4 months of deep rapport I actually caught feelings for her, and care for her and problems. I guess, honestly, no matter what I don't want to lose her forever, just because I feel like our lives would be better with each other in it, even as just friends in the long run. I'm crazy and she's crazy so we neutralize each other lol. Like we could easily be best friends, but we're not.
I just don't know what to do. I really want to re-kindle the attraction and hook-up again honestly and be fwb and someday way down the road be exclusive, but I don't work with her ever and its sooo lame so I can't build any attraction really. So how should I go about re-kindling the attraction? Texting is a no go. Basically she's been freezed out for the past month. When I see her should I just tell her that I just wanna be friends and that that was a one time thing, and then push for hanging out as just friends, then boning her? Should I just start fresh? Just run lots of disqualifiers? Honestly the head-games are getting so old with school and work.
I KNOW if I could just get her to hangout with me the sexual tension between us would result in us hooking up no matter what. Even as "just friends".
I feel like acting like I don't care about her at work, only makes her act like she doesn't care about me. Which is bad. Its like a giant head-game between us.
Any advice or strategies to get her to hangout/re-kindle attraction? Or just thoughts? Am I even doing anything wrong? All credible input would be appreciated. Like I stated earlier, I refuse to walk away completely because I do actually care about her and want her in my life, but I also refuse to give up until we've hooked up again. Even if it takes months.
And yes, I will be sleeping with and approaching new girls in the mean-time to try to fight the scarcity mindset.