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Thread: Advice needed, unusual case

  1. #1
    GerryOD is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Advice needed, unusual case

    Hi guys, I'm a quiet sort of an individual who's just come out of a fairly messy relationship. Okay it was a couple of years ago, messy like I said. I'm 37 and trying to work out how to get back on the horse.

    What makes this unusual is that I have a slight speech impediment, a stammer. It gets worse when I get nervous so as you can imagine that's been a big hurdle when it comes to introducing myself to new people, especially women. I can usually talk around it in casual conversation but eh...

    Anyway I'm physically not bad looking, a little on the well padded side, I have a decent job and am otherwise an average guy.

    Any ideas would be welcome!

  2. #2
    JackSarge's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice needed, unusual case

    It's not about looks dang it. It's about Inner Game. 30 yrs old and into year 2 now. I recommend you do the basics hit the gym, work a lot, buy new clothes, get a couple tatts, and then when Summer comes hit the strip. Guaranteed some fine tail will be running around and you want to be at your best. It's not about looks in Set however you have to do your best to look your best (Outer Game) but in Set girls will go for just about anything short, tall, average, etc. Girls ignore me for average guys all the time.

  3. #3
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice needed, unusual case

    Quote Originally Posted by GerryOD View Post

    What makes this unusual is that I have a slight speech impediment, a stammer. It gets worse when I get nervous so as you can imagine that's been a big hurdle when it comes to introducing myself to new people, especially women. I can usually talk around it in casual conversation but eh...

    Well, I had a slight speech impediment myself where I don't enunciate my words and I can come off as mumbling.

    You have 2 ways in dealing with this.

    1) Spend money and work with a speech therapist.

    2) Exorcise the nervous part by working on your self-confidence. Talk to as many people as you can. When I was doing stunts before, during practice many of us couldn't do a high fall. We would look down and freeze up. But once you get over the hump and keep doing it via repetition, it becomes easier and the nervousness/fear goes away.

    The good news is certain speech impediment can be fix/treated (depending on the severity). It is not a physical deformity that requires invasive surgery and/or something you are stuck with permanently.

    Just remember, we all have our insecurities and things about us that we are self-conscious about. Even the girl you are approaching has her insecurities. The important thing is to accept it that is part of you. Once you embrace it, you can move past it. However, if you resist it and bring attention to it, all you are doing is reinforcing it. If someone judges you because of it, then fvck em. It is there problem, not yours. Chances are they are in denial and insecure themselves.

  4. #4
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Advice needed, unusual case

    What makes this unusual is that I have a slight speech impediment, a stammer. It gets worse when I get nervous so as you can imagine that's been a big hurdle when it comes to introducing myself to new people, especially women. I can usually talk around it in casual conversation but eh...
    ah I like both of im mortal's ideas, but I have another one I would like to mention.

    1.get an audio recorder or even an audio recording app for your phone.
    now, find a good childrens book (a short book that uses common words) and read it to the audio recorder. you should focus on speaking using your diaphragm and on speaking slowly pronouncing every word you say. even add pauses to create suspense at key points in the story.
    once you've read the book to the audio recorder listen to your voice and think about how clear you communicated.
    do this several times a day and you will get better and better at speaking with vocal clarity.

    this should slow down your speech and make you more audible after you've done it for a few weeks.

    once you get good, try volunteering to read to children to ratchet up some pressure on your ability to speak clearly in public.

    this is a cheaper alternative to speech therapy (though if it doesn't make you much better, than speech therapy would be something to consider)

  5. #5
    GerryOD is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Advice needed, unusual case

    Thanks for the advice guys! I'm fully dedicated to self improvement, the gym is the next stop.

    I picked up the stammer when I was around six or seven years old so I've had a while to think about it. It seems to me more like a form of PTSD of some kind, although the causes probably differ for everyone.

    Speech therapists were useless or actively damaging... they actually have no idea what they're doing and are mostly experimenting. You know one time I was walking down the street and I was approached by a young man who proceeded to read from something he was holding, stammering and stuttering, apparently his therapist's assignment was to talk to random strangers in the stree. Jesus christ. That's like trying to treat someone struck by lightning by plugging them into the mains. I brought the poor guy into a cafe, sat him down, explained I had the same thing and how I try to deal with it.

    It used to be a lot worse so I know it can get better, and weirdly I can speak perfectly fluently when nobody's around, or I'm recording myself. What works best is pretending that there's no such thing as a stammer in the world, that I've never heard of anything of the sort, and entering a kind of zenlike state in a world without speech impediments. Unfortunately talking to attractive women damages my zen a bit.

    ANYWAY, what I'm really wondering about here are non verbal intros, more circumspect intros, roundabout ways to introduce myself preferably without having to get utterly hammered first (drink doesn't really make it much better but it makes me not care about the results), or even possibly using it to my advantage?

  6. #6
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice needed, unusual case

    It used to be a lot worse so I know it can get better, and weirdly I can speak perfectly fluently when nobody's around, or I'm recording myself. What works best is pretending that there's no such thing as a stammer in the world, that I've never heard of anything of the sort, and entering a kind of zenlike state in a world without speech impediments. Unfortunately talking to attractive women damages my zen a bit.

    ANYWAY, what I'm really wondering about here are non verbal intros, more circumspect intros, roundabout ways to introduce myself preferably without having to get utterly hammered first (drink doesn't really make it much better but it makes me not care about the results), or even possibly using it to my advantage?
    from what I've read, I would say that your stammer is the result of some deep rooted social anxiety. (especially since you can seemingly turn it off when no one is around) what this means is that in order to overcome it, you just have to become comfortable in social environments.
    (that poor guys speech therapist may have been on to something having him approach random people)

    you may be able to overcome it by overcoming your social anxiety. (you should be able to overcome it via exposure therapy)

    as in, talking to these hot girls on a regular basis will make you more comfortable talking to them and thus reduce the effect of your stammer.

    essentially you have to overcome your fear of people. talking to anyone and everyone will do wonders for your anxiety.

  7. #7
    GerryOD is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Advice needed, unusual case

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    (that poor guys speech therapist may have been on to something having him approach random people)
    Hmm, having spent ten years going to various speech therapists I can say that they've never cured anyone with that approach, it's literally the same as trying to cure PTSD by sending the person into a warzone.

    So is there no hope or cunning strategy I can use?

    I remember a few years back I was chatting to a work colleague and she was carrying on about how the police were "pigs" etc, when I told her my father used to be a policeman, she was so overwhelmed with guilt that she actually invited me for dinner and eh dessert. Is there some way to work on that sort of an angle?

  8. #8
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice needed, unusual case

    Hmm, having spent ten years going to various speech therapists I can say that they've never cured anyone with that approach, it's literally the same as trying to cure PTSD by sending the person into a warzone.
    social phobia is treated by exposure. odds are, you have your stuttering problem partially due to the fact that you're uncomfortable in social situations and partially because you talk before you formulate what you're going to say.

    these two problems are both treatable.

    you're phobia of social situations is going to be treated by talking to people in public and stepping outside of your comfort zone. (social phobia is far different from ptsd.)

    as for the stuttering, you just have to slow your speech down and think about what you're going to say before you say it. you have to even the pace of your speech.

    So is there no hope or cunning strategy I can use?
    you have to practice speaking all the time. try to speak at an even pace, and overcome your social phobia via exposure.

    I remember a few years back I was chatting to a work colleague and she was carrying on about how the police were "pigs" etc, when I told her my father used to be a policeman, she was so overwhelmed with guilt that she actually invited me for dinner and eh dessert. Is there some way to work on that sort of an angle?
    no. she just felt bad because she didn't realize she said something fairly offensive. think of that dinner as an "apology" not a date. she did that so she could stay on good terms with you.

  9. #9
    GerryOD is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Advice needed, unusual case

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    you have to practice speaking all the time. try to speak at an even pace, and overcome your social phobia via exposure.
    Thanks, you've solved a problem I've spent thirty years trying to overcome.

  10. #10
    GerryOD is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Advice needed, unusual case

    I dunno guys I've read a lot of the threads here and much of it is pretty crafty, clever, good advice. If the only solution I can get is "don't have a stammer", a) you've just made yourself a fortune by curing the extremely weird ailment of stuttering or b) you can't offer alternative advice. If the latter, I accept it and sorry for wasting your time.


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