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  1. #1
    bk1019 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default First Date Close, But Something Feels Offff!

    Im 31 and I contacted my first "girlfriend" ever from 6th grade on facebook, its been 20 years and we went on a date this past Wedesday night. Everything went very well, went went out to eat and dancing. At the dancehall we started holding hands, making out, sexual inuendo's, etc. I drove back to her place she invited me in, i agreed as I was having a great time and didnt want it to end. We ended up having sex twice and lots of talking too. Afterwards driving home I actually felt sad in a weird way, as I had this gut feeling like she almost just used me for sex which would be great but im looking for something more serious in this time of my life. There was one time we were laying on the bed and i was looking at her and she asked me what i was looking at...I told her this little hair under her naval...she replied dont make me point out all your flaws...I just replied go ahead(im in very good shape so i had nothing to hide)...First she commented about a hair growing out of my shoulder...then i noticed she started staring at my hair on my head and touching it Every once in awhile throughout the night she would look at it and touch it weirdly. I have a number 2 on top and i put pomade on it so it wont look fuzzy..well later on when i get home i notice in a lot of places the pomade had came out during sex making my hair look like it had thick and thin patches making it look splotchy. My point is could of this turned her off and why i had that weird feeling when i left. The next day we texted a little and i had mentioned a friends birthday on the date, so i texted her to come with me to the birthday party but she said she was tired and had to work early...we texted a little bit after that but that was it. Something just didnt feel right when i left her house but i had a good feeling til about the part when she was looking at my hair. I would like something more then a one night fling with her..Should I ask her out again immediately, bring up the hair incident, see if she texts me first, what do you think a good plan of action would be?

  2. #2
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: First Date Close, But Something Feels Offff!

    I sense a scarcity mindset at work here. Or why would you contact an old gf of 20 years unless you want to relive a John Cusack's movie "High Fidelity"

    ...And listen to yourself.
    - Thinking she used you for sex?
    - Getting self-conscious about your hair?

    That is how a woman thinks.

    You might not like the answer, but I'll say it anyways and a lot of guys here will back me on this one.

    That "off" feeling...that's your insecurity/anxiety/doubts speaking = lack of innergame. You negged or tried to push/pull her making the comment about the hair under her navel. She turned the tables on you making the comment about the hair on your shoulder and bringing attention to your hair, which essentially got you all self-conscious.

    If you know anything about how a woman thinks, you gotta understand that they don't place as much value on a man's physical appearance as we do on theirs. They are wired differently. Nothing is more universally attractive to a woman than a man with status and a man who perceives himself as a high value individual and reflects confidence. So if you project those qualities, sure she will forgive you if you had a bad hair day, sure she will forgive you if you smell alittle, BUT she will not forgive you for being a pussy.

    Every person has their insecurities. Only once you embrace them, acknowledge them and accept them as part of you, you can move past it, but if you try to fight it/resist it, all you are doing is reinforcing them.

    So if you see her again, don't even bring it up. Don't even bring attention to it. Because I'm almost certain she won't. And don't try to neg a woman, if you can't take it yourself. All it takes is one Sh1t test from them and your frame comes tumbling down as easily as a house of cards. From the sounds of it, the date went great and deserves another one. If anything, it's your confidence or lack of that will undo you, not the hair on the top of your head.

    Work on your innergame!

  3. #3
    bk1019 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: First Date Close, But Something Feels Offff!

    UPDATE...Went out a couple times and it went pretty well besidies the fact she was bringing up her ex boyfriend a lot. Made plans for Valentines Day and she seemed very excited. On Valentines day I started driving my car over to her place and as I went to text her i was otw i see a text from her saying that she had to cancel that shes going through some stuff and that she was sorry. I was pretty mad especially for the extreme short notice and that i had made reservations and bought flowers etc. At first I let my emotions get the best of me and sent her a pic of what i bought her, but then i collected myself and we talked on the phone and she said she was still in love with her ex and couldnt go out with me on valentines with a good conscience. She also said she enjoys my company and still would like to hang out once in awhile as friends. I just tried to act like i wasnt upset and agreed and that i hope everything works out for her. My question is how should i play this so we could possibly start dating again and i dont come off as needy,pussy etc!!


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