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  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Question about kino escalation

    Hey guys,

    So, I have been reading and practicing a lot for some time now. I have improved quite a bit, but I still fumble when it comes to kino. Of course, this is a real obstacle as it prevents from getting anywhere with any girl. I have realized my weakness comes from the fact that I am very aware and protective of my intimate space and therefore, I find it difficult to hug or put my arm around a girl I have only met for 2-3 times. Don't get me wrong, I was totally comfortable doing kino with my ex. It's just that I need more time to feel more comfortable with someone.

    I was at a bar yesterday with some friends (both guys and girls). I was discussing with a chick I kinda liked, then some frigging guy (he apparently was an acquaintance of some people of our group) came and starting openly flirting with the babe in question. He was only meeting her for the second time but he was all over her, always putting his arm around her waist, invading her personal space, disrupting the conversation she had with others (including me, grrr). I rolled my eyes and asked what was wrong with that guy. The girl just shrugged. The funny thing is that she continued talking to him, even shared her drink with him. The guy was spending some minutes with her, turned back to his male friends, then back to her again, etc. Whenever he would bend to talk near her ear (music was quite loud), he would use the opportunity to land a kiss on her cheek.

    Ok, the guy knew what he was doing, I admit that. I just wonder why she even tolerated this kind of behavior. I have to say that even though she didn't seem to react to his advances, she wasn't stopping him either (she either liked him or she just liked the attention). I don't know if it's because I am a guy, but if I had been in her shoes, I would have pushed him away. I found him completely irritating and it was painful to watch him to do his trick and not get any opposition. Aren't girls a bit more protective of their personal space? I always thought this type of behavior qualified you as a creep (I have seen others get burned, but this guy seemed to be able to get his way).

    So, what gives? Was he doing anything right or was it simply a futile attempt (the girl went back home alone in the end)? Does it mean I have to behave like that in order to get a girl? It bothers me because it doesn't suit my personality. It's not my style to get all touchy with someone I barely know.

    Any advice? I am kind of confused here. To be honest, PUA helped me be more self-aware as regards social interactions, but I have yet to get a girl (been 2 years already)... I am still trying to define my style...

    Thanks in advance.
    Cheers, mates!

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Question about kino escalation

    TOUCHING is critically important!
    You definitely need to train yourself to do that more.

    When a guy is confident in his touch, a girl won't feel creeped out by it, and will allow for continuous advancement.

    I touch right from the very beginning.
    Whether it's elbow nudges, touching her hands or shoulders, the small of her back, etc...
    Any sort of "small" touch will allow for more intimate touch later.

    Touching builds a subconscious & emotional connection, as well as comfort.
    So combined with proper flirting, you can get a girl attracted & aroused quickly.

    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

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