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  • 2 Post By dave_xxx
  • 1 Post By I.M.Mortal

Thread: How is my response to the flake?

  1. #1
    tech4609 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How is my response to the flake?

    Hi All,

    Just had a girl flake on me at the last minute today and wonder if the experts could help me analyze my response.
    I called this HB8 during lunch and asked if she wants to go workout together (we are kind of workout buddies, don't really know if this is a good thing...), she said yes without hesitation.

    I was supposed to pick her up at 5:30, but she flaked on me around 5.
    I will copy the text that we have exchanged here:

    ----------Begin text transcript----------

    HB: "Dear"
    "We need to do it another time"
    "My boss called for a last-minute meeting"
    ""

    Me: "Then did you ask your boss how he will make it up to me?"

    HB: "haha"

    Me: "Still early, want to go golfing range instead?" (We sometimes go to golfing range at night too)

    HB: "Can't golf"
    ""
    "Because some senseless friend arranged a blind date 9:30 at night"

    Me: "Wow, an arrangement is made and you are just going to go?"
    "Who should I ask to make the arrangements for me if I am pursuing you?"
    "Never mind, we should get a divorce"
    "I am going to fight for custody of Stitch" (I got her a Stitch doll and calls her the mother)

    HB: "Haha"
    "I don't want to either"
    "they were persistent"
    "And the guy is flying tomorrow"
    "so really pushed for a meeting tonight"

    ----------End text transcript----------

    I have yet to respond to her.

    How was my response?
    Is the proper action now to stop initiating contact for a couple of days?

  2. #2
    ThtNikkaGP is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How is my response to the flake?

    hmm sounds to me like shes just making excuses to not meet. but we can just assume shes telling the truth for now.

    your response to her flake was good, you made it seem like no biggie but at the same time playfully told her your pursuing her. now on tht note you have got to turn the tables.. get her to chase you, dont text her for a few days if you havnt already. if she hits you up, respond and continue if she doesnt you need to build more attraction when you next see her.

  3. #3
    Othello the Great's Avatar
    Othello the Great is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How is my response to the flake?

    That "boss" line was hilarious.


    What she could see you as is that "funny flirty guy friend." I'd personally suggest building more attraction and escalating when possible. Make it explicitly clear that you want to be more than just her work out buddy.

  4. #4
    r0cky is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How is my response to the flake?

    Well the fact that you threw in another choice for a date, to play golf, seemed like a desperate attempt to see her. Seems also that she is not very interested anyways because of the blind date excuse. She was hinting that shes not looking to date you. Girl are usually nice when they like you, so when they say things like thiese is because they dont care about loosing you. I say no contact for 2 weeks.

  5. #5
    tech4609 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How is my response to the flake?

    Alright, so after 4 days of not contacting her, she just texted me "how have you been?"

    Should I:
    1. Take it as an IOI, respond, and try to go out again
    or
    2. Continue with the freeze out?


    I guess some background info is needed.
    A few weeks ago I was getting some pretty good IOI from the girl.
    This one week we actually met up for 4 out of 5 days:
    Thursday: Golf, shopping, and very late dinner
    Friday: She invited me to her place when I was waiting to go out with my friend
    Saturday: She was home alone and I asked her to dinner. After dinner I walked her home and we ended up sitting on the couch shoulder-to-shoulder and chatted for awhile before she had to go meet her other friends (I was jet-lagging at the time so didn't go with her).
    Sunday: Rest
    Monday: Worked-out at the gym together. Tried to see if she wanted dinner, but she didn't want to eat.

    Oh, side story: At the gym I actually forgot to bring a bottle for water. When she saw that I didn't have a container for water, she immediately offered her bottle to me.

    So I had a pretty good week with her.
    But then after that it got harder to meet up.
    It's been almost a month and we've only gone out about two more times (but there was also a week of Chinese New Years vacation where she went back home out of town).

    Last two weeks she actually flaked on me twice.
    Once I was going to bring Champagne to her place and she cancelled on the day, saying her place was a mess (which I believe). She texted and apologized at night. I then called her around midnight and we ended up talking for about 30 minutes.
    The second flake was explained in the first post of this thread.

  6. #6
    Tony_Stark is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How is my response to the flake?

    I'm no expert, so take my advice as incite.

    To me a few things are very clear. You defiantly got yourself in the friend zone. I'm going to assume by the shoulder to shoulder comment that you have not kissed yet.

    Bro you went on five dates in a row with this chick. You should be having crazy sex by now. Notice how I called them dates, to you you thought it was under the radar but to her there dates. You should not have seen her so frequently. Even if she's gf material it should have been twice a week.

    She was waiting for you to make the first move. Kiss should have been first/second date. Sounds like you still have a chance but you've really got to turn things around.
    It's not lying, it's flirting
    -The Game

  7. #7
    dave_xxx's Avatar
    dave_xxx is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How is my response to the flake?

    Whenever an HB asks me, "How have you been?"

    I usually respond, "I have been told that I have been pretty good but you gotta earn the right to find out for your self "

    It's a very alpha way to be humorous and come across showing your confidence.

  8. #8
    marvilo's Avatar
    marvilo is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How is my response to the flake?

    One thing that's wrong, you're doing every thing right: the only thing that's wrong is that you're not sexually escalating. If she's giving you IOI why not act on them instead of taking her out and becoming her gay bf. from what I've read, I see a clear green light make a move if you're really interested in her and want something. Make a move the next time you meet up with her!!!!!
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  9. #9
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How is my response to the flake?

    The response about the boss is great.

    But there's something greater at stake here. What's your goals with this girl?

    Ok, so you've known this girl for a while and you've even hung out with her in the past, but now it's getting less and less. What's happening here is you are losing value. Her reasons for flaking seem genuine, but at the same time, she didn't suggest an alternate date. One, you didn't give her the chance because you suggested an alternative plan yourself (a no no), which in a way is a DLV on yourself. She said "we need to do it another time" so I would've asked her (after all the funny stuff) when "Is a good time for you?"

    If your goal is to hook up with this girl, you needed to make the most out of your time together. Every date/hang out or whatever is a precious moment for you to shine. During that time, you need to be at your best game and pull out all the stops (generate attraction and comfort, get to know her as a person, be the best of you, escalate, kino, make her desire you)...basically strike the iron while it's hot. Did you kiss this girl yet? If not, you are losing momentum here and now you've lost some value. Think of each date/hangout a plateau.

    As for your questions. There is no point in freezing out.

    When a girl initiates text with you, it is a checkpoint passed. It means amidst her busy schedule, you are on the top of her mind and she is thinking of you. You can respond, but I would hold up in asking her out again. If you do, you need to demonstrate value that you are a busy person and you are fitting her into your schedule. So when you do throw out an idea to meet up, block out certain days and say you got a party or something going on and get her to suggest a day. If you feel that you cannot be on your best game (bad busy week), then I wouldn't be in a rush to ask her out. Many guys make this mistake. They are so anxious to see a girl regardless of where they are in their minds, they don't bring their best.


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