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Thread: She is confusing me... where do I stand?

  1. #21
    ninjabib is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She is confusing me... where do I stand?

    Doesn't even seem to be worthy as friend material let alone gf material. I would literally just slowly fade her out of mouth and let communication die down between you. No one needs a woman like this in their life.

  2. #22
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She is confusing me... where do I stand?

    I shouldn't be resurrecting old threads but there have been some developments.

    During those past months, I have been dating some other girls but it didn't work out for various reasons.
    She had been doing the same but without any success either.

    She called me this afternoon to tell me, while crying, that she had had enough of men, she could not trust anyone except her dad and me... and then she admitted she liked me and we should become a couple. I didn't say anything.

    The funny thing is that she was on her way to a date with a guy whom she met last week. They have been meeting everyday even though she doesn't really like him (she's just bored, she says). The guy is a prick (tried to force himself on her while drunk) but she forgave him already. She also doesn't intend to have sex with him or become his girlfriend, so she is simply fooling around, pretending to like him. To be honest, I believe her on the sex part because from our conversations she doesn't seem very open on this subject (she apparently made her exes wait for weeks/months before they could get any).

    Another thing to take into account: she hasn't technically broken up with her ex. He now lives in another country but he still thinks they are together. For her, everything is over but she doesn't dare tell him yet. It's quite messed up...

    She has become quite flirtatious with me the last couple of weeks and she keeps dropping hints that she is interested.

    What bothers me is that she might be doing that in desperation. I know she is quite vain and she is only interested in very good-looking men. She wouldn't have given a second thought on me if she had other options. For example, she told me yesterday she had met this amazing latino guy that was out of her league, but she still wanted him (the guy was not interested). I really don't want to be the rebound guy and I definitely deserve better.

    I don't know what to do. Too many red flags but I have been on a dry spell for quite some time. Quite a dilemma here... I also don't want to create office drama. My instinct tells me to keep a low profile until she find another sucker.

    Any advice?

    PS: for those who don't want to read the whole thread again, I remind that she is a colleague working next to my office. We grew closer with time, but I have seen a number of red flags in her relationship with men. The only redeeming feature I have found her is that we are totally on the same wavelength (I haven't had such a connection with many women and I appreciate her for that).

  3. #23
    ninjabib is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She is confusing me... where do I stand?

    I don' want to put a bummer on this but be wary. Sounds like you are the rebound or her plaything. As you say yourself there are many red flags.

    I know it's hard when feelings are involved but is this girl really worth it? She sounds unworthy to me but hey, it's your life.


    Sounds to me if you agree to 'date' this girl now she's ready you will end up being strung along and she won't put out.

    Sometimes you just gotta walk away.

  4. #24
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    Default Re: She is confusing me... where do I stand?

    given your history with her... i suggest you tell her you'll think about dating her if she isn't seeing anyone. that way you know shes absolutely serious and if she can be true to her word. if she thinks its ridiculous you can say that you have your reasons--you know her history. not only that you know she already talks crap about the guys she sees. how you can tell her this is by using qualification and pre-loading. say...

    "So i know you wanna get with me and i think its cute. you're crazy when we get partying but all that aside i know you a bit too well. its hard for me to know if you're being serious although i know we'll have fun. and knowing your history with guys how can i trust you'll be respectful to me?"

    ^^now...this needs a lot of rewording so it doesn't sound pompous but its got some key points. you'll have to reword it so you don't come across as a know it all. more like you're looking into the future and you see trouble. so with all this you'll be able to give her some thing you're looking for and she has to qualify / prove herself to you.

    if you wanna just Fack her, then say "We can Fack, but i'm not going to be anything else for you". be honest with yourself. what do you want?
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #25
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She is confusing me... where do I stand?

    I just want a relationship... I am not really into ONS or fark-buddy arrangements, as I easily get attached. Even if I wanted just sex, I doubt she would have granted it to me. She is quite conservative and takes pride in that she doesn't take off her pants easily (as I wrote before, I totally believe that from what I have seen so far).

    There are simply too many mind-games and too much manipulation with this girl. She could back-stab me anytime like she did with her ex (ok, the guy had anger-management issues and probably deserved it, but I still think she should be honest with him and tell him it's over). She also likes to have guys do what she wants. She tries to pull that shit with me and I don't always comply.

    What bother me the most is that I am probably seen as a "last resort" solution and this is the most offensive thing a girl can do to me. She had dinner with one of her girlfriends last week and was telling her all her problems with men. The friend then suggested my colleague to start dating me instead of all those guys (wtf? since when have I become a subject of discussion? and I really hate that friend in particular as she keeps cheating on her fiance).

    You are right guys, she is definitely not a keeper. If I had more options, I would definitely be looking elsewhere. Her declaration comes at a bad moment. I was seeing a girl until last week but we decided to break it off. I am in square one again and somewhat tempted by her offer...

    I shall resist then

  6. #26
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    Default Re: She is confusing me... where do I stand?

    she doesn't sound like a conservative... but then again--that word means nothing to me just like any other political word out there. they're just labels people toss around to pick sides instead of living life.

    as for staying away--that's healthy. she seems more trouble than shes worth. if you keep mentioning mind games i have no clue why you'd be interested at all. honestly--it sounds like she's a better ONS than relationship material. if she's serious about a relationship--shes gotta stop seeing other dudes because you know how she works...
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  7. #27
    ninjabib is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She is confusing me... where do I stand?

    Pepito i think you are making the right call, plenty of girls out there and most of them will be more deserving than this one.

  8. #28
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She is confusing me... where do I stand?

    Also, to be honest, I have quite a high sex drive. I would hate to hook up with her and be denied sex because of her misconceptions (she thinks it's not right to have sex at the very start of the relationship and I don't think she is a very sexual person overall). I really don't know how she managed to keep her exes for so long...

  9. #29
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    Default Re: She is confusing me... where do I stand?

    so... stop thinking about her...
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  10. #30
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She is confusing me... where do I stand?

    Lol, she called earlier to tell me she spent the night with that other guy, but nothing happened. She claims she is confused and doesn't know where this is going, despite the fact they meet everyday.

    She is a nutjob and she may also be trying to make me jealous.
    Case closed. Never falling for her tricks again!
    Thanks for the help, guys


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