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Thread: Need some expert insight/advice on recent unexpected break up

  1. #1
    Jaysmood is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need some expert insight/advice on recent unexpected break up

    Hey guys, decided to ask for advice here. Some what of an unusual situating.its new to me so...

    Im going to start and go backwards since it can get a little long but i'll appreciate if you take the time. Trying to provide details. First off, I have a decent amount of game and understanding of it so im not clueless. I just want to make sure im doing the best thing here. here it goes

    So I just broke up with my gf for about a year. It recently became a LDR so keep that in mind. the way we came to break up was I was being needy but at the same time, insensitive.
    So she hadn't responded to me in a few days and when she did she said she been going through some things like dealing with her little brother, her mom's bs, school, and trying to find a job(money).
    So I replied with, "oh thanks. Its ok, I understand how hard it can b to pick up your phone for 3 seconds to text me"

    She replied, "I just told you im going though all this shit and that's all you have to say"

    I reply, "I said thanks!"

    that was the end of that and we stopped talking for a couple days. SO I tried to reinitiate contact 2-3 days later with no luck. Called and texted..no reply. So I wait another 2-3 days call and text. My text consisted of something like, "idk whats going on but I hope your ok. if your doing this on purpose its pretty immature of you"..no reply

    So I wait another 2 days call and text..no reply
    the reason I was calling and texting so much is because we talk everyday (LDR). Also that's totally not like her to do this. She ignored me once before wen we first switched to LDR when I joked about having another gf. She cut contact for 3 days.

    So anyway, after about 7-8 days of this I call again and leave a voicemail saying, "idk whats going on..u cant even call me back or answer. if I don't hear from you soon I guess im gonna have to assume that we're not together, bye"

    Wake up next morning with a text saying, how she told me she was going though all that stuff and I didn't care. She don't have the time and energy for this. take care...not exact but close to that.

    so I call no answer...then i text her, "cant even call...like this, a text? we should at least talk"...of course no reply
    So I text one final text saying, "I just wanted to say since your phone still isn't working haha. Im, sorry, I understand. Just follow your heart my little buddy! Hope it all works out for ya"
    and that was the end of that. So now its no contact and still haven't heard from her

    So I figured just stick to the no contact for 3-5 weeks any thoughts or insight? I do want to get her back if possible.
    Thanks guys for reading

    I figured i'll give more details in the next post about our relationship if any of you are willing to read through

  2. #2
    Jaysmood is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some expert insight/advice on recent unexpected break up

    Haha after reading that I sound pretty bad. But this is the part that I thought would bring more understanding. Our relationship..
    So we met she was on vacation from Fl in Hawaii. She left I hit her up on fb got the #..she soon after came to Hawaii to visit me for a week or 2. Next thing she decided to move here to be with me. we lived together for about 9 months or so. I was/am usually a total alpha. anyway she got 2 jobs because we were supposed to get another place together. all the while I stopped paying attention to her and doing my own thing. she got an apartment by herself because that's what I wanted. only to move back to Fl a couple weeks later because I didn't care and all that. But we still spent time together and hung out the week before she left. she said I too busy doing my shit and that's y she was leaving. and maybe later in a year or so we can try again. I let her leave and she wanted to do the LDR and I was against it. But after a while I decided I wanted to give the LDR a try. Soon things where going great. better than ever and we would talk all day. facetime all the time and what not. we planned a trip together...I was even supposed to go visit her to meet her family..and she was planning on moving back to Hawaii with me. then all of this happened so that's why I though she was jus upset and I was calling and texting so much. its because she thinks I don't care so I was just trying to show her that I do. So that's why I wanted to make sure what I was doing(NC) was the best thing. She was always the one chasing me. So again...thanks for taking the time to read though..Appreciate any insight of advice
    JAY

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Need some expert insight/advice on recent unexpected break up

    You're being completely insensitive, needy, manipulative & just plain selfish.

    You're making this about you, when she's got a lot of emotional crap going on with her.

    Women get like that... and when they do, you need to know how to handle it & be supportive, yet allow her a little space to breathe.

    By picking at her & potentially trying to start an argument or pissing match about why she hasn't responded, it makes you look like a tool.

    (I've done that myself in the past!)
    It NEVER works.


    You need to learn how to pull back just enough that she doesn't feel smothered... but still show her you care... even if it's just listening to her.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  4. #4
    Jaysmood is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some expert insight/advice on recent unexpected break up

    Thanks for ur reply T. I agree and i would like to be different because i feel she deserves more. Do you have any advice on how i should do so. I would really like to send her some flowers or something but im kind of lost on this one. Its only been about 4-5 days since this happened and its bumming me out.

  5. #5
    Jaysmood is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some expert insight/advice on recent unexpected break up

    I figured im not always buying and doing things for her so in this case it might be an acccepting if i do something nice??

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Need some expert insight/advice on recent unexpected break up

    Flowers aren't gonna help a whole lot.
    You need to work on YOU.

    It takes effort to retrain yourself to break the habit of reacting like that when a girl is less plugged in than she normally is.

    You need to be sympathetic & empathetic to her needs, without caving in & becoming her whipping boy.

    A girl sometimes just needs to vent & be allowed to have an emotional outburst... and she wants a man who can handle that & deal with it accordingly; rather than have his own emotional breakdown.

    She needs you to be strong when she's feeling weak & overwhelmed.
    You need to be her rock & source of peace, instead of crumbling & adding to her stress.


    If I were gonna recommend any reading material, I would definitely say "The Tao Of Badass".



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  7. #7
    Jaysmood is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some expert insight/advice on recent unexpected break up

    Thanks again T-mal it helps a lot. Definitely look into that read. So if you don't advise against it I want to go ahead with the flowers and basically tell her on the message card that I know i was being selfish and insensitive.and basically im sorry and would like to try work through this if possible. And i want to talk whenever shes ready...i know it sounds pretty weak but i feel it might be my best way to try fix things. Probably wait a few more days though. Also if you have any suggestions of what to add on the card that would be great

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Need some expert insight/advice on recent unexpected break up

    What T-Mal said was full of win and I'd have to agree with him.

    From one Hawaii brutha to anotha, I'll add my 2 cents. I would go ahead and send the flowers and card. The rules of pickup don't really apply here as you are past that stage.

    After that, go NO CONTACT and give her space, and use that time to work on your OWN self-development and inner game.

    I live by this creed. "A real man knows how to make a woman feel like a real woman." When you succeed in doing so, she will treat you like a man. You do that by not being clingy, not being needy, and you need to set her free. If you can't set her free, then you are the one with deep seated issues and that is not alpha.

    There's a saying "When you love someone, set them free. If that love is true, it will come back to you."

    You need to learn to give her her space and yet be there for her. She will return to you on her own terms if it was meant to be. That is something you will have to just accept.

    We can't tell you what to write on the card. That should come from your own heart and be in your own words. Best thing is post it here and we can say "yay or nay" But pretty much what you propose looks good.

    After that you need to stop initiating and looking like an AFC. You will have to become attractive to her again as if she was a girl you just met.

    Once in a while after a few weeks, send her a holding pattern text as if you were trying to pick her up. Don't even mention the words "text me back" or anything of that nature! An example. Text her something like you saw something that reminded you of her and some private moment when things were good...Something to draw a connection. End it with "I hope all is well with you."

    And this time no fvck up brah. When you have a gf and want to keep her, one of the biggest tips to staying attractive is "always be dating your gf/wife" and "treat your gf/wife as you would a mistress." Always ask yourself, if she met you today, would she date you? Being in a relationship is no excuse to drop your guards, get lazy and take things for granted. Because when sh1t goes down like this, it makes you realize you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone.

  9. #9
    Jaysmood is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some expert insight/advice on recent unexpected break up

    Right on bra..appreciate u taking the time. The advice is good and i know i gotta work on that. I always end up getting bored with girls but it probably has a lot to do with me. Well anyway im gonna go ahead n send those basically saying what i mentioned up above as well as, "it would b a shame to throw away our great friendship over this and i hope we can work through this!" And then leave it at that. I'll b tryna work on myself in the mean time n remember the words you live by haha
    Thanks again to both of you..it really helps in a stressful time

  10. #10
    Jaysmood is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some expert insight/advice on recent unexpected break up

    Hey guys.jus a little update
    I went ahead and sent the flowers..no response. A week later i felt i just had to start moving on and for me to do so i sent her a message telling her what i had to say. Basically more detailed about how i was willing to try and make this work and all that but extra long...i know gay but i felt i want a girl that is different and would respond to this type of actions. So anyway the next day she finally texed me saying
    "Hi I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you but this has been really hard for me, I hope you and your family are doing well. thank you for the roses by the way they're beautiful"

    Just wondering what you guys think about this. I havent responded yet as it just happened and im not sure how to go about it. I still would like to make it work if possible but any insight would b cool


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