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Thread: Proof women are illogical (your advice is requested)

  1. #1
    live9free1or1die is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Proof women are illogical (your advice is requested)

    I met Jenny (not real name) 3.5 years ago in my fraternity house around Halloween - she was ecstatic that she had finally found her Waldo. I found a really slutty looking Native American, which was pretty tits. Anyways around 2.5 years ago I began asking her out officially and before I knew it a relationship began with the hottest chick I have ever been in a relationship with by far (8.5 or 9). Mostly this relationship was what I wanted spare a few chronic errors by her which persistently plagued my decision making.

    In the past I would make the argument "Use logic, and clearly, calmly express your argument. Lay out the case piece by piece." This does not work with women and anyone who disagrees is a dopehead. What you are left with while using this method to talk about issues and faults is a pyrrhic victory. She always reloaded and shoved it back at me at a later date. Ultimately this ended my relationship. I’m going to omit many details… but here's what I mean:

    1. I would express to Jenny that frankly, it isn't alright to show up late to this wedding or that dinner. She admitted it, agreed even, yet in the future would act out and do it again.
    2. I would express to Jenny that airing your grievances publicly while drunk in a bar may not be the best way to go about dealing with relationship issues. While others may care, they aren’t going to solve anything – only you can do that.
    3. I would express to Jenny that playing with your phone constantly isn’t really the healthiest way to maintain a relationship.
    4. I would also express to Jenny that pouting in the corner because I didn’t give her much attention in a bar the night before only leads to further resentment. She actually did this at my brother’s wedding. Pretty sure he’s only getting married once, can’t erase that.

    Calmly communicating what is on my mind has never worked with any female in my life, not sure why I thought it would work those times. Eventually I caught onto this trend “no contact” which is all over PUA and relationship forums for men. It’s leverage, a way of showing distaste or asserting authority on another. And so a new opportunity for no contact arose: With a jolt of unpredictability she actually asked me, after 2 years of being together, lets go to concert XYZ. The concert was paid by her, usually we didn’t pay for each other. She chose to get black out drunk right quick (she’s pretty small) and leave me in order to pursue her ‘hobby’ of taking pictures of the band in an area blocked off to me. This left me alone, and actually I started talking to the chicks next to me for a while but this deep into the relationship I found the situation to be a little farked to say the least since this is a standard 1-1 date. I texted her several times since I couldn’t yell over to her and she seemed to ignore it. She eventually came back over and I said “It’s time to leave.” Like a proud asshole I blasted music loud enough that talking could not occur on the 23 minute ride home. Didn’t even look at her. When we got back to my place I threw her purse at her and said “get out of my house.” At the door I attempted to explain why I was annoyed, but she would not stop drunkenly yelling / cutting me off.

    Just after Christmas… No contact has begun.
    I waited about 3 days for a text, call, or apology of sorts. I just wanted a talk. Zilch. Nothing. I figured since she is constantly on her phone, I would change the facebook status to single. This was aimed at getting her to speak to me, since we never had a conversation about what happened anyways. Instead she combusted like supernova all over the motherfarking world. Scathing texts, attempting to destroy my name on facebook.
    Due to hostile demeanor no contact continued.
    Several days later she began pouring her soul into little love letters on facebook. She apparently was pounding a couple bottles of wine each night, crying all over the place, and explaining that I was her life. The man she intended to marry. The man she wronged. She eventually stopped writing on 1/24/2014.

    I ceased the no contact on 2/26/14-ish.
    Between 1/24 and 2/26 she had gone from wishing she could be with me to hearing the 4-5 things that need to change in her if I am to be in her life at all. Last night she appears to have finally let me go. I didn’t ask for her back, simply spelled out what was wrong in my eyes.

    Even now I question whether or not I should be with her. She apparently did some horrible things to herself and others once I went no contact. They say don’t date mentally unstable women (go fark myself). And I also question the limitations of going no contact with a girl for this long of a duration. A month less of no contact and I would have farked her sideways last night. Instead I am single. If you are reading this right we both, at a time, showed a willingness to let a 2 year relationship die based on her taking pictures and me changing a facebook status. That is pretty ridiculous right there, what is this high school.
    Basically I just wanted to hear your input on no contact, and really what you think about my relationshit as a whole. I need this to be a learning experience. Thanks.

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Proof women are illogical (your advice is requested)

    Yep, welcome to the real world.
    Women are EMOTIONAL creatures. That's just who the are.

    Men tend to be more logically driven.
    That's why the two sexes often clash... because neither have taken the time to learn how to communicate & understand the other.

    A women wants a man who will let her be a woman; and who won't have his own emotional meltdown when she's an emotional wreck.

    Men say exactly what they mean... women tend to hint about things & don't always let you know what specifically is wrong.

    But the good news is, with time & practice, you can learn how to understand them.



    .


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
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    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Proof women are illogical (your advice is requested)

    Okay, I agree with your statements about logic and women, but you've gone about this all wrong IMO.

    Your actions are those of someone who is immature himself and not certain how to handle a relationship. It sounds like, instead of using logic, you've been lecturing Jenny--neither strategy works. The best strategy to employ with poor behavior is to treat it with an air of indifference. For instance, she pouts at a wedding, you go and start dancing and drinking with other people. If she sees you having fun, eventually she'll want to come over and join. When you go to a concert and she ditches you to be a band slut, start gaming other women and make sure they're being handsy with you when she comes back. When she starts yelling at you in a bar, excuse yourself to the washroom for ten minutes so she can cool down.

    Also, "no contact" was ridiculous in this circumstance. No contact is often suggested when there is a power differential in the relationship. For instance, where a guy has acted beta and his gf leaves him, he can gain social status by going no contact. You can do the same thing in a relationship that is on a rocky path. That doesn't sound like the case here. In fact, it sounds like you had the higher social status and then decided to go no contact. Of course she went catatonic. You had the higher status and then you made an unnecessary power grab.

    Additionally, the changing facebook status was extremely immature. I refuse to change statuses on facebook ever. I've done it in the past and it does nothing but cause problems. Keep your status undeclared, because changing fb statuses in a relationship is extremely hurtful. If you wanted to talk to her, you should have reached out to her or waited.

    An alpha male should lead the men and women around him by inspiring them to follow his lead. In your case, it sounds like you've treated Jenny like a child. There's a difference. You've acted superior and expected her to just listen to you.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  4. #4
    live9free1or1die is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Proof women are illogical (your advice is requested)

    Thank you both for chiming in. Believe it or not I agree 100 percent with both of you.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Proof women are illogical (your advice is requested)

    I think you're a smart guy who 1) struggles with evaluating his self-worth and 2) needs a strong smack to the face like most guys do after a long relationship. Go meet BETTER (and that really is the word) women.

    You're worth it.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


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    Default Re: Proof women are illogical (your advice is requested)

    Regarding the phone-use:

    I had the exact same thing during my relationship. My girlfriend was really addicted to her phone.

    You should stop concentrating on her behavior, it will only make you nag. Instead, focus on doing things together... Make her feel that spending time with you is so much better than looking at her phone.

    Me and my girlfriend often had these "Saturday talking moments", where we just would cook a nice dinner/have a drink together and talk about things that were annoying over the past week. The key is to not tell your girl she is doing something wrong. Instead I approached it this way:

    ME: "Lately I noticed we're both using our phones a lot. What if we would have like one hour a day where we ignore our phones and just have some quality time together? Like good old times!"

    The timeframe is totally up to you, even if it's only 15minutes a day.. it's better than nothing, right? Use the quality time for doing something FUN! The moment she spends more quality time than scheduled, you know you're back on track! ;-)

    Stop pointing-your-finger towards her, and start talking in the "we" form... your relationship will get a lot better. The goal is to have a good conversation with one another without bursting out in rage, ignoring each other, or all the other immature bullshit.

    I cannot point out enough how important it is to have a good talk with your girlfriend. It does not always have to be about how much you like her or what you did during the day. Talk about your feelings and listen to hers.


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