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  • 1 Post By T-Mal

Thread: My theory about IOIs and attraction - help please

  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default My theory about IOIs and attraction - help please

    Hey guys,

    I have been into PUA for 1.5 years now. I have read a lot, approached several times, had mitigated results and still looking into improving my game. There are times where things could have worked out, but the logistics were against me. No big deal, at least I know I can have some success (to be honest, I would consider myself as a 5/6 - of course, I don't aim for 8+, but more in the 6/7 category).

    Reading about game has really opened my eyes and I have improved my social skills. Sure, I still haven't managed to get a gal but I am working on it

    So, after several failed approaches/dates, I have been thinking about what went wrong. I usually meet girls at friends' parties or meetups. I think that my problem has been that I have been coming too strong when there was no attraction. I am good at building comfort but I fall short on attraction. I am working on kino right now, but there's a theory I have come up with. From what I have experienced, when the girls doesn't show any IOI during the first encounter, then there's little hope to make her feel attracted to you (unless you are super good-looking). On the other hand, if she is into you, even if you make mistakes, she will be forgiving. If you follow all the PUA advice, then things should go smoothly

    In a nutshell, my theory is that if she isn't attracted from the beginning, then it is hopeless. You can climb the Everest, cure cancer or become the President of the USA, nothing will change. Sure, you can build attraction by improving your appearance, inner and outer game, but if she doesn't fall for you in the beginning, then it's over. I have tried my luck with quite a number of girls I have met at parties or meetups (and with whom we had a fun time). For those that didn't show any IOIs, I either never got a reply to my sms or things ended after the first date. For those that showed IOIs at any given time, I have managed to secure several dates (logistics were against me and things didn't go any further).

    I have read DeAngelo's book "attraction is not a choice" and have understood the whole concept. Yet, I have this impression that I should not waste my time with chicks that don't seem interested from the beginning. I should normally move to the next target.

    I just wanted to get the opinion of the most experienced guys here. Do you agree/disagree? How did it work out for you?

    Please bear in mind that I am a 5/6. I am realistic enough to know I will not create a "wow" impression with my looks but I have at least a charming personality. I try to even the odds with that but I know there are limits to what I can do.

    I number-closed 2 HBs yesterday at a meetup (met them for the first time ever). One was nice and friendly (but she seemed to be like that with everyone). The other one played with her hair during the interaction (but then again, it means nothing at all - then again, she did ask if I want to join her and her friends for dinner but I was good and I declined).
    Considering the lack of explicit interest (like it was the case with the 2-3 chicks whom I knew they liked me and with whom things could have worked), I am wondering whether I should meet these 2 new chicks. I could be a waste of time after all...

    PS: FYI, I am not into ONS, I just want a relationship.

    UPDATE: Ok, I googled the name of one of the chicks I met. Turns out she is the co-founder of the local branch of an international movement against street harassment. Is that a red flag or what? I am always cautious of active feminists...

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: My theory about IOIs and attraction - help please

    You're only limited by your own beliefs.

    I have a friend who is completely bald, and has scars on his face from an accident when he was younger. Just to look at him you would think the guy must me a hermit.....
    He seriously looks like the main guy from the movie "The Hills Have Eyes" but he STILL pulls girls who are solid 8's all the time.

    His personality is larger than life & he has a stellar sense of humor. He's not afraid to speak his mind but still has tact.

    Attraction is just about physical looks with women. Their attraction switches go deep into their psyche & emotional connection.

    It's true that guys who are "hot looking" have a much easier time with the initial stages & in the very beginning... but I've seen plenty of "great looking" guys who are complete tools & clueless schmucks... and despite their good looks, they struggle getting girls because they do everything wrong.

    You just need to have more confidence in yourself... lose the limiting beliefs.

    Attraction can grow into something huge, even if there was no initial spark.




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  3. #3
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: My theory about IOIs and attraction - help please

    *I mis-typed in my previous post...

    I meant to say "Attraction ISN'T just about physical looks with women".

    I didn't have time to proof read my post earlier this morning...
    But I wanted to clarify that one point.


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  4. #4
    theeights is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My theory about IOIs and attraction - help please

    Quote Originally Posted by pepito View Post
    I think that my problem has been that I have been coming too strong when there was no attraction. I am good at building comfort but I fall short on attraction.
    There's your answer

    Focus on learning how to build attraction. It has little to do with your looks.

  5. #5
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    cockofzeus is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My theory about IOIs and attraction - help please

    Quote Originally Posted by psychoactive View Post
    There's your answer

    Focus on learning how to build attraction. It has little to do with your looks.
    I agree learn how to flick womens attraction switches. To me its more through confidence and social proof. When you learn how to talk to women you can build instant rapport and can kino them early which give off lots of attraction and comfort.
    Do well, Live well... And Dress really well.


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