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  1. #1
    mitkoberba is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Need help with a FRIEND

    It is not 100% pickup related but I think noone could help me more than you guys in this situation.

    There is a girl who is one of my best friends for like a year now. However, this can't be compared to my friendships with other guys. I noticed that I have to game her on a very light level to keep things going and always exciting. I've never thought that I would date nor even bang her so our relationship never progressed that way, and I think she would tell the same.

    But - as if it was a proper relationship - things have started to get worse, more boring, less contact, and I froze her out for like 3 months. Just not replying, she texted me one or two times but that was it. A week ago we bumped into each other drunk and started talking again, texting the whole week, than meeting up next weekend.

    All started well, but it ended really badly for the two of us. We were going somewhere, just the two of us, when one of my mates (who was attracted to her) texted me that he also wants to come, I said alright, of course he can come. I thought the 3 of us could lead to some embarrassing moments so I decided to invite another mate of mine so we were four. And the girl and the friend who asked to come along started to make out. I don't know why, but I immediately felt really bad about this. I can't explain it really, I can totally honestly say that I'm not attracted sexually to this girl but still, somehow I love being with her and it hurt me a lot that they made out than went home together. I was really drunk and so was her, so I cant remember properly, but I got the impression from their behavior afterwards that I was looking upset about the whole thing (i was!). But since we are only friends, I don't know if my disappointment is justified.

    Next day she texted me if I am mad at her and I replied no, but a little disappointed (which I am, a lot). She told me that she is disappointed with me, too, and asked what did she do to disappoint me. I haven't replied yet, but don't know how to handle this situation. Gossip has already started about my hidden feelings for this girl etc. etc. I would welcome any advice.

  2. #2
    theeights is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with a FRIEND

    Well if I had planned to hang out with a buddy 1 on 1 and then it just randomly turned into me being a third wheel, that would suck... Is it like that?

    Or do you actually have hidden feelings for her?

  3. #3
    cockofzeus's Avatar
    cockofzeus is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with a FRIEND

    Quote Originally Posted by mitkoberba View Post
    It is not 100% pickup related but I think noone could help me more than you guys in this situation.

    There is a girl who is one of my best friends for like a year now. However, this can't be compared to my friendships with other guys. I noticed that I have to game her on a very light level to keep things going and always exciting. I've never thought that I would date nor even bang her so our relationship never progressed that way, and I think she would tell the same.

    But - as if it was a proper relationship - things have started to get worse, more boring, less contact, and I froze her out for like 3 months. Just not replying, she texted me one or two times but that was it. A week ago we bumped into each other drunk and started talking again, texting the whole week, than meeting up next weekend.

    All started well, but it ended really badly for the two of us. We were going somewhere, just the two of us, when one of my mates (who was attracted to her) texted me that he also wants to come, I said alright, of course he can come. I thought the 3 of us could lead to some embarrassing moments so I decided to invite another mate of mine so we were four. And the girl and the friend who asked to come along started to make out. I don't know why, but I immediately felt really bad about this. I can't explain it really, I can totally honestly say that I'm not attracted sexually to this girl but still, somehow I love being with her and it hurt me a lot that they made out than went home together. I was really drunk and so was her, so I cant remember properly, but I got the impression from their behavior afterwards that I was looking upset about the whole thing (i was!). But since we are only friends, I don't know if my disappointment is justified.

    Next day she texted me if I am mad at her and I replied no, but a little disappointed (which I am, a lot). She told me that she is disappointed with me, too, and asked what did she do to disappoint me. I haven't replied yet, but don't know how to handle this situation. Gossip has already started about my hidden feelings for this girl etc. etc. I would welcome any advice.
    You said you have 'hidden feelings' for this girl. so i would assume you like her but not enough to fvck her? you have to figure out what you want with this girl and make it clear to her or else you might lose your chances of being with her or even damage your friendship.

    Now if you want to be in a relationship with her this is my take on it.Youre bestfriends with her so i assume you have established comfort and deep rapport, now you have to escalate. Either sexually escalate or direct game, but before you do that it is imperative that you make sure she has a strong attraction to you because youre going to throw away the best friend status. It is normal for women not to respond once in a while and i dont think you had to freeze her. She did not do anything wrong and its your responsibility to keep her on the edge. Mirroring would be helpful if this happens, it also helps prevent neediness.

    As for the text, you would want to look alpha. be unaffected of what happened, women are more attracted to men who are fun rather than being dramatic or jealous. I would also punish that kind of behavior. let a few days pass, figure out your next move, show some attraction, make her feel good then let her chase you.
    Do well, Live well... And Dress really well.

  4. #4
    mitkoberba is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with a FRIEND

    I really dont know if this can be called hidden feelings. I'm single for a longish time now and she was like a GF to me during this time on an emotional level, but we never ever had sex or even kissed each other. But it was fine be me, totally honestly.

    Now im unsure if im jealous or it is just because we planned to make it for the 2 of us and I turned out to be 3rd wheel.

    edit: cockofzeus! i dont want to get together, i cannot imagine us being in a relationship, dating or having sex, but i really like her as a person! i want to keep things as they were in the beginning of our 'friendship' -> dont know a better word to describe this. there must be some attraction cause ive never had a real woman friend.

  5. #5
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    cockofzeus is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with a FRIEND

    I think youre getting too attached to her but unsureabout taking it to another level. If you want her as your bestfriend you cant be selfish about it. To be a really good friend to her requires sincerity and honesty. I would say figure out what you really want with her, or maybe you just need time. Have fun atm, go out on dates with other women and that should help you decide if you want to keep her in the friendzone or not.
    Last edited by cockofzeus; 03-24-2014 at 01:11 PM. Reason: add
    Do well, Live well... And Dress really well.

  6. #6
    Ra1d is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with a FRIEND

    You know what you should have done the moment they started to make out ?Hit on another chick and take her home before the girl went home with your buddy that asked to come along.

    I don't know if you want this girl or not,but the feeling you have is clear jealousy,might not be because you liked her,but because you thought that she liked you and then you see her make out with another guy.

    The text you sent was a mistake,because you basically revealed to her that you're jealous,and the reason she's disappointed about you is because right now you're a wuss in her eyes,because another guy took her home,because you couldn't make a move."Are you mad?" was an obvious shit test that you didn't pass.You don't even know if anything happened,although most likely something did.

    I would say the correct way to respond is :

    Her : "What did I do to disappoint you ?"
    You : "It's nothing that you did,it's because we're not hanging out more often " (You said that you haven't seen her in a while).

    I think this would be more appropriate.From there you could probably meet her and hook up with her if you wanted.

    This is my take on the situation.


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