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Thread: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

  1. #11
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    I know a girl like this, she is hesitant about me for two reasons, the first is that i developed a reputation for being a "smooth talking manwhore" that could talk a girl right out of her panties.

    The second is that she didn't feel good enough for me.

    The third though...she wouldn't let me kiss her the first time, she kept catching herself and stopping herself. She liked the game that was being played with LMR. She didn't want to "loose control" per say. Use the LMR techniques with her and escalate a bit every time...from what I Have read she likes you, but the push/pull of LMR REALLY turns her on.

    Don't use the stick bro, use the carrot, aka don't clear things up with her. She was trying to do that with you by mentioning being friends, ignore it agree and keep escalating.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  2. #12
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    OK so she texted me and told me what was the issue. She said she really liked me, and that she likes me more and more very day, but since she is planning to leave Australia to live in London she does not want a relationship.

    What is the best move for me do you think?

  3. #13
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    Tell her something along the lines of:

    "Baby, I prefer not to label things. We are just two people who enjoy each other's company. There is nothing wrong with exploring things between us. You should always do what makes you happy, and I'll always support you for that."

    The key points:

    You reject her frame of "i don't wan to hurt you" and set a new frame of "We are just exploring things with each other, quit putting so much thought into things, silly girl."

    You are supporting her decision to do what makes her happy, which she will love. Let her reply and set a date with her and make sure to escalate, and you should be gold bro.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  4. #14
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    Hello again,
    I sent her a text saying that if we are the right match for each other we have to let the relationship grow, and that I will make sure she will be looked after.

    She did not reply on that text, and today (after two days) I texted her to see how she went and she said that she had gone to a town which is 5 hours drive from here and she would be back next week. She asked if I was ok and that kind of chit chat too.

    I am thinking that she did not say "no I just want a friend" and she did no say" ok let's date!" as well. So shall I take it as a window to pursue a relationship with her? Like just see her a few more times and escalate until I can bring the relationship matter up again?

    I'm doing my approaches and game so this one does not stop me. However I really like her and so it would be awesome to have it as my GF

    Thanks guys

  5. #15
    OG_PlMP is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    Honestly man stop texting serious things! It gives them the time to think about it and over think about it then they will think about all the bad things they don't like about what you guys are doing. Then she'll start coming up with stupid excuses that she would never come up with face to face.

    I would chill with the texts of relationships and all that. Who cares if she's foreign and doesn't speak good english. She speaks well enough to communicate on your date, then she speaks well enough to talk face to face about it.

    I agree with others that posted here. kino more. Even if you did have a great date (and it sounds like it from your last post) you still aren't doing enough. The kiss should come natural from kino escalation. Keep doing what you're doing but work in the hand hold. If you guys already held hands (which is clearly something friends don't do, and something couples do) then you should be golden for the kiss. Involve alcohol if she drinks too.

    Here's what I do on most first dates and I've never got any resistance from it: Start kinoing like you are. A lot of arm/shoulder touches, hand on waist/lower back when walking, once you guys sit down next to each other or even just start the date itself, pick up the pace. Touch her hair, smell her hair, compliment the smell of her hair as if you're surprised, hold hands some more, then wait for a stop in the conversation. If there isn't one, good! Make one. Start being really closed ended with your convo. After she stops talking, go for the kiss. Touch her face first (one hand on her cheek) and if she lets you touch her face without pulling away then go in for the kiss. And start light - don't shove your tongue down her throat or anything.

    Ive never had a girl reject me after holding her hands but if she does for whatever reason and asks why you did that tease her or just say something like, "I dunno, i just wanted to kiss you" and start laughing and push her away playfully.

    I wouldn't try to define the relationship more. Just date her and have a good time and things will unfold naturally. Even movie dates are good for kino. Traditionally puas hate movie dates but I like them (i dunno if id consider myself a pua as there's still plenty I need to work on to be a master). But movie dates with a girl you already know pretty well is always a good thing because you're sitting next to her, you can touch her arm and hold her hand a lot, and its pretty much expected that you guys will make out at some point (before the credits hopefully). Bring a bottle of wine to the movie too! Do things that are against the norm. Girls love breaking the rules. Last time I did a movie date with a girl I already knew (ex co worker) and it went so well that we ended up having sex in the back of the theater both while the movie was playing and after the credits, then after we got kicked out by the cleaning krew we went to my car and finished up the job. Remember, it was our FIRST date!

    Anyway, back to your situation, just chill on the texts, set up a meet up whenever she's in town and you're both available, hopefully involve alcohol to lighten things up, and just escalate in person. She'll get the point. Don't believe anyone who says its a lost cause. I've posted on here when I first joined many times about many different girls. People on here are too quick to say "move on". I never did and 90% of the time things ended up in my favor with either a new fuck buddy or with the girl falling in love with me later on and me dumping her.

  6. #16
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    I don't think anybody is telling this guy to move on. He's obviously doing well, but like you said he needs to stop texting serious things.

    Stop trying to define the relationship. This will push her away. She already told you she might be moving and whatever so take that as a cue to stop trying to get serious with her. If she brings it up again tell her what Blistex said. When things progress and you hook up with her allot, she will start bringing relationship stuff up. Then if you feel the same way that's when you bring it further.

  7. #17
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    Bro, you butchered my text. Telling her "she will be looked after" implies marriage, living together, etc. She sounds like she cares about you, and if she doesn't want anything serious she will pull away from this.

    Honestly I wouldn't send her what I wrote now, if you have not already because this will show some real in-congruence within your personality and provide her some subtle cues.

    You just need to back off for a bit and let her be, you are coming on too strong, and the fact that she still talks to you is a good thing, but she needs some space now.

    A breakdown of your text:
    if we are the right match for each other we have to let the relationship grow
    You labeled this as a relationship, which in the sense a woman thinks of the word means boyfriend and girlfriend, exactly what she does NOT want

    and that I will make sure she will be looked after
    This implies something a husband does for his wife. He takes care of her and provides for her. This is the exact frame of reference you wanted to avoid

    Her asking if you are okay implies that she may have hurt you, by saying you are fine you are accepting her frame, whatever it may be.

    I reiterate, recovery here will require space, then some of the initial attraction-building you used before, but with different variations on the same techniques. You will need to use different situations, words, kino moves, etc but with the same basic structure behind them.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  8. #18
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    Thanks so much Blistex and DirectIsBest,
    For some strange reasons I don't get email notifications and so I miss out your valuable comments.

    In regards to this chick, the problem is that I don't know how to make her understand that a relationship is not necessary and I am happy with any kind of relationship (dating, FWB, etc) as long as sex is involved! I cannot directly tell her that "OK I understand that you don't want a relationship how about hooking up twice a week?!". So I have to somehow communicate this with her. The fact that she lets me touch her so much, even at her private area such as her bum, tells me that she feels some sexual attraction. So I just wonder how can I avoid becoming her friend and rather get he laid! Label is not important as long as I can get some sex for the perfect dates that I take her to!

    Can you help me with this please?

    p.s. For now I have stopped communicating with her not only because I want to give her some space but also because I am sick of being the one who is chasing. I want to see some effort from her side too. If she is not willing to make any effort why would I?

    Cheers guys


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