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Thread: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

  1. #1
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    Hi guys,

    Majority of times I approach women during the day and directly. I rarely approach them indirectly, and so I almost don't leave any room for them to think I am after a friend!

    But sometimes, like this case : http://www.puaforums.com/ask-expert/26345-help-avoiding-friend-zoned-hb10.html I approach the girl directly, then we go on a date and on the date she asks me if I am single, she asks me about my ex and so forth, but for a long time nothing happens! She keeps arranging dates but is very reluctant to do any physical contact let alone to kiss.

    In the post that I mentioned some of you suggest to move on. I am fine with that because I never get stuck with one woman, and I keep gaming as many women I can. However, I don't like to move on based on an assumption, because sometimes I connect with a girl and I like her so I want to see if there is any chance of a good relationship there. So if I just make an assumption that she is gaming me or she sees me as a friend etc and I move on, and if I am wrong, then I would kick myself for ages!

    So my question is that in such cases, say if I go on 10 dates for 2 months (extreme case) and nothing happens, is it good to sit and talk to her to clear things up? Or is it DLV ?

  2. #2
    hometownextra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    I am presuming you aren't using kino early and often. Condition yourself to naturally kino everyone and everything.

    You likely aren't making her qualify before giving her reward. Thusly she doesn't feel you are going to go anywhere.

    Don't have any information on your body language likely need to improve upon that,

    Sounds like you don't have control of the frame.

    Also sounds like you have been focusing too much on comfort and rapport without keeping things flirty and light which is killing the attraction.

    Right now you need to do some damage control. If it isn't too late. Look up qualifying disqualifiers work on your non verbals, for the love of god kino early and often in all sets work on frame control and use more push/pull and less rapport and comfort building.

    These are a few of my observations as of now more details would help me provide you better info

    Short answer to your question no bad idea to discuss the situation that sounds like one way ticket to friend zone if you aren't there already.
    Learn to be a better person not a better player.

  3. #3
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    Thanks for the advice,

    However, if I did not kino how on earth I would know that she was now happy with that?! I do kino, even tough I know from the very first date she tried to avoid any physical contact.

    Every time she walks next to me I put my hand around her waist for a few seconds, and every time she sits next to me I play with her hair and ears, and I have kissed her face, hand, and forehead multiple times.

    I don't think this leaves any space for her to think I am just a friend!

    I tease her a lot, and sometimes I shower her my "serious" face! Like last night I offered her a pickup and she said that she could come down to the city with a Ferry, and I replied "Nah, I would come after you at 8pm"!

    This girl who is my issue now is French, and searching on the Internet I found out that they are very different. So I decided to give her some more time, but since I am not going to chase her forever I decided to have a chat with her after another couple of dates.

    I just want to make sure talking directly about that is not too bad.

  4. #4
    hometownextra's Avatar
    hometownextra is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    It is hard to say either way, stay with me on this, those are things that came to mind from the information and interpretation of the writing above. Not trying to be insulting just spitballing ideas based on what I read.

    The simple fact of the matter comes to one of two things either personal issues with contact, or something in your nonverbal communication is betraying you.

    I lean toward the second option because usually if someone is really attracted to you the first part is relatively overlooked by the heat of the moment.

    Be mindful of those non verbals they make worlds of difference, if you look at most my advice on this forum I harp on this stuff the most.
    Learn to be a better person not a better player.

  5. #5
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    Thanks so much hometownextra ,

    I did not get annoyed at all. I appreciate it that you guys help me.

    I think you are right about my non-verbal communication issues. This happens when I really like a girl, and I get cautious because I don't want to stuff her up and lose her. If I game an average girl I game them very well because I don't care if I lose them. In the past two weeks I picked up two (separate) chicks, took them to an instant date, then took them home and f-closed them! But when it comes to this girl who is very attractive to me, I turn into a pussy! I am sure you know that women smell a pussy man from miles away!

    I think I will give her another 2-3 dates, and then I will talk to her seriously. If I am making an effort, she has to make an effort too. If that makes sense?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    No problem, if you have any topics that you are looking for more direction from let me know I may be able to help or provide a link to the information you are looking for.
    Learn to be a better person not a better player.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    Ten dates is a pretty extreme amount of dates for nothing to happen. You have to ask yourself "Why is this the ninth date, and we haven't even kissed?" There are "serial daters" who just go on dates with guys for free food. I went on a date with this girl, and I offered to pay and she said, "no I'll pay for half. If I didn't like you I'd let you pay for it all." So just be aware of those types of girls.

    I would definitely bring up the, "So what is going on with this?" You should definitely be getting at least a kiss by the third date.

  8. #8
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    Thanks guys.
    This girl always pays the half of everything so she is OK. It's just amazing to me that how can we lose power and start making mistakes when we really like a girl and we feel afraid of stuffing it up. If I gamed her like all those other girls that I approach just for taking them to bed the same night, I would be in a way better situation now.

    Anyway, yesterday we went on our fifth "meet up" and still she just let me kiss her chick when we said "hello". I have been mildly kinoing her ever since we went on the first so called date but yesterday I got cranky at myself and decided to give her a good kino!

    So we went for a 7-km walk in which I constantly touched her hair, put my arm around her back and touched her lower-back and bum, no resistance.

    Then we went to a park for a picnic, where she lied on her back on the travel mat. I lied down and started stroking her hair, which she loved and closed her eyes and let me do it. Then she turned over and lied on her tummy, which was a great chance for me to rub her neck, rub her lower back and legs. I finally found my hands in her undie, rubbing her bum (gosh her bum is gold!).

    With all that, a couple of times she said "You are my friend" or "I have a special friend" (me) which was confusing and frustrating. If I am a friend why would she let me touch her that much?!! After that we went to my house for a short time so she could change to go out with her flatmate, where I did some more kino.

    Like axlHunter said, I asked myself "how many more dates I have to invest in to get a kiss?!". So I decide to clear things up and sent her this text:

    "Hey Helene,

    The first time that I came up and talked to you it was because I was attracted to you. I thought it was clear at the beginning that I was not after a friend but today you called me a "friend" which was very disappointing. I don't have any intentions to be just your friend so I hope I can clear things up a bit by this message. I also hope you want a much better relationship with me rather than just being a friend".

    What do you think of this text? Most probably she would come back with a message saying that she just wanted a friend. Do you think in that case I should keep trying to change the situation or just move on (given that she is the girl I have always wanted!?).

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    I hope you didn't REALLY send that text!! Here's one question: Does she have a boyfriend? She could be attracted to you but not let you go further because of this.

    Lets move on. I REALLY hope you didn't send that text. Nothing good will happen from that! Don't EVER discuss anything serious over text. Nothing will drive a girl away faster than that! If you wanted to discuss the no kiss thing with her you should do it in person.

    Your text wasn't that bad but I cringe when anything important is ever discussed over text. It's just not the place to do it.

    Dude! This girl is letting you do WAY more things than she would let a "friend" do. I have never put my hands in one of my girlfriends pants. She is clearly into you but for some reason won't kiss you. Her mentioning being friends was just a normal shit test. It had an effect on you, which isn't a good thing. When a woman is rejecting your advances but is still giving you the green light, like you had, don't take it as a rejection. Keep trying! When you were rubbing her you should have kissed her neck then turned her around and made out with her. Something in your body language is betraying you! Stay confident!

    I wrote a guide on here for LMR. It's for getting into a girls pants but some of the techniques could work for you to k-close this girl...That is, if it's not too late after that text. I'm going to bump it up so you can see it (plus I'm tired of repeating myself over and over with LMR questions).

    Keep up the good work with your cold approaches man! Your doing a great job. Keep everyone updated on how this interaction plays out. Cheers!

  10. #10
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is it good to discuss your situation verbally?

    Thanks DirectIsBest.

    I sent that text to clear the situation because even if she said she just wanted a friend it would be much better than being in the state of limbo!

    By the way, from what I have known about her so far she would reply on my text in a day or so, and she would say she just wanted a friend. However if she does not reply at all, shall I text her after 2-3 days and pretend that I did not send her any messages? Then I arrange more dates and keep escalating? Surely she knows my intentions clearly so if she does not respond I presume she would be an OK?

    What do you think?

    p.s. She does not have a boyfriend.

    p.p.s. She is French and she prefers to communicate through texting because she is cautious about her English. Plus I did not want to postpone discussing my situation with her because she was kind of turned on by my massive kino so it would be the best time to bring it up. That's why I sent her a text.

    p.p.p.s. I am reading your article about LMR. It's awesome. However, she has been resisting since date 1 !


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