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Thread: Any ideas for a first date?

  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Any ideas for a first date?

    Hey guys,

    For those out there that are disappointed with their results, just keep in mind that it's a numbers game and that persistence eventually pays off

    So, I met this chick who seems to have taken an interest in me, and I am now considering taking her on a first date. The thing is that I don't want to screw it up this time.

    First dates have always been a horrible experience for me. I get stressed, there are moments of awkward silence and the girl gets eventually bored with me. I really don't want to repeat that.

    I have been thinking and I believe the bad results were also my fault as I didn't choose the right "format" for my date. We would go to some bars and chat for a couple of hours. I really cannot show my true self under these circumstances and end up looking like a boring no-life person. I have also noticed that I shine the most when doing an activity together with a girl (playing pool or bowling, going to some concert/exhibition, etc.).

    So, I have been thinking about ways to make this first date more entertaining. I could take this girl to a zoo (to be honest, I love animals but I hate zoos as most of the animals look depressed and sad). I could also take her to an exhibition (there's a temporary exhibition about my country and I have heard many people praise it - I also got free tickets for it and I was looking for an opportunity to go with someone). There are also other possible activities, like indoors rock-climbing, going for cycling in a nearby forest, or simply go for a game of pool (this last one is the perfect place to do kino, you go behind her and teacher how to play, haha)

    The girl in question seems quite hot-headed (in a good sense). I noticed that she likes being challenged, she always took the bait when I was teasing her She doesn't seem super sporty though, so I might rule out any physical activities.

    What do you guys think? Any advice would be welcome.
    Thanks in advance, mates! Cheers

  2. #2
    RedSoBad is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Any ideas for a first date?

    I think it doesn't matter what you choose to do for the first date. Just be confident in whatever it is you chose.

    Also, that exhibition about your country sounds like something you want to do, so do it and ask her to come along if you want her company while doing it.

  3. #3
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Any ideas for a first date?

    Take her to the exhibit you want to go to, as it is something you are interested in and she can follow your lead on that one, and hell if she doesn't like it chances are you won't have compatible personalities anyway. One thing I have noticed as a reoccurring theme with women I date: they say they can feel so comfortable around me.

    I have been seeing a much younger girl recently and have grown to care about her. She has a lot of social problems, and I have been teaching her some of my tricks, and the reasons behind stuff. After our first time in bed, she told me she feels so comfortable with me. I told her I was nervous on our date, but I'm not allowed to be nervous, else how was I supposed to make her feel comfortable?

    You see what I'm getting at with subtly leading the interaction? You have to be comfortable, the silence is only awkward because it feels awkward to you, and she will pick up on and mirror that feeling.

    Try this:

    Next time you see the awkward silence creep up on you...let a sly grin come up and act a bit bashful, turn your head *slighty* away and if you do it right she will ask you "What?" wondering what you are thinking.

    Tell her "Nothing..." but continue the smile and "shake it off" a bit like a wet dog...like you are telling yourself "No I shouldn't say it."

    If she doesn't break the silence within a couple seconds just tell her that she is beautiful and it caused you to loose your train of thought for a moment.

    It isn't a perfect move, but you can use it a time or two to re-engage her if there is attraction. You MUST space this out some and use proper body language. NEVER more than once in the same date, it needs to coincide with "pushes" in the same interaction.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  4. #4
    Ra1d is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Any ideas for a first date?

    1) Read This : http://www.puaforums.com/how-flirt/3...versation.html

    Best post if you're going out on a date.

    2)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qsaxJCvahA

    Watch this,a 16 minutes video in which Tyler from RSD talks about a mind-set you should have when talking to a girl.

    3)Realize that both of you need to invest into a conversation,make a small pause to actually let her speak or ask a question back,do not interrupt her in the middle just because you thought of something to say.

    4)Have fun!

  5. #5
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Any ideas for a first date?

    Although we all know your intention is to take her on a date, you should never tell her that it's a date. Just say it's a "meet up" or "catch up". Keep the date as a prize for women who sleep with you. A woman who has not slept with you yet must qualify herself for that.

    Your key to success on a first date is a couple of DHV stories and a whole bunch of push-pull. In general being fun and playful can never go wrong. Tease her and crack yourself laughing afterwards because laughter is contagious and so she will eventually laugh too. A girl who laughs with you can never reject you.

  6. #6
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Any ideas for a first date?

    In addition to the post above, good conversation is more about listening than it is about talking. Your ultimate goal is to get her investing in you by telling you about herself and talking. If a girl really likes you, often times SHE will carry the conversation.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  7. #7
    Express27 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Any ideas for a first date?

    My first dates will always be something I know I will enjoy. What I enjoy depends on the day or my mood or any number of things. If you take a girl somewhere or to do something where you know you are going to have fun, you will naturally have a more successful date than if you try to do something that is forced or high pressure just to follow convention.

  8. #8
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    hometownextra is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Any ideas for a first date?

    First date should be one to two hours max, do not go out for dinner, drink,coffee or ice cream is ok, keep the total under twenty bucks, split the bill unless she qualifies in that instance if she qualifies then pick up the full bill and proceed to set up a second date.

    I always like to keep first dates simple, fun and limit the time to two hours max. Obviously if things are going EXTREMELY well after the two hour mark don't split change venues instead and repeat a first date followed by a mini date or two is very affective. Don't push yourself into second venue if things are slowing down, otherwise, you risk becoming boring just end the first date on positive note and set up a second date and regroup.
    Learn to be a better person not a better player.

  9. #9
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Any ideas for a first date?

    Hey Pep,

    Here is one important tidbit to what HometownXtra said. The less distracting the environment, the more the girl can be focused on you. If you have to rely on a fun active environment, then that is a CRUTCH to your game. That is like trying to swim with floaties on. What happens when you try to swim without em? That is not going to save you and make you look attractive in the long run

    I know you are worried about being "boring" and all that, but that is a matter of your conversation skills and your game. You need to work on that. There are good guides/books out there that teaches you how to speak the language of emotions to girls to generate that whole serendipity effect.

    What I learned many-times over in the past is if there is strong chemistry between you and the girl and you both have a lot in common, then the conversation/interaction will naturally come easy and you don't have to worry. The objective is not to "try hard." Speaking of which, your innergame mindset is you should never have to "try" to impress the girl, it should be the other way around.

    One of my recent dates was a nice tea tasting date. Small table, no chomping on food, no waiters. The girl was sick that day, so I didn't run a strong attraction game or spoke the language of emotion, mostly comfort and establishing deep rapport, but the convo was still charged up and flowed naturally.

    If you worried about being boring, then work on your conversation skills...before closing D1s. Work on being a strong swimmer before you jump into the ocean. Don't rely on floaties!

  10. #10
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Any ideas for a first date?

    I never got the opportunity to thank all of you. I carefully read all your messages and tried to incorporate them to my game

    Just some feedback from my first date:

    We went to a concert in the end and we then went for a coffee. I have some artist friends who make promotional concerts every once in a while and they were organizing one yesterday. The timing was perfect, so I invited her. She liked it and I also believe that the fact that I have artist friends in my social circle was a DHV to her eyes.

    We then switched venues, went to some coffee place and started chatting, chatting and chatting. At some point, we realized that 2 hours had passed! I told her I had to get back to prepare for a bday party (it was a lie, but who cares), so we broke it off.
    I did a mistake though: it was raining on the way back and she made a gesture to share her umbrella, but I didn't see it and took out the umbrella from my pocket instead, and she said "oh". Raaahhhh, I need to be more perceptive next time...

    I met this girl at a meetup, but we didn't have the chance to discuss a lot back then. From the little exchange we had, I could see we somehow clicked. She contacted me 2 days later to invite me to her own birthday party, so I took it as a sign. I could not attend however as I was abroad.

    So, for this first date, I really wanted to learn more about her and was not so much focused on flirting. I threw out one or two compliments and kept kino at a minimum. I wanted to try the cube test on her but the timing was inappropriate and it did not fit the discussion. I guess I will keep it for next time
    I followed the advice of this tread (http://www.puaforums.com/how-flirt/3...versation.html) and it seemed to work. Well, PUA helps me at least on the social skills aspect

    We agreed to meet again but I haven't decided what to do yet. We don't work very far from each other, so we could meet for after-work drinks.

    That's where I stumble to my biggest problem: I usually screw up dates 2 and 3 and girls don't want to see me again usually. My problem is that I am not sure what to discuss anymore, it seems like I exhausted all the possible topics. Maybe it's a bad sign and it means we don't so much in common after all.

    Well, we didn't talk about movies and stuff yet, but that's kinda limited. I will pull out the cube routine for sure, but what then? I am completely clueless about how to escalate things. That's when I realize I still have a long way to go...

    I think I will have to get out of my comfort zone and get more personal. One problem I have noticed in my social interactions in general is that I don't get too close to people, there is no emotional connection. Sure, I am friendly, we laugh, we can discuss about religion or politics, etc. but I rarely talk about personal stuff (relationships, personal problems). So, I only know them superficially in the end. I am also quite secretive about myself and my projects (used to be bullied around in school and uni, so I don't open myself too much).

    This often relegates me to the level of simple acquaintance and not that of a friend. This is mostly due to my upbringing and I feel that everyone needs some personal space and that I should pry too much in their private lives. If they want to talk about it, they will. But my experience has showed that people love to talk about themselves and their anxieties in life. For example, a female friend started telling me it's about time to have babies and she was worried about it. This was out of the blue and I started feeling uncomfortable in the beginning, but went along anyway. It was a fun and interesting discussion in the end.

    So, I will have to overcome this mental obstacle in my head. Contrary to what other dudes do, I don't talk too much about relationships with girls I have been dating (I never expressed how I feel about relationships and I never asked about their views either). I just realized this is a HUGE mistake, but for some reason I cannot open up immediately to people I have just met. I just need more time. For sure, if I had gotten personal, girls would have felt more implicated and there would have been some connection, and kino would have also felt more natural.

    What do you guys think? What do you talk about with gals? How do you build attraction during a date? How can I make the conversation more emotional?


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