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Thread: Best Steps For Quiet Girls? Pt. II

  1. #1
    Splitting The Atom's Avatar
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    Default Best Steps For Quiet Girls? Pt. II

    Hey Forum. I met this gorgeous girl at a birthday party. For a girl so beautiful, she seems shy and quiet. She doesn't like loud parties or clubs (like myself) and spends most of her time drawing. I'm starting to like her. Whoever read my previous question post will know the details of how we got together: http://www.puaforums.com/ask-expert/...iet-girls.html. Got some real good advice from marvilo and others (These guys know what they're talking about) which I decided to follow and asked her out on a pleasant date

    HOWEVER, someone has thrown a spanner in the works! (Ah fark, here we go again!) It was during the middle of this date she comes clean and tells me a "friend" of mine told her he likes her. Despite the fact she doesn't like him THAT way, (he's a complete AFC sadly to say), she feels guilty and says she doesn't want to come between two friends and that she would like to "take a step back and be friends with both of us and not do anything THAT way, maybe in the future, but not right now, because I really do feel guilty."

    Rule Number 1: Never Fight A Friend Over A Woman.

    I know to never fight over a woman, its stupid. But the matter of the fact is that we're not really close at all or "good friends", we hang out because of a mutual friend we have, she never liked him THAT way, and I'm pretty sure he only likes her because she's hot, he only met her 2 weeks ago and has hardly talked to her, unlike myself, who, yes, only met her a couple of weeks ago, but have actually bonded with her and have taken her places. He can easily go find another hot girl to try and hit on, while I actually like spending time with her. Even if she went out with me, it wouldn't really change anything between me and this guy because we're both 22, we're adults for crying out loud.

    When she told me, it caught me off guard. All I could think of was to not be needy. We talked briefly about it, I told her I liked her, but if she really feels that way about it then we shouldn't date and we said our goodbyes.

    Which 2 Options Will I Pick

    2. Freeze her out completely - I can just ignore her totally while going out, meeting with people in her class and having fun in the hopes that she will want to come back.

    2. Continue the friendship while not giving her ANY sexual attention whatsoever and paying more attention to others - Before she told me everything, I asked if she wanted to go paint-balling this Saturday. She said maybe. Now that everything is in the open, would it be better if I just acted cool, like I didn't care she didn't want to be together THAT way, and continue to have fun times with her, showing her how fun I am, while not even kinoing her, paying attention more to others, etc?

    I want to know what you think guys
    "To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." - Oscar Wilde

  2. #2
    Express27 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Best Steps For Quiet Girls? Pt. II

    Just freeze and move on. You have little value or power with her anymore. Likely she just used your friend as an excuse stop things with you. The last thing you want to do now is put a bunch of investment into being her friend.

  3. #3
    Splitting The Atom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Best Steps For Quiet Girls? Pt. II

    Perhaps. Anyone else agree/disagree? All I ask for is your honesty.
    "To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." - Oscar Wilde

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    Ra1d is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Best Steps For Quiet Girls? Pt. II

    Whenever a girl's telling you she's feeling guilty,she's full of shit,everyone only cares about themselves,and as a girl she has many excuses to let your "friend" know that she doesn't want him,like the popular "I have a boyfriend" routine.

    And why does that even matter ?There are people that we like and there are people that we don't,it's simple.

    I feel like this was just a sh1t test and you blew it.From what you told us she's a loner and doesn't go out a lot,as someone who was also like that I would say that she's probably intimidated by the thought of a relationship,because she doesn't like going out and she might feel that she will not be able to spend as much time being in her comfort zone(painting,and whatever else she does at home) if she gets a boyfriend.

    I would say it isn't that bad that you acted like you didn't care,but saying that you shouldn't date was unnecessary,on top of that you even ended the date that very moment ?Again,unnecessary.

    I would still invite her,don't say that you're inviting her as a friend,just invite her to have fun and escalate from there.If she brings it up,just say that : "yeah I'm not your boyfriend,so it's cool we can have fun together".

    That's my take on it,because I remember when I was barely going out,my fear was even if I get the girl,what would I do with her ?I feared that I would have to go on a lot of dates and spend more time with her than I wanted,so I just feel like she's trying to avoid all this drama for the same reason.Don't pressure her into anything and make her feel comfortable.

    I feel like with this kind of girls,you should never ask for a date,but tell her that you're both going out,because she can't stand a choice she's spending most of her time alone,she doesn't want to make a choice,you should do it.

    So just hit her up,send her a funny text,I don't feel creative today so just look through the text forums and find something funny to send her while reminding her about your meet up on Saturday.Do not mention the "maybe",act as if it's already set in stone.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Best Steps For Quiet Girls? Pt. II

    Ooh, Express27 nailed it.

    As Ra1d, said anytime a girl makes an excuse saying stuff like
    - "It's not you, it's me."
    - "I'm not ready for a relationship yet."
    or in your case...
    - "I don't want to come between friends."

    It's a BULLSH1T excuse. It means she was not all that attracted to you. Put yourself in her shoes. If you met a hot chick HB 10 (by your standards) that you were really attracted to, but her less attractive friend (HB 5) likes you, you wouldn't be saying that "Hey I don't want to come between you and your friend."

    I don't know the details on what happened on your D1, so can't comment on what went wrong. But some things are not meant to happen. Although you have some things in common, you could be two different people. You know she is an introvert. Are you an introvert Artsy-fartsy type?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Best Steps For Quiet Girls? Pt. II

    Quote Originally Posted by I.M.Mortal View Post
    Ooh, Express27 nailed it.

    As Ra1d, said anytime a girl makes an excuse saying stuff like
    - "It's not you, it's me."
    - "I'm not ready for a relationship yet."
    or in your case...
    - "I don't want to come between friends."

    It's a BULLSH1T excuse. It means she was not all that attracted to you. Put yourself in her shoes. If you met a hot chick HB 10 (by your standards) that you were really attracted to, but her less attractive friend (HB 5) likes you, you wouldn't be saying that "Hey I don't want to come between you and your friend."

    I don't know the details on what happened on your D1, so can't comment on what went wrong. But some things are not meant to happen. Although you have some things in common, you could be two different people. You know she is an introvert. Are you an introvert Artsy-fartsy type?
    I do enjoy art, yes, and I prefer a quieter girl over a over-talkative one I suppose. I appreciate all the advice. Thanks you guys.
    "To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." - Oscar Wilde

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Best Steps For Quiet Girls? Pt. II

    Quote Originally Posted by Ra1d View Post
    Whenever a girl's telling you she's feeling guilty,she's full of shit,everyone only cares about themselves,and as a girl she has many excuses to let your "friend" know that she doesn't want him,like the popular "I have a boyfriend" routine.

    And why does that even matter ?There are people that we like and there are people that we don't,it's simple.

    I feel like this was just a sh1t test and you blew it.From what you told us she's a loner and doesn't go out a lot,as someone who was also like that I would say that she's probably intimidated by the thought of a relationship,because she doesn't like going out and she might feel that she will not be able to spend as much time being in her comfort zone(painting,and whatever else she does at home) if she gets a boyfriend.

    I would say it isn't that bad that you acted like you didn't care,but saying that you shouldn't date was unnecessary,on top of that you even ended the date that very moment ?Again,unnecessary.

    I would still invite her,don't say that you're inviting her as a friend,just invite her to have fun and escalate from there.If she brings it up,just say that : "yeah I'm not your boyfriend,so it's cool we can have fun together".

    That's my take on it,because I remember when I was barely going out,my fear was even if I get the girl,what would I do with her ?I feared that I would have to go on a lot of dates and spend more time with her than I wanted,so I just feel like she's trying to avoid all this drama for the same reason.Don't pressure her into anything and make her feel comfortable.

    I feel like with this kind of girls,you should never ask for a date,but tell her that you're both going out,because she can't stand a choice she's spending most of her time alone,she doesn't want to make a choice,you should do it.

    So just hit her up,send her a funny text,I don't feel creative today so just look through the text forums and find something funny to send her while reminding her about your meet up on Saturday.Do not mention the "maybe",act as if it's already set in stone.
    Oh, I didn't ask her out on a date exactly, I just said "I'm thinking of going to the movies this Saturday to see *****..." and I waited for her to respond. I never said it was a date, just to hang out. Or is it that the same thing as a date? (I thought dates were formal to a certain degree?)
    "To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." - Oscar Wilde

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Best Steps For Quiet Girls? Pt. II

    Yep what express and I.M. already stated. Move on. She used that as an excuse man. Women are full of them because they don't want to feel uncomfortable.

    Just think how silly that statement sounds. If a girl told me that, I wouldn't be able to hold back my laughter! Women hook up with their ex's friends ALL THE TIME. They hook up with their brothers friends ALL THE TIME. This type of behavior is much more damaging to a friendship then this nonexistent scenario.

    Forget about it. If you see her in person flirt your ass off but don't put a lick of effort into it. If she EVER mentions it again laugh and tell her how silly that is. If she changes her mind you will know because she will start dropping hints of you two hanging out or start texting you allot. However, don't put any effort or thought into it from this point forward.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Best Steps For Quiet Girls? Pt. II

    Quote Originally Posted by DirectIsBest View Post
    Yep what express and I.M. already stated. Move on. She used that as an excuse man. Women are full of them because they don't want to feel uncomfortable.

    Just think how silly that statement sounds. If a girl told me that, I wouldn't be able to hold back my laughter! Women hook up with their ex's friends ALL THE TIME. They hook up with their brothers friends ALL THE TIME. This type of behavior is much more damaging to a friendship then this nonexistent scenario.

    Forget about it. If you see her in person flirt your ass off but don't put a lick of effort into it. If she EVER mentions it again laugh and tell her how silly that is. If she changes her mind you will know because she will start dropping hints of you two hanging out or start texting you allot. However, don't put any effort or thought into it from this point forward.
    I dunno man. I know how this sounds, but its just that she seemed different because she was the first girl I liked who didn't like clubbing, getting drunk a lot and seems sensible and honest.
    "To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." - Oscar Wilde

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Best Steps For Quiet Girls? Pt. II

    Quote Originally Posted by Splitting The Atom View Post
    I dunno man. I know how this sounds, but its just that she seemed different because she was the first girl I liked who didn't like clubbing, getting drunk a lot and seems sensible and honest.
    There's always some women who you like more than others, but I can tell you now, there are PLENTY more like her. I've thought some woman was "different" and "special" numerous times to find out later that she...wasn't. Don't fall into the trap of projecting really positive traits on someone you don't know.

    Two things:

    1. There's ALLOT of REALLY good women out there.

    2. There's ALLOT of REALLY bad women out there.

    She might be honest for a woman but that isn't the same as honesty for a man. If you weren't interested you would say so. If a woman isn't interested she comes up with a number of excuses under the "guise" of letting the guy down easy. Which to the inexperienced male, actually causes more harm than good. What they really don't fully realize or admit is the fact that THEY don't want to be in an uncomfortable situation themselves. Point being you have to read between the lines. It takes balls to be forward, and since women are not confrontational by nature, they tell all kinds of lies all the time. So her excuse was her way of saying "I'm not interested in you in that way".

    It's not that you can't turn that around, but I wouldn't put any effort into it. Aggressively pursuing at this point will most likely end up in failure. Besides that, you will have invested time and mental effort for naught. If you see her often in person just flirt like crazy and be a fun/challenging guy and she might come around.


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