Last night I separated from a girl I've been seeing for a few months (but had known for over a year). I'm a junior at university, and she's a senior graduating in about a week. She's an international student, and after graduation she plans to go back to her country for 2 years, with no visits back to U.S.
Long story short, the subject of our future came up, and she said she didn't see it working out; honestly, I had briefly entertained similar thoughts, but I wanted to try and keep things going - I really liked her. We talked about a lot of things, and in the heat of our discussion I made a few passive-aggressive comments, pretty dumb of me; really, I was a little upset (tried not to let it show), and my attitude changed into devalueing our relationship, and not wanting to see her after we broke up. Things didn't really end on amicable terms unfortunately, in no small part to me losing my calm and collected demeanor.
I've gotten a few takeaways from this dating experience, but I wanted to know what y'all think on how I could've handled the breakup differently, or should learn/take away from the first woman I've seriously dated (based on your own personal experience. Anything I should take note of in particular). This is all in the interest of improving for future relationships - the worst case for me is that I learn nothing from this and am the same person moving forward...Here's what I thought of so far:
1. Have self respect for myself if/when things go sour - don't get defensive or spiteful, and end things on good terms.
2. Escalate quickly - I knew this girl for a year, but only started things just recently; perhaps if I had began things earlier, the a breakup could've been avoided completely.
3. I felt I was too focused on this one girl, and my interactions with other women waned - perhaps I stills should've kept up talking with other girls to stave off any neediness?
What do y'all think? I know I haven't given a ton of details, but are there any experiences in your past that may help avoid something similar happening in the future? Any general advice on handling a breakup would also be appreciated.
Finally, a couple random questions:
1. How should I act/react if I see her around randomly? My initial thought is to acknowledge her presence and be perfectly friendly...though I don't know if I could take it if she simply ignored me in response...
2. We follow each other on twitter, quora, etc...I'm wondering if I should cut these online connections? I feel seeing her photos and posts on these sites will remind me of her and make moving on that much harder...but I don't want it to seem like I'm totally freaking out and burning everything related to her.
One more thing though - I wanted to thank y'all - the PUAForums community. Without your help, guidance, and general advice, I would never have gotten as far as I did with this woman (the farthest I've EVER gotten). Reading the stories and advice here has changed who I am as a person - I started out as an AFC supreme, but over time I've improved into something a little bolder, a little more confident, a little more alpha. There's still room to grow, but I'm extremely grateful for your help and for the wonderful experiences and memories, good and bad, that I've had as a result. My journey to become a PUA has been tough, but I refuse to buckle under the pressure or go back to the way I was for anything.