Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Results 1 to 4 of 4
Like Tree2Likes
  • 2 Post By I.M.Mortal

Thread: How to manage through a breakup? And a thank-you to the community.

  1. #1
    afcsupreme is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 166, Level: 3
    Level completed: 32%, Points required for next Level: 34
    Overall activity: 35.0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    39
    Points
    166
    Level
    3
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    11

    Default How to manage through a breakup? And a thank-you to the community.

    Last night I separated from a girl I've been seeing for a few months (but had known for over a year). I'm a junior at university, and she's a senior graduating in about a week. She's an international student, and after graduation she plans to go back to her country for 2 years, with no visits back to U.S.

    Long story short, the subject of our future came up, and she said she didn't see it working out; honestly, I had briefly entertained similar thoughts, but I wanted to try and keep things going - I really liked her. We talked about a lot of things, and in the heat of our discussion I made a few passive-aggressive comments, pretty dumb of me; really, I was a little upset (tried not to let it show), and my attitude changed into devalueing our relationship, and not wanting to see her after we broke up. Things didn't really end on amicable terms unfortunately, in no small part to me losing my calm and collected demeanor.

    I've gotten a few takeaways from this dating experience, but I wanted to know what y'all think on how I could've handled the breakup differently, or should learn/take away from the first woman I've seriously dated (based on your own personal experience. Anything I should take note of in particular). This is all in the interest of improving for future relationships - the worst case for me is that I learn nothing from this and am the same person moving forward...Here's what I thought of so far:

    1. Have self respect for myself if/when things go sour - don't get defensive or spiteful, and end things on good terms.
    2. Escalate quickly - I knew this girl for a year, but only started things just recently; perhaps if I had began things earlier, the a breakup could've been avoided completely.
    3. I felt I was too focused on this one girl, and my interactions with other women waned - perhaps I stills should've kept up talking with other girls to stave off any neediness?

    What do y'all think? I know I haven't given a ton of details, but are there any experiences in your past that may help avoid something similar happening in the future? Any general advice on handling a breakup would also be appreciated.

    Finally, a couple random questions:

    1. How should I act/react if I see her around randomly? My initial thought is to acknowledge her presence and be perfectly friendly...though I don't know if I could take it if she simply ignored me in response...
    2. We follow each other on twitter, quora, etc...I'm wondering if I should cut these online connections? I feel seeing her photos and posts on these sites will remind me of her and make moving on that much harder...but I don't want it to seem like I'm totally freaking out and burning everything related to her.

    One more thing though - I wanted to thank y'all - the PUAForums community. Without your help, guidance, and general advice, I would never have gotten as far as I did with this woman (the farthest I've EVER gotten). Reading the stories and advice here has changed who I am as a person - I started out as an AFC supreme, but over time I've improved into something a little bolder, a little more confident, a little more alpha. There's still room to grow, but I'm extremely grateful for your help and for the wonderful experiences and memories, good and bad, that I've had as a result. My journey to become a PUA has been tough, but I refuse to buckle under the pressure or go back to the way I was for anything.

  2. #2
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 3,671, Level: 38
    Level completed: 14%, Points required for next Level: 129
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    New York, New York
    Posts
    588
    Points
    3,671
    Level
    38
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 37 Times in 36 Posts
    Rep Power
    181

    Default Re: How to manage through a breakup? And a thank-you to the community.

    Afcsupreme ~ I feel for you brother, Had a similar thing happen to me, I met this Scandinavian girl who was a visiting scientist at my lab. We hit it off from the start and we dated for the six months she was here. It was an incredible six months and she was a blast and so much fun, Unfortunately I broke the first rule of the game and fell in love with her. When she went home we agreed that we would always be friends and talk to each other and we have, but as much as I hate to admit it, her leaving destroyed me and I was a wreck for months. But after a few months of being a mope I started to realize that as hard as it would be I had to move on with my life. It’s still hard sometimes when something reminds me of her but it has gotten better. I am very happy we are good friends and in each others lives and I think we will be friends forever for what we shared together . Now I am going to give you some advice, and this is just my opinion so take it for what it’s worth but DON’T LET IT END BAD …. You will always regret it. You will always think about it. You will always be mad at yourself for it. Sit down and write her a note and tell her you’re sorry how things went but you were just upset that it was over, tell her you want to stay friends and even though it will be long distance you want to be a part of her life. Ending things badly is NEVER good, don’t let that happen …… GOOD LUCK TO YOU, Hope it works out

  3. #3
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 6,582, Level: 56
    Level completed: 16%, Points required for next Level: 168
    Overall activity: 55.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered5000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Cali
    Posts
    450
    Points
    6,582
    Level
    56
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    293

    Default Re: How to manage through a breakup? And a thank-you to the community.

    Here are some important pointers you should keep in mind and reflect on for the future…

    1 Never stop gaming your girlfriend
    Oftentimes, in a relationship, we can get too comfortable and we take it for granted. You should never stop looking attractive to her...Just as you expect her to take care of herself and not get fat and ugly. Ask yourself, if she met you now, would she still be attracted to you? When is her investment in you ever fully locked in? The answer should be ‘never.’

    2 You should always keep a little part of yourself for her to keep trying to win over. Don’t be a wuss to give in, especially in a relationship. There should always be something she needs to do for you or to prove to you in a cute way fun way. By being a challenge, you remain attractive.

    Talking to other women as “batting practice” to keep your game honed is one way. Another way is #3 and it’s very important.

    3. Your mission (in life) should always be #1. Your mission is your current life’s purpose (could be a job, w/e). It is hardwire in a woman’s DNA that an alpha male puts his life’s purpose ahead of her. This is the ultimate challenge that she always wants to fight for BUT she never actually wants to win. I repeat “she never actually wants to win.” The moment she becomes #1 and your mission becomes #2, there will be no sexual polarity in your relationship.

    When your mission is #1, you are always willing to walk away. You respect yourself so much that if certain boundaries are crossed, you maintain your power to be able to walk away from the relationship.

    A lot of guys sacrifice their values and boundaries to be in a relationship, and the woman can’t respect them anymore. If she is the center of your universe, can you walk away? No. When your mission is number 1, you always know it that you can walk away and you have something greater that you can go home to.

    A girl hates it when a guy puts her on a pedestal and makes her the center of his universe, (constantly checking up on her). She wants a man who is on a mission, who is creating a world for himself and then he can bring her into it.

    As for your 2 - Escalate quickly – Maybe, maybe not. During the dating phase, a girl’s investment in you fluctuates even if you play a perfect game. It depends on your compatibility, timing in life, etc. Every girl is also different. Some girls you can sleep with on the first date and in one month you are in a relationship and some girls it could take 6 months or more. Don’t put this one on yourself.

    Dgnsfire gave you a good advice on not letting it end bad. From a PUA’s community standpoint, our motto is “Always leave a woman better than you found her.”

    My advice to you is take the time to work on your own self-development. Your last 2 questions stem from confidence issues. Your cup is not full. You are like a guy with buttons all over that women can push. She is not even around you anymore, yet you are still reactive. Women want a guy who is a rock - that grounding masculine presence when they are going through some kind of emotional storm. If you can’t be this rock and instead have more buttons than the Enterprise CIC, then this will undermine the success of any future relationships. Once you fill your cup, then you will be able to answer your own 2 questions.

    I always believe that there is no such thing as a bad relationship, it’s what you learn from it.

  4. #4
    afcsupreme is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 166, Level: 3
    Level completed: 32%, Points required for next Level: 34
    Overall activity: 35.0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    39
    Points
    166
    Level
    3
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    11

    Default Re: How to manage through a breakup? And a thank-you to the community.

    drgnsfire and I.M.Mortal, I can't thank y'all enough for the advice. Things make a lot more sense to me now, and I have a goal and direction forward with regards to self-improvement.

    As an update if you're interested, we met up together and talked about a lot of things. Before I met her this time, I thought a lot about whether I wanted to remain friends with her or not; I know I wanted to end things on better terms (that was for certain), but I didn't know whether I it would be good for me to just see her around as friends and casually have a conversation, or for her to be messaging me after she graduates - I thought the memories may be a bit too painful.

    During our meeting, I very much almost went through with the 'not being friends (but still amicable), it will make moving on harder' thing - I'm sorry to say that I didn't initially follow y'alls advice, I was just too tunnel visioned I guess. But soon after I pushed for that, it dawned on me that her mentality and attitude toward the situation wasn't one of a messy breakup; she simply wanted to end things with us still knowing each other, and I remembered your words: now, we're on good terms as friends and I feel a lot better.

    Once again, thanks for the help guys.
    - afcsupreme


Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 05-12-2013, 07:26 PM
  2. Disillusion - or just a breakup?
    By Autismus in forum Members Lounge
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 09-06-2012, 05:55 PM
  3. How to manage your time while gaming.
    By ShoreGuy28 in forum General Questions
    Replies: 4
    Last Thread: 08-18-2012, 05:44 PM
  4. MANAGE EXPECTATIONS
    By chulin in forum Common Pick Up Terms
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 12-01-2010, 12:23 AM
  5. How To manage with relations?
    By sorayamufida in forum Help Getting A Girlfriend
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 07-18-2010, 05:08 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com