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Thread: Getting an ex back - I fucked up

  1. #1
    phenix is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Getting an ex back - I fucked up

    First, thanks in advance to those reading this and providing advice.

    I have a particular story, which led me today in a bad situation, and I am unsure what to do, I'll try to make it brief.

    Met a girl 2 years ago during summer, chemistry was instantaneous, we went all the way, probably the best summer of my life. She was in my city only for the summer however, and for the first year following, we were long distance and kept in touch very regularly. The distance began to affect me at some point in the sense that I got interested to meeting new women, which I did, and got intimate with 4 women in a short amount of time. This was a big hit to our relationship as even though we were not official, she was being loyal to me and said I should have been just as loyal.

    We did stop talking for a while, after which we started to hang out again. (At this point, the distance is not an issue anymore.) We got intimate and emotional again, but nothing official. She then left on a trip for the whole next summer, where the only communication I had from her was through emails. I was busy with other things during that summer, and although I was seeing some chick, nothing concrete happened, until the end of the summer where I got a one night stand. This one almost broke our relationship for good (I farked up), but she ended up asking me to be her bf instead so that this does not happen again, and I said yes. This is really what I wanted.

    After a couple of months of pure happiness, the thoughts of me being with other girls started to get to her. She started to realize that she perhaps should not trust me, and ended up thinking that, despite the pure happiness we were having, I was not trustworthy and she did not want to be with me. She would raise trust issues but not make a huge deal about it, and one day, just like that, she said she could not deal with these trust issues, relating to the times I was with other women while she was loyal.

    It has been tough, and I did all the possible mistakes in the last couple of days. I tried to stop her from doing it, I told her how much I was hurt, I sent her emails trying to change her mind, telling her that I've changed ( I did) I was being a solid beta bitch. The only good thing I did is accept that I farked up in the past. Fortunately, reading posts on this website made me realize how beta I was at that time (until yesterday).

    I read all the threads suggesting to move on. Im fully aware that this may be the best route for me, bud I'm wondering what would be the best piece of advice to potentially get her back, since as of when her and I got official after I fucked up, I've been serious about that girl.

    Thanks all, much appreciated.

  2. #2
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting an ex back - I farked up

    How exactly did you mess up? You guys were not officially together, you had not laid out a framework for a relationship with each other. If she didn't want you to sleep with other people, she should have told you she wanted to be together with you, that you were the one she wanted to be with.

    You had the power. She got together with you, then broke up with you to turn the tables by telling you she shouldn't trust you because you were not faithful to her while you were not together...see what I'm getting at?

    This is manipulation and you have bought into her frame and its farking you big time.

    I can't tell you how to remedy this situation, but the fact of the matter is that she is the one with trust issues, not you, and though you should be accepting of her feelings and let her know you are sorry she doesn't feel like she can trust you, that you have done nothing wrong because you two were not exclusive. Just because you were playing the field while you two were seeing each other doesn't mean you cheat in relationships, you were honest with her about seeing other people I take it?

    You need to just ditch that frame that you messed up, it is going to drive you nuts and make you her little puppy if you don't just throw it out right now.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  3. #3
    phenix is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Getting an ex back - I fucked up

    Update, after only 2 days of almost no-contact, she blew up, saying im not there for her, and blocked my phone, she never wants to talk to me again.

  4. #4
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting an ex back - I farked up

    I don't quite see why you would go nc with her unless you were ready to move on from her. Let things play out, let her blow up and get over it.

    Are you really missing out man? She is acting jealous, playing mind games with you and being manipulative and neurotic. Let her play her games with someone else man.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  5. #5
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    DirectIsBest is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting an ex back - I fucked up

    That's a pretty harsh reaction for not talking for two days. Especially after she broke up with you. This girl sounds like she has serious emotional issues. Her reacting like that is a pretty big red flag.

    Don't react to it at all. That's what she expects you to do and you not reacting will drive her crazy.

  6. #6
    phenix is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Getting an ex back - I fucked up

    Thanks both for the advice. there's not much I can do at this point since she blocked all means of communication. I guess I'll wait and see what the future holds..

  7. #7
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting an ex back - I farked up

    Dude, you need to just get over her man, let it go. She is manipulative and just trying to get your crawling back like her little puppy. If you want to be her little puppy that is fine, but don't start whimpering when she smacks you on the nose with a newspaper for pissing on the rug.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  8. #8
    phenix is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Getting an ex back - I fucked up

    Agreed.I plan on doing nothing. I don't think she'll ever talk again based on her reaction and inability to deal with the past but I don't see what else I could do.


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