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  • 1 Post By I.M.Mortal

Thread: Getting with a girl who has a boyfriend

  1. #1
    Hawk136 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Getting with a girl who has a boyfriend

    Hey guys, I'm in a bit of an odd situation that I have no idea how to deal with...
    Basically, I'm a postgrad university student, and last Friday I kiss closed this girl on my course. We were both a bit drunk, and when we left the bar we were in I tried to get her back to mine but she refused saying it would be wrong because she has a boyfriend. I saw her earlier today as a few of us on our course got together to watch the latest Game of Thrones episode. We left together because we live in the same direction and I got chatting to her, but couldn't tell if she was feeling uncomfortable, embarrassed, or shy. But I felt as though the conversation went well, got a few laughs out of her, and so on.

    My problem now is I have no idea whatsoever how to progress things with her. Her boyfriend asked her out while she was away at university, so they've only ever been going out as a long distance couple (for maybe 6 - 8 months) so I really think I've got a chance here. If she were single I'd probably ask her out on a date, but because she's a course mate and I know she has a boyfriend, I don't know if that's the right move to make.
    Anyone have any advice on what to do next? Any help would be much appreciated

    Hawk

  2. #2
    marvilo's Avatar
    marvilo is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting with a girl who has a boyfriend

    When it comes to bf destroyer undercover is the key. You don't need to let your intention be known. Talk to her and build comfort and rapport and don't think nothing of her bf. HER BF DOESN'T EXIST!! Even if she brings him up just do you and say he sounds like a cool guy and continue to built comfort with her so she can begin to feel attracted to you. Honestly it's easier to take a girl from her bf than trying to get with a single girl. Girls in relationship want something been because their bf is probably lame and he's become a routine and they want something new and interesting (that's where you come in)
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  3. #3
    Hawk136 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Getting with a girl who has a boyfriend

    Thanks Marvilo, just what I wanted to hear! I'll continue doing that then

  4. #4
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Getting with a girl who has a boyfriend

    Just keep doing your thing with her, and keep this in your arsenal:

    When she says "We should just be friends, I have a boyfriend and blah blah." Tell her this:

    "We are friends, but I don't believe friends slap labels on each other and stash them away, we are people not inanimate objects."

    Then continue down your course. You definitely want to have a few lines stashed for when she broaches the topic or tries to friendzone you.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  5. #5
    Hawk136 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Getting with a girl who has a boyfriend

    Cheers Blistex, that's a good line and a good point! Just another question for you guys... Normally at this stage of pursuing a single girl I would ask her out on a date. Would you recommend I do the same here? I get the impression she's less inclined to accept because she has a boyfriend and a date is "more real"...

  6. #6
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting with a girl who has a boyfriend

    Ask her out but don't frame it as a date. Also do something fun and non-date ish. Don't take her out to dinner or anything like that. Just invite her to do something with you one on one.

    Your thinking about this boyfriend thing too much. I've been in college for a long time (grad student now) and I've had many opportunities with women who were in LDR's. I let that get in the way even though I was getting MASSIVE IOI's. I even dated one of them AFTER she broke up with her boyfriend and she asked me "why" I didn't get her number and hang out with her sooner.

  7. #7
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting with a girl who has a boyfriend

    Direct nailed it and you pretty much got sound advice from the other posters.

    Echoing Direct, definitely no dinners at first. Coffee is the best. Plus, the less distracting the environment the more she can focus on you. Something like that is the ideal starter "date" whether the girl has a bf or not.

    I got really pro at gaming a girl with bf over the last several months. You can see my report here http://www.puaforums.com/pick-up-fie...make-full.html

    Although I haven't updated that post (and I plan to), fate handed me the most difficult challenge but the girl was worth it.
    - The girl was in a 2 year relationship and lived with the bf
    - I had no social value in the community where she is well-reputed because I am the new guy. She is like a duchess and I was like a squire.
    - She is my dance instructor, so I started from an inferior position kinda like a mother nurturing a newborn, while other seasoned dancers can give her "dance orgasms"
    - She has a super busy schedule, working 1 dayjob, running her own business, and helping her family.

    Since then...
    - I recently found out she broke up with her boyfriend and I didn't even know. (And I still don't know when it happened)
    - D1 was closed and we clicked. We also had 2 minor hangouts outside of her work.
    - D2 is planned and set for this weekend.
    - The best was one night at club where she teaches she invited me to join her for dinner. She refused when I offered to pick up the bill. She threw down cash enough to cover everything and told me to take care of the tip. This was a girl who made the excuse that she was comfortable with dinners because it was crossing the line. This is a complete 180 flip. It happened before D1.

    I can write a comprehensive guide on how I overcame such challenges, but it won't fit in this post.

    The key is treat her as if she were single and game her no differently.

    Create some social proof for yourself aka "Passive value" Let her see you socializing with other people and having a good time especially if you two are part of some kind of community/club. Even if you have no social proof there, it's okay. If you take the initiative and she sees you doing it, it is just as attractive.

    If I was at a salsa club being a wallflower looking like a fish out of the pond and just watching her dance, it would've worked against me. Now, I know the bartender, the club promoter, her partner, and most of the regulars. We can dance once, go our separate ways, and she will always come back to me at the end of the night.

    The rest is up to your "Active value" - or how you make her feel. Run the best game possible within your aptitude and be authentic. Whatever method you use make certain it is congruent to how you are as a person. If things don't work out between you two, at least you were real. Then you can say, you and her weren't compatible.

    Don't ever bring up her boyfriend unless you have a plan to use a BF Destroyer. If she ever talks about her boyfriend, quickly change the subject or don't give your attention to that subject matter. Like Marvilo said, he doesn't exist. You don't speak that language.

    Ultimately, your goal is to make her desire you. And you do so by honing these traits.

    - Be dominant
    - Be challenging
    - Be competent
    - Be mysterious
    - Be genuine
    - Be sexual

    Do it right and you will be replacing her bf in her mind.

  8. #8
    Hawk136 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Getting with a girl who has a boyfriend

    Thanks Direct and Mortal! I see where you guys are coming from and it makes a lot of sense to me.

    Mortal, that's a pretty cool story with the dance instructor! I'll make sure to read that post you sent a link to in your message.


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