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Thread: Is she interested???

  1. #1
    alwal is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Is she interested???

    Right, quick background check...

    Matched a girl on Tinder, very hot, got her number, we texted for a bit and she asked me when I was going to take her out. So we met up, got on well had a kiss goodbye and she text me straight away saying "Hey had great night, don't want to sound to keen but can we do it again soon?" I said yeah.

    We've now met up 3 times in as many weeks and we're seeing each other again this weekend. Sounds good right?

    However, she really doesn't seem interested. I can text her and sometimes she'll message back on Whats app hours later, even though I can see she's been on line between messages! Just seems really disinterested yet she's the one initiating dates, asking if we can go out.

    Other girls I'm messaging text back straight away, some do so instantly, so I know they're keen. But I can't work this one out? I even told her the other night that she was the worst texter ever (made a joke of it) and she started replying instantly. that lasted one night now she's back to her aloof self. The trouble is because we don't communicate with each in between dates it's almost like starting back at square one when we meet up.

    Any ideas what's going on with her?

  2. #2
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is she interested???

    Question: The times that you took her out did you pay for everything? For all you know, she could be an opportunist looking for free meal ticket.

    The whole "when are you taking me out?" sounds a bit off to me.

    I dated a girl once. Pretty cute nerdy type that was the same age of me. We got along well and she was a good conversationalist. She had no money and she would never turn down any guy who asked her out. The first time I met her for dinner, she said she just came from another date. In fact, sometimes she would suggest going out. It was her way of getting a free meal. I found out she was a call girl long ago before she cleaned herself up, but old habits die hard.

    Don't judge her by text, we never know what's going on in a woman's life. Gauge her in person.

    Next time you go out with her, give her a male version Sh1t test. Tell her you will pick up the bill and she gets the tip OR tell her you will get this one and she can get the next one. See if she is keen on going out with you after that.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Is she interested???

    I.M. has a good point. If what he says is not the case however, I would say she is definitely into you.

    I must disagree with the "when are you taking me out" thing though. I've had allot of women say that too me and they were seriously interested. I take that as a big hint. These women were people I had known, and were not women I met online. This could make a difference.

    I wouldn't look into the texting thing too much. If she wants to see you and is suggesting you guys hang out that's the biggest IOI you can get. If you haven't done any more than kiss its time to escalate further. At LEAST make out with the girl!

    If you have been paying tell her next time that you guys are going dutch. I'm seeing a girl right now and when we go out I tell the person working "these will be separate". If she gives me a fuss I tell her "what! I'm not paying for your crap. I'm not your boyfriend". If I do pay for her I make her do something for me. The first time we hung out she wanted me to buy her a drink. I made her dance with me for awhile first (she doesn't like to dance) THEN I bought her a drink, but I made sure she knew she owed me one. Next time we went out she bought me a beer.

    It's gotten to the point now that she knows she has to pay unless I offer. She doesn't even give a fuss anymore. It's expected. If you HAVE been paying tell her your going dutch next time and If she flakes then you know she wasn't that interested.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Is she interested???

    You need to spark more curiosity & build more attraction.
    THAT is the answer in the simplest form.

    A girl who is attracted to you will make an effort to be with you... PERIOD.

    Just "going out" doesn't build attraction.
    And if SHE is initiating everything, then a BAD tradition is being set-up...

    YOU, my friend, need to step up & take the initiative & start leading the interactions, or back off & walk away.

    She DOES sound semi-opportunistic.... But I'm just going on the little shread of info you gave.
    Maybe she's cautious...

    Either way, you need to express confidence & limit your acceptance-seeking patterns.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
    alwal is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Is she interested???

    Cheers lads,

    She's got a well paid professional job and earns more than me, so she's not an opportunist or after a free meal ticket. And she has offered to pick up the bill each time but I've insisted on doing the gentlemanly thing and paying for it. I did actually say that she can get it next time.

    It's been almost 24 hours since I text her, to which she's still not responded. I don't know if I should wait or just send her a text again? I need to get her more interested and maybe create some sexual attraction. There's been no flirty messages or any sexual innuendos, just not sure how to imitate it without coming off like a creep??

    I said in a text that she should come round my house and I'll cook her some Thai food. She responded the next day and never even mentioned my proposition, totally overlooked it and instead started a brand new conversation.

    T-Mal you're right I do need to create a spark, more curiosity & build more attraction. Just going out isn't building up the attraction. And because of this it's making it difficult when I meet up as it's not moving forward at all. So how do I create this all important attraction?

  6. #6
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is she interested???

    Oh very good then. In that case, I'm going to have to say there is solid interest but you can easily lose it if you don't bring much to the table.

    The whole "When are you going to take me out" is probably a regional thing. Here in Los Angeles, the dating game is a jungle out here. Brutal. Girls think of themselves more highly and you doing well if they tell you "We should hang out." However, I can see Texan girls saying that. For your purpose, she is interested at the time she said it.

    I just want to point out that some women are texting fiends and some are very frugal with their texting. It varies. We don't know what's going on in their life or their state of mind. She could be busy. If she is late in responding, but majority of the time replies when you initiate, then I wouldn't worry. That might just be her style. Don't put it all on you.

    Here is one important thing I learned from experience...

    They say seduction starts at "hello" and the first 7 seconds women know if they want to sleep with you or not. If you manage to leave a strong impression during your initial meet and she knows she attracted to you, you don't have to work hard at all in a text game and even break rules and get away with it. I've seen guys who were successful in pulling women get away with all kinds of crap texting, such as major grammar issues that make them look like idiots or with chump texts like "Hey...what you up to?"

    Your real game has to be priority. If it was weak or you didn't bring much to the table, then it doesn't matter how good your text game is. The attraction you create will only be fleeting. If the way you text isn't congruent to you as a person, girl will catch on and see through that.

    Your question "how do I create all this important attraction" is pretty broad, which will have to be answered by you reading a book. Bobby Rio came out with a very effective method called Key Lock Sequence. I advise you to read his ebook "Magnetic Messaging" that breaks down the ingredients of attractive phone use.

    The general formula is very simple.

    1. A opening that will spark her emotions and pull her out of her daily routine.
    2. A hook that makes a connection - this is something you only can say to this girl based on an something you both shared. Forming a connection gives her a reason to think and care about you.
    3. Close and set the date - handle logistics.

    T-Mal has a guide on the forum that shows some examples of fun/flirty texts with a style that is congruent to him.

    Text game is my strongpoint (even though I hate texting). I never had a problem getting a girl to respond most of the time. To give you an idea, here are some of my examples. Depending on my social energy, my texts are congruent to me in person as well.

    "Holding Pattern" text used because I couldn't see her due to me working.

    12:18 ME: Bleh, work is boring...I’d rather be wrestling alligators with you at [name of the salsa club].
    5:33p HER: Oh man! R u still on set now?

    The next day...

    9:07a ME: Yea lame. No salsa for a week. Won’t be back in town til Sunday *sigh* Satisfying hungry cougars is a tough job…I feel so exploited lol. BUT, don’t worry, I’ll catch up and make it up to u with a private on wed the 11th @ 6pm

    9:52a HER: Oh man! I hope the withdrawal symptoms aren’t too bad! Hungry cougars? Since when do screenwriters satisfy that function?

    10:21a ME: See, it’s all your fault. I have to cope with Nicole-tine withdrawals AND deal with hungry cougars...Something only screenwriters with a sexy mind, body, and a good piece of dance DNA can perform (this is an inside joke because I told her I was a stripper)

    10:54a HER: Lol! I’m sorry, but how r cougars and not dancing my fault?!

    12:31p ME: You got me hooked on Nicole-tine by taking my salsa dance virginity. Although my mind was saying ‘no’ my body was saying ‘yes’

    Here, you can tell how invested she got. And this is with me replying with large intervals in between our texts.

    ------------------
    Another "holding pattern text" while the girl's friends took her out for her BDay.

    8:13p – ME: Ohh, [Her name]...*sigh* I’m just sitting at home lamenting that if u were born today, you would’ve been an Aries like me. But I guess I’d just have to settle for Bull...
    11:43p – HER: Hahah...sorry you have to deal with such Bull

    Bull = Taurus (She was born a day late from being same sign as me)

    -------

    Valentine's Day she had to work. So I texted her:

    10:57a – ME: Hey [Her name]! Normally I would tell you “Happy Valentine’s Day,” but since u said u not doing anything special, I’m gonna have to say: if u r not smiling and feeling sexy...then you’re not thinking of me (flirting)
    6:47p – HER: I am covered in dust and my hands are scraped and bleeding from working at the flower shop for the past 2 days. Hope your Valentines Day has been a little more pleasant.
    6:55p – Uh oh, don’t make me come down there and rescue u for a midnite rendezvous 

    ------

    Holding pattern text while she was on the road to Vegas.

    12:39p – ME: Those brown bedroomy eyes, that sweet sexy smile, that body…oooh so hot! Anyways, enough about me Just checkin’ to see if you made it to Vegas ok with that late drive and sore leg. (mindfvcking her + comfort)

    12:42p – HER: Haha u so crazy! Yup I made it!  thanks for checking!

    12:52p – ME: Awesome! Have fun! Don’t rob all the casinos, save some for me. And if any drunk guys try to pick you u up, bust out the boyfriend card and tell ‘em “Sorry, I have 2 boyfriends”

    3:59p – HER: I’m not a gambler, drinker, smoker, but I do love getting dressed up and dancing the night away! So the casino’s money is safe and will remain the casino’s money. Two bfs…u. r. bad.

    This was so effective, it even got her to qualify.

    -----------

    Holding pattern text while she was on a 2 wk trip to Florida

    3:19p – ME: Heeey [Her name]...So! What part of Florida’s nitelife are u tearin’ up on your last Saturday? By the time u read this, I bet u r getting ready, standing in front of a mirror trying to figure out who’s cuter – you or a puppy? Poor puppy never stood a chance…
    4:17 HER: Hahaha..Downtown Orlando with my cousin’s Europa crew. Should be pretty wild 

    This is the language of sparking emotion. Sometimes they are silly, non-sensical but that is how you bring out the little girl in her or as they call it "take her back to the playground" Not all my texts are like this because realistically you can talk like this all the time and there are moments of seriousness. Sometimes they are handling logistics, sometimes comfort, but never fluff talk.

    Aside from that, if you can show us what you've been texting (while XX-ing out personal info) we could give you a critique on where you need to improve or spot any mistakes you made. I'm not just talking about being funny/witty because that varies from person to person, but the text game in general.

  7. #7
    alwal is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Is she interested???

    Well I live in the U.K so it's slightly more than regional ha. I think her initial "when you taking me out?" remark was just her way of being forward as I had been texting her a couple of weeks and never suggested a date.

    Your text conversation you've shown obviously ilustates that you know what you're talking about, I'll try and pick up a few ideas and try it out.

    There has been the odd time where we've had a bit of rapport going on, only because she messaged back straight away and I can build on it and have laugh! But it's hard building on it if she doesn't reply. I'll send you a text conversation that we've had later on as I've got to go to work, if that's ok dude?

    On a separate issue but still relevant....

    I've spent the last 14 years in a relationship so I'm now back to dating again, something I've not done for years. Like I said the few girls I've been on dates with are extremely keen and will constantly text me...except the one I really like i.e. the girl in question!


    I'll have to read through this blog and get some ideas about how to be a PUA. What I'm not good at though is if the girl is super confident (which she is), I find it a little intimidating and get a bit nervous. When this happens I find I either end up talking and waffling on about nothing, or the other extreme where I can't think of anything to say. If I'm not fussed on a girl or she's quite reserved I'm totally relaxed and I'm confident and can hold a good conversation. So basically I need some confidence advice on how to deal with this and get good at face to face conversations with confidant and hot girls.

  8. #8
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is she interested???

    I hear ya. Women who are beautiful and confident are some of the most attractive women out there.

    As for your issue of getting fussed over a girl that is super confident, that is a inner game issue if that is all it took to break your frame. Inner game is a whole new can of worms and the real reason behind 90% of the guys who come here for advice.

    There's so many different approaches on how to improve on this. In your case, a 14 year relationship, damn, you are pretty much a domesticated animal and thrown back out into the wilds. But it is not that hard to get back on the horse.

    For you, it's just a matter of transplanting that confidence, that cool calm collected and comfortable state you are in with a girl you are not fussed over to a girl who is super confident.

    The basic rule is
    - Treat a hot girl no different than you would any other girl. Don't be phased by her beauty. For every hot girl, there is a guy out there who is sick of her. Appreciate her beauty, but don't get flustered over it. Her cover might be nice, but her story could suck.
    - reframe rejections into incompatibility. Rejections often is taken as "we are not good enough." If you were genuine, then it's an incompatibility.
    - Over-confidence is not true confidence, it's actually the opposite. It's overcompensating for a lack of.

    The best way I found to develop confidence is learning to be vulnerable. This is why vulnerability works.
    1. It implies status equality. When you are vulnerable or willing to show your faults, when you are willing to put your desires out there without looking for anything in return, it bridges the inferiority gap, it implies equality.
    2. Rewires anxiety. Vulnerability builds new behavior patterns on top of anxiety. For example, if you are anxious/insecure about your past problems, once you get comfortable with it, the anxiety is handled. Being vulnerable is required if you want it to be fulfilling and successful.
    3. Long term solution – You never have to remember gimmicks, lines, overthink PUA techniques. You become free.
    4. Generates sexual tension by creating uncertainty and generates intimacy when you express your emotions. Sexual tension is the foundation for every effective romantic story.
    5. Attracts compatible women – Chemistry is a mix of sexual tension and emotional and intellectual engagement

    The first step in the vulnerability process is acceptance. Acceptance leads to action. The first thing that needs to happen (and this ties in with all the defense mechanisms) whatever you are insecure about, whatever you see as your flaws, whatever you see you are uncomfortable with, you have to accept that. Once you accept that you can move beyond that. But once you fight that, you’ll just reinforce it. Self-disclosure only leads to a more intimate relationship.

    Just remember, human beings are insecure by nature and we are conditioned to hide it. We assume that we are the only ones that have it. Know that every one is too busy worrying about their own. People with true confidence are those who acknowledge and accepted the source of their insecurities and moved past it.

    Being vulnerable implies a lot of things. When you are basically comfortable putting yourself out there for any sort of rejection whatsoever, what does that actually signify? It signifies confidence, strength, it implies status. It is as confident as you can get.

    So next time you are in front of a girl who is truly confident or a girl who is not...show vulnerability. Develop comfort by asking her deep questions. "What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?" Then say "Wait. This could be deep. I'll go first" When you are the one who is willing to talk about it first, then boom, it implies a very valuable trait, something we’re all looking for. We’re all looking for connection, we’re all looking for someone who is comfortable with our own insecurities and won’t judge us. And when you willing to be vulnerable and express your insecurities, suddenly it makes them comfortable to reveal theirs. You just brought them to your level, hence refer to #1 - status equality.


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