I have been back to gaming after a small break and here I am stumbling again on my biggest problem: creating an emotional connection.
Emotional connection is necessary in order to escalate things. Yet, I am unable to push things further.
Don't get me wrong, I can perfectly hold a conversation, but I cannot spark any attraction from it. There is something missing, even I feel it. The conversation is going nowhere, kino seems inappropriate as it does not match the mood, and they get bored.
What happens is that I usually screw up dates 2 or 3 and girls don't want to see me again. My problem is that I am not sure what to discuss anymore, it seems like I have exhausted all possible topics after the first date. Maybe it's a bad sign and it means we don't so much in common in the end, dunno...
I think I need to get out of my comfort zone and get more personal on my next dates. One problem I have noticed in my social interactions in general is that I don't get too close to people. Sure, I am friendly and fun, we laugh and we can also discuss about religion or politics, etc. but I rarely talk about personal stuff (relationships, personal issues and/or ambitions). So, I only know them superficially in the end. I am also quite secretive about myself and my projects (used to be bullied around in school and uni, so I don't open myself too much).
This often relegates me to the level of simple acquaintance and not that of a friend. This is mostly due to my upbringing and I feel that everyone needs some personal space and that I should pry too much in their private lives. If they want to talk about it, they will. But my experience has showed that people love to talk about themselves and their anxieties in life. For example, a female friend started telling me it's about time to have babies and she was worried about it. This was out of the blue and I started feeling uncomfortable in the beginning, but went along anyway. It was a fun and interesting discussion in the end.
So, I will have to overcome this mental obstacle in my head. Contrary to what other dudes do, I didn't talk too much about relationships with girls I have dated in the past (I never expressed how I feel about relationships and I never asked about their views either). I just realized this is a HUGE mistake, but for some reason I cannot open up immediately to people I have just met. I just need more time. For sure, if I had gotten personal, girls would have felt more implicated and there would have been some connection.
I sometimes see other guys at work and the target girl is all over them after a couple of hours (not necessarily slutty girls). I still can't figure out what they do...
Then again, some friends told me that my dates failed because I was not too much into these girls. According to them, if I really dug them, I would have put more effort. For instance, if I really like a girl, I have this irrepressible urge to kiss her on her cheek or wherever. I didn't have such a feeling with these other girls but they were cute and decent nevertheless, so I went on some dates anyway.
What do you guys think? What do you talk about with gals? How do you build attraction during a date? How can I make the conversation more emotional?