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Thread: 2nd date: do I need to k*close?

  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default 2nd date: do I need to k*close?

    Hey mates,

    I am having a second date tomorrow with this girl and everyone around me is telling me I have to kiss her. I am not sure about my feelings yet, but I sure find her cute and fun. I just don't like this pressure to kiss her on the second date. I kinda feel it's too soon (it's also my style to take it slow, but I never had good results to be honest).

    I met this girl at a meetup, but we didn't have the chance to discuss a lot back then. From the little exchange we had, I could see we somehow clicked. She contacted me 2 days later to invite me to her own birthday party, so I took it as a sign. I could not attend however as I was abroad.

    I have some artist friends who make promotional concerts every once in a while and they were organizing one yesterday. The timing was perfect, so I invited her. She liked it and I also believe that the fact that I have artist friends in my social circle was a dhv to her eyes.

    We then switched venues, went to some coffee place and started chatting, chatting and chatting. At some point, we realized that 2 hours had passed! I told her I had to get back to prepare for a bday party (it was a lie, but who cares), so we broke it off.

    I did a mistake though: it was raining on the way back and she made a gesture to share her umbrella, but I didn't see it and took out the umbrella from my pocket instead, and she said "oh". Raaahhhh, I need to be more perceptive next time...

    So, for this first date, I really wanted to learn more about her and was not so much focused on flirting. I threw out one or two compliments and kept Kino at a minimum. I wanted to try the cube test on her but the timing was inappropriate and it did not fit the discussion. I guess I will keep it for next time
    I followed the advice of this tread (The simple art of Conversation) and it seemed to work. Well, PUA helps me at least on the social skills aspect

    We agreed to meet again and the date is set for tomorrow. We will meet for after-work drinks in some cosy bar. I am trying to prepare a bit mentally as I never think about my dates in advance and end up screwing them. I don't have any DHV stories to tell, so this is a good start. I will also try something I haven't been doing before, I will talk about more personal things, show my vulnerable side. I will follow the advice of this thread:
    http://www.puaforums.com/how-talk-gi...tion-made.html

    My question is whether I absolutely have to kiss her. I really don't how things will evolve and I don't feel ready yet. I am also not a very touchy-feely person and my kino sucks. I still haven't figured out how I can touch a girl being a creep/making her feel awkward (despite having read tons of material about micro-escalation and such).
    I really want to relax and enjoy the moment. I usually am fun to be around, but all girls get bored of me at the 2nd and 3rd date because I do not flirt with them. I then end up in the friend-zone...

    Does anyone have any advice please?
    Thanks mates!

  2. #2
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    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: 2nd date: do I need to k*close?

    You're too worried about building rapport with routines & conversations.

    That's not a bad thing... IF you're just looking to make new FRIENDS.
    However; if you're interested in a girl in a "more than friends" way, you need to gain some self confidence.

    Getting "the kiss" is NOT as big a deal as a lot of guys make it out to be. (Pun definitely intended here")
    You can get almost any girl to make out with you shortly after you first meet her.
    It really just comes down to making her have FUN.

    I've been harping on the whole "Fun Vibe" thing for a while now... but it's true. FUN is the ultimate attraction switch.
    And "kissing" isn't a major commitment.. so MOST girls have zero problem making out with a guy they just met.

    Not as many girls will sleep with a guy the first night, but plenty of them will.

    Don't be nervous about kissing. Don't think kissing a girl is considered "going too far"... (even in the first 30 seconds you meet her.)

    When you're in the zone & giving off the right vibe, you can make out with girls you JUST meet that very second. Your "introduction" can be a kiss.

    I pulled off that stunt quite a few times when I was playing drums in my band. I'd be talking to a girl & her friend would come over to meet me... and I would sometimes put my arms out for a hug, and then pull her in & kiss her right then & there.

    Yeah, it worked because I had "high value" status by being in the band; but my confidence was also bulletproof when I did it.
    (That also led to threesomes on more than one occasion.)

    It's all in the way you present yourself.
    And it just takes a little practice, that's all.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 2nd date: do I need to k*close?

    Thanks for the advice. I can't say we are in the same situation (I am not in a band) but at least you made me realize that I make a big deal out of it.

    But do you think it would be a problem if nothing happened? Do chicks expect a kiss on 2nd date?

    Also, my friends tell me I absolutely HAVE to walk her back home. She lives totally in the opposite direction of where I live (but 10-15 mins from where the date takes place). Wouldn't that be awkward? To be honest, I am also a bit lazy about it... If we kiss at some point, ok. But if not, I don't want to bother... I am not desperate either.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: 2nd date: do I need to k*close?

    Lose the attitude you have about yourself of "being a bother".
    THAT is where the majority of your problem is coming from in this situation.

    Girls never expect things to happen... but trust me, they HOPE for things. Girls WANT to meet a guy who sweeps her off her feet & excites her like no other guy has ever done.

    Quit waiting for the "right opportunity"...
    Instead, MAKE the opportunity.

    Quit being lazy, scared & over-thinking everything.
    Wanting to get the girl is NOT an act of desperation... it's a natural male instinct.

    And actually GETTING the girl, is a result of knowledge AND application of knowledge.


    .


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  5. #5
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 2nd date: do I need to k*close?

    Date done. I acted cocky and funny, made her laugh, walked her back home, but didn't go for the kiss. I just didn't feel like it. She also seems to be the shy type, so better not be too pushy from the start or she will get scared. I will escalate things progressively.

    Also, what the f*** is wrong with all those bars? I can't find one where we can sit next to each other. It's always the same configuration: we sit opposite from each other and have the table in between. It is impossible to do kino that way. I had spotted some dirt in her hair and it was the perfect occasion...

    And I am running out of ideas for the next date now... I have to make it fun because it's boring to only meet for drinks...

  6. #6
    Carter21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: 2nd date: do I need to k*close?

    Quote Originally Posted by pepito View Post
    Date done. I acted cocky and funny, made her laugh, walked her back home, but didn't go for the kiss. I just didn't feel like it. She also seems to be the shy type, so better not be too pushy from the start or she will get scared. I will escalate things progressively.

    Also, what the f*** is wrong with all those bars? I can't find one where we can sit next to each other. It's always the same configuration: we sit opposite from each other and have the table in between. It is impossible to do kino that way. I had spotted some dirt in her hair and it was the perfect occasion...

    And I am running out of ideas for the next date now... I have to make it fun because it's boring to only meet for drinks...
    A lot of guys here don't like dinner dates for this exact reason: kino is difficult.

    I haven't done this myself (yet), but the idea of taking her out to a roller blading or ice skating rink makes a lot of sense. Its a fun activity, and has massive kino opportunities as you help her learn to maintain her balance, push her off balance for fun, and if you can orchestrate a little "accident" where you two slip and fall on top of each other, then all the better.

    The zoo is another good place, which I've done before. Its fun, interesting, you're out in the sun (mood enhancer), there's hand holding opportunities, and most guys have not taken her there.

    Swimming is another fun thing to do together. Pools and water parks are both great. It also helps that you're shirtless and she's (hopefully, lol) in a bikini. Going off of this, my local pool also has a tennis court next to it, which is another enjoyable activity and guarantees laughing as you laud over each other badly miss hitting the ball.

    If you're not adverse to spending some dough, then an amusement park is also great.

    Shopping dates at outlet malls are also cool. Again, its outside, which is always beneficial. But you can also do an indoor mall.

    There's nothing wrong with a simple hang out and walk-around at a lake, park, or other place of nature, either.

    Google upcoming festivals in your area, as well.

    Thats a few I came up off the top of my head. Some of these should appeal to you.

  7. #7
    theeights is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 2nd date: do I need to k*close?

    In my experience dating is like riding a bike. Is it easier to do if you go realllllly slooooowly? Or easier if you go medium - fast?

    Exactly

    I used to be the same way, I would take things super slow because I was shy, unconfident, and worried I wouldn't be good enough in bed. Or worry that if the first kiss wasn't magical like in the disney movies, she wouldn't like me. Or worry about rejection. But I would convince myself I was taking it slow because I was chivalrous, because I didn't want to objectify her or be an asshole or that I wasn't sure if she was 'the one'. They see right through it even if you don't (yet?).

    Just as an example of pace, there is nothing wrong with doing this:
    Pick up at a club -
    1st meet: Establish your personality as something fun attractive to her and make out with her in the first minute. Joke and flirt and (only if you can't get her home that night) make a date and trade numbers within the next hour or so.
    2nd meet: Your house. Have a cook off. Then have sex. With proper aftercare she'll be so happy she brags to her friends about it

    or

    Pick up from online -
    1st meet: coffee shop, establish your personality as something fun and attractive to her, kiss her, get to know her and build comfort. All within an hour or so.
    2nd meet: Your house. Have a cook off. Then have sex. With proper aftercare she'll be so happy she brags to her friends about it

    I've never gone to a meet up but hopefully you see the pattern and can see how it applies anywhere. Not that I'm fanatical about cook offs, it's just an example.

    Basically T-Mal rocks. Attraction is largely about being fun and your attitude is holding you back.

  8. #8
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 2nd date: do I need to k*close?

    Hello
    Sorry mate I am not trying to be annoying but I am thinking that how come you are so sure that you went on dates? From what you have written I can tell that you have not cleared/showed your intentions to her. You met in a meetup which where people find friends. And you went out with her with no kissing or kinoing. Again you went out with her without kissing or kinoing. If I was that girl I would think you were after a friend only! Who knows maybe if you tried to kiss her she would get scared off by it!

    You must be lucky not to have landed in her friend zone by now. I would say you have to make your mind first and decide if you want to date her. If the answer is positive, you have to start escalating and make some tension so that you can turn things from being "friendly" to be "sexy". You have to tell her that she is beautiful and so you have to meet up again blah blah. Then you have to touch her in small amounts right from the beginning until you escalate to a level that you kiss her with no problem.

  9. #9
    Kyl3's Avatar
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    Default Re: 2nd date: do I need to k*close?

    The friend zone doesn't exist. I freaking hate that entire idea & whenever somebody mentions being stuck in the "friend-zone" a piece of me dies.

    Just because you don't escalate fast like in a club doesn't mean anything. Relationships & dating situations, whether exclusive or not, are extremely dynamic and always changing. There is no "formula" just a better way to do things to get the results you want.

    If you decide to wait until the fifth date, who cares. That's just you being lame. As for a next date, instead of trying to do something fun, invite her for a walk in the park or something casual like ice cream. Just you 2 being together should be fun in itself, if it's not, then there isn't any chemistry & you're wasting time anyways.

    I do believe you do need to make your intentions known by being direct, honest, & straight up. If she's not feeling it, then that's an incompatibility & you move on knowing you were completely honest & yourself instead of playing games.

  10. #10
    aussiearef is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 2nd date: do I need to k*close?

    Kyl3 Friend Zone does exist. It might not be in the shape and form that you think but it does exist because millions of men have got trapped in it.

    By the way, I agree on that the OP has to be honest but for being direct (which is something different) he cannot jump the gun. When dealing with a woman who does not know us much we sometimes have to giver her time so that she can get to know us a bit and so she can make a decision. Attraction, comfort and trust need to be built too. If the OP directly told the girl that he liked her she would most probably say 'No' simply because she did not know what to say! The OP has to show his intent by touching and flirting and then escalating to a level that words become unnecessary. If he keeps going out with that girl without doing anything romantic he will be seen as a friend. If he out of nowhere says to the girl that he is interested he will might be blown out. as simple as this.


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