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  • 1 Post By artandale
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Thread: Why do i feel upset that the girl I'm dating has more experience than me?

  1. #1
    afcsupreme is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Why do i feel upset that the girl I'm dating has more experience than me?

    After learning a good deal about game and picking up some social skills, I managed to land a girlfriend. I'm 21, and she's 22.

    However, she's had experience with guys before, and I haven't really dated a girl before (I've been close to a few girls, but didn't really take the next step). For some reason, even though I don't really care who the guys she's been intimate with are, or how far she's gone with them, it kind of irks me that she's had prior experience, and I haven't (my first kiss was with her, in fact).

    Based on everything I've learned about PUA, this kind of stuff shouldn't bother me, but it does. I definitely think I can get over it (it might take some time), but I'm wondering why I feel this way - why am I getting upset because she's kissed/done other stuff with another guy before? Any tips on how I can get over this better/faster/adopt a different mindset?

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Why do i feel upset that the girl I'm dating has more experience than m

    1 word for ya... Pride.

    the best advice i can give you is don't live in HER past. you're in HER present. you can't control her. you can't change her. you can be with her.

  3. #3
    Carter21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Why do i feel upset that the girl I'm dating has more experience than m

    Tyler RSD made a video about this exact emotion. He had three points. 1. Don't feel upset about her having been with other guys, because when she's with you, she is completely zoned in on yourself and is 100% in the moment. She's not remembering other guys while in your presence. Contrary to what we might think, girls are not constantly "comparing" us to their exes, be it in regards to sex or anything else. HBs are less self-conscious than guys and are only focusing on you in the present moment, not the past.

    His second point was that girls appreciate you being comfortable and non-judgmental about their previous experiences. One example he had was a girl telling a story about having sex with some random guy in a bathroom (or something like that). If you're dating this girl, that story might make you feel uncomfortable. But, Tyler says that you should actually laugh at it and tell her that thats freaking awesome. By not being uncomfortable with her previous experiences and being non-judgmental, she becomes more inclined to open up to you.

    His third point doesn't apply so much to you because you're new, but its worth a mention. Tyler argues that you should have the mindset of "oh, you've been with other guys? Wait til you've been with ME! (in the context of sex)". Its hard to adopt this mindset since you're inexperienced, but researching how to give good oral sex, positions that stimulate the clit, and other sex tips will go a long way in increasing your confidence in this regard, which should help you to not being uncomfortable about her being with other guys. After all, if you KNEW you were better than them, there would be no discomfort.

  4. #4
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    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Why do i feel upset that the girl I'm dating has more experience than m

    You have to gain experience yourself.
    And you have to understand that EVERYONE has a past, and you can't be upset about things that happened before you met her.

    Even if it still bothers you a little, you can NOT get jealous about the past... NOR can you bring those things up & use them as negatives.

    A lot of guys make the mistake of doing that & it ALWAYS comes back to bite them in the ass.
    A girl will run if the guy doesn't know how to accept & deal with that kind of situation.

    There's nothing that can be done to change the past, so don't make an issue out of it.

    Again, you just need to gain more experience in learning how to let the past go. It's all about NOW & the FUTURE.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.


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