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Thread: Inner Game - What if it WAS you that made the mistake?

  1. #1
    afcsupreme is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Inner Game - What if it WAS you that made the mistake?

    I know it's important to have the mindset of "I'll approach this girl and do my thing; if she rejects me, whatever it's her loss. On to the next one."

    However, what if you're rejected not because of incompatibility with her (or her being rude or not in the mood), but because of something dumb that you YOURSELF said/how you acted, a mistake in your text game, etc. This can even be extended to relationships; what if you yourself made the mistake that made things fall apart?

    In general, how do you get past the feeling of "damn, I farked this one up, it's on me," and "yea, I didn't make the correct decisions/came off needy, I know it could've gone better if I just done this thing differently."

    Personally, I have no problem brushing off rejection if I feel I had performed to the best of my ability, but it's when I know that my own mistakes and under-performance are the cause of failure that I can't seem to get over. I am stuck in the past, reliving my mistakes.

    Any tips overcoming this barrier (changes to my mindset/inner game improvements)?

  2. #2
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Inner Game - What if it WAS you that made the mistake?

    Make no apologies for who you are when you're putting yourself out there. Take full responsibility. Rejection sucks but thats only a small feeling compared jumping over your AA.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    afcsupreme is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Inner Game - What if it WAS you that made the mistake?

    Thanks for the reply. Taking full responsibility for who I am makes sense; but I guess the problem is that I feel sometimes what I say and do isn't representative of who I am. I really feel I know better than to say certain things, or revert into a wuss-bag spontaneously.

    It's the regret that I could've done better if I had put the mindset and inner game things I already learned about into action that is a problem.

    However, I don't only have this problem with approach, I've been out on dates, and in relationships as well. For the ones that didn't go well that I myself farked up (whether by acting weird, or reverting to my AFC habits and being clingy/needy), I still beat myself up about these failures that could've been avoided.

    How do I get past this mentality? I suppose it's a similar issue to moving on from an ex-girlfriend. If the date/relationship went bad due to powers outside of my control, then so be it - but if I could've done something better, it's difficult to move on. How should I deal with this regret? Should I not be thinking of it as regret at all?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Inner Game - What if it WAS you that made the mistake?

    the thing about who we are or more specifically who you are--you just are when you're presently there with whom ever is around you. you're taking things in at your pace, you're letting it sit with you and then you exert your thoughts and feelings in regards to conversations and actions. it snot something that is mean to be super complex. everything that you have accumulated through out your life is already you. if you're trying to improve yourself its a matter of trying to be more actively present in that moment. the best way to do that is to get out of your head and get into the situation at hand. like when you're talking to a girl, stop thinking about what to say next or where to go. be there in the conversation by calming your body language, your tone and your intent similar to how you would conduct yourself with your friends. to give you an example look up James Marshall & Liam McRae from (The Natural Lifestyles). they've got some good insights on how to just shut your brain up from over analyzing things and just calming down so you can be yourself when you're with a woman.

    in my honest opinion how to get beyond this mindset is to let your emotions guide you. and when you get into a state of mind that isn't projecting who you are--remember that you can switch into logic mode and your feelings are really just the sensational rush of what it means to be alive. its not going to kill you when you do something like Approach & Open.

    you say you dont have AA, but you screw up. where do you screw up? i'm just going to continue to take a stab in the direction of the 2 paragraphs above... you're probably screwing up because you're doubting yourself with what you want. with women if you read their signs properly and put yourself out there leading the situation for like say a Kiss then concentrate on giving her a kiss--don't exert extra energy anywhere else and be present by locking your gaze to hers (remember her left eye--the one you see on your right is her intimate eye) and move into her personal space at the speed of a pushup and smile with a slight tilt of your head to land a kiss. she'll push or react uncomfortably if she doesn't want it. and if she doesn't want it--its ok. but remember you put yourself out there for being yourself and saying you wanted that kiss. its important because you don't apologize for what you want, you own your success and failures. but in the end everything is a lesson learned and failing is half of the fun because it makes you feel alive. how often do you have those feelings of taking that risk--knowing exactly what they mean? believe in yourself and put value into yourself even if its over small mistakes.

    you're doing just fine man. just get out of your head.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Inner Game - What if it WAS you that made the mistake?

    Obviously, we want to be unaffected if a girl doesn't want us. But if its legitimately because of a screw up you made, there is nothing wrong with admitting that you made a mistake. While we constantly preach confidence in yourself, this does not mean that you should never admit that you were wrong. If you mess up and a girl leaves you, saying "whatever, she wasn't that hot anyway" is the afc response. But thinking "Yeah, I messed up that one. I'll learn from this mistake." is the Alpha response.

    It sucks when we screw up, but you need to have the mindset that there are no failures, only references. If you make a mistake, thats one thing you learned not to do in the future. As an example, I used to be very sarcastic when texting. I would rarely use smiley faces or emojis, because I felt they detracted from the dry humor. One time, I send a joking text to a girl, but because i didn't make it obvious enough that it was a joke, she took it seriously, and due to the nature of what I sent, she became VERY upset. Now, if I had had the mindset of "I am awesome, I can do no wrong", I would have just left the girl on the basis of her being too stupid to understand my humor. But instead, I took a step back and evaluated the situation objectively. I concluded that no, it was not smart of me to send a provocative joke without doing enough to emphasize its light-heartedness. As a result, I started to increase my use of smileys and tongue-faces, and have not had a girl misunderstand me since.

    Each time you fail, you learn something that doesn't work. So even though we want to always be successful, messing up allows us to improve our game in the long term. Thats the mindset you need to have.

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    Default Re: Inner Game - What if it WAS you that made the mistake?

    Thank these guys above me, they've given you some great insight.

    I'm going to put this quickly, it's your self-esteem. It's low and it changes your perception. Your nervous because you don't feel worthy, you beat yourself up because you don't believe your actual-self aligns with your ideal-self, and you can't get over the mistakes you've made because you believe they define you.

    I once bantered with an older lady at a bar for nearly an hour, got to know her pretty well. When I got back from going to the bathroom I saw her talking to a group of people at the end of the bar. I walked up with a sh1t grin and said "Don't listen to anything she says, she's just stupid."

    I couldn't believe what came out of mouth, and I apologized for it, but through laughter. My jaw hurt from laughing at what just came out of my mouth, and believe me I still feel retarded for saying it but every time I tell my family or friends about it, they find it hysterical.

    Point is, when your self-esteem increases so will your view on making a mistake. It's only as bad as you make it. So google the sh1t out of some self-esteem building techniques and get to work!


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