Re: Help! Asking this girl to be my girlfriend?
you might want to clarify that a bit more... because what i took away was...
so she just wants to be friends with her ex? or does she just want to be friends with you? if it's a yes to either of those questions, it sounds like she's ignoring your feelings and looking to just put you in a painful position and sweep it under the rug with a bow. i hate to be brutally honest but in my opinion that's pretty rude and unloyal. i don't think you should think this way--but at a glance looking at how i evaluate things--thats my first initial thought--not reaction.
i'm happy for you that you stood your ground after chasing her and even facetiming her. for her to pick up her text and tell you about it to me sounds like she's trying to be honest but isn't generating the right scenarios to really earn your trust by continuing to let her ex impede into the patching of whats left of your relationship with her.
i think you should be more forward with her if you're still looking to patch things with her. if you don't want her to be responding to his text--tell her. if she wants the best of both worlds to me that means she's not really acknowledging how much pain shes putting you through. she's only looking for her own comfort in this situation looking to get the best of both worlds where the men in her life are there to please her. its a hard call but personally i'd suggest you evaluate how much you can tolerate with this kind of respect or lack there of because of how much more shes continuingly putting you through.
i think its also important to acknowledge to her about what she said "You are really good to me and i want you to trust me. i would be upset if i was in your place. i'm sorry". i think this part of her text is her vulnerability--and that's something you don't want to ignore. with that said i think it's important to explain your position a bit after acknowledging it. this sounds confusing, i know but let me explain... explain why you were good to her, why you had trust. be thorough with your response--don't sugar coat it, even point out examples of why to help explain your position. reiterate that the past can't be undone but whats happening now in the present in the way she's kept in contact with her ex is not acceptable to you, your feelings and where you want to be in your life. after you've listed all of these thoughts and experiences--i believe you should end your response with a question that forces her to give you an answer, example "...I don't want to tell you what to do. You are your own person. But I need to know... Are you going to put me in this position again where I have to question our relationship?"
now to explain why i'm suggesting you to do the above is because you're setting up a qualification scenario. you've now not only set a bar for where you were and where you are now with your experience and feelings but now she's got something to measure things by. people need forms of measurement to know how to work their way back up to the top of the ladder--IF you want them to succeed. if you look at the specifics of what i've listed in the thumb of example of experiences of trust, respect and what is acceptable in preloading this idea of qualification that she's now having to work her way out of. typically qualification is used in early traditional forms of attraction but i think you can still use this to your advantage to see if shes really worth getting back together with. now the question at the end i think is important to bring up too--because it also shows one example of what you're looking for in regards to your sanity. you're probably in a position in which you can never know if she can be trusted with a guy she's flirting with, a really good guy friend who gives off light kino, and an ex shes talking to. also the way that this qualification should work is that you're not telling her what to do. you're not telling her to not talk to people. you want her to answer honestly and see if shes going to work up the ladder. its not about control--so try not to tell her what you want her to do. tell her what you want is to never have to question the relationship--if you have to--then you have to walk away.
i think you can still use all of the basic principles of the PUA world to help you through this because now--shes chasing you. the bigger difference now is that you're both hurting and shes got to jump through hoops to earn your trust. with that said i honestly believe the preloading & qualification will help the two of you have a basis of where to go from here--and she's expected to be trustworthy, and respectful and act in an acceptable behavior. anything she does from now on where you have to question the relationship i believe you have every reason to walk away without needing to explain yourself because of the damage that has been done and how recent it is.
best of luck
Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.