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  1. #1
    Dash19 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Question There is this girl who is confusing me, I don't know what to do :(

    Hello!

    This is my first post on PUA, and i really need help (Like the 1000 other guys here). This is around 4 months compressed to a single post but i really need the help... :'(

    So there was this girl I met during in a group once (about 4 months ago), and sometimes she said stuff like "I think thats cool you have that opinion", and laughed at some of the things I joked about. At that time, I could conclude that she was interested in me.

    So after some time, she started liking some of my pictures, and by all of sudden, I received a "crush game invitation" on facebook. I texted her, and teased her by taking a screenshot off it and asked if that was for me, in a playfully manner. We started talking a bit on an off over facebook, but It was always me who texted first, i was actually texting her once a day, by the evening, asking how she was. It ended with that i planted an idea, that we should watch Harry Potter some time in the near future. The end of that week i sent a snap of myself going out drinking, where she replied "take care of yourself" followed by a heart. At that time I was sure she was in to me.

    So we texted on an off, not much, once everyday, but not something that would burn our brain, no way near there.. A week after that I got in a little "fight" with some of her friends, I was totally calm, it was just in the snow but it ended a bit weird since my jacket was destroyed. Her friends couldn't handle it, but I was completely calm. She then wrote to me later that day and said she was "sorry over what have happened, and it didn't change the way she looked at me." Aight then. Weeks went, and I kept asking her out (Café or watching a movie) and she was always like, "Sounds nice, I will see if I can" and she would never hit me back, until i wrote to her and she would be like: "Im with my friend atm." etc.. Started to get annoying, and I felt like I was on her hook. So I started to ignore her a bit, didnt write to her for a week. She then sends a snap while she's out, walking in the dark. with the text saying something like, "Hate to walk alone in the dark". So i texted her back, and we agreed to meet. We sat there in the dark and talked for over an hour! She was leaning up against me at one point. So when she was about to go home we hugged, but after the hug she was standing really close to me, asking me if I shouldn't be going. I told her "wait, i need to do something first", so i went in for the kiss, navigating her chin with my hand. I noticed her eyes closed, but I dind't feel her lips kiss me back. I had a feeling, that she would text me, telling me that she only sees me as a friend bla bla bla. So I texted her an hour after, told her that it was nice to see her, and she agreed, So basicly she didnt take distance after our little meeting, we kept texting after that. Still me who always texted, so I took some 1-day pauses so I wouldn't seem needy (Too late?).

    So the cycle continued, where I asked her if she a couple of time if she wanted to go out, or even just meet eachother when she was on her way home, but it was always the same answer I received.. "I'll find out if I can" and she would rearely respond me, regarding if she had found out wether or not she could see me. I then met her again, 2 weeks after. When she saw me, she smiled, i then took her hand and we went for a little walk. This was not the first time we held hands, but everytime we walked it feeled like she was afraid of someone should see us, she even took her hand back, when one of her neighbours was walking 50meters behind us. When we almost reached her house, she told me that I didn't have to follow her all the way to the door. Felt rejected a bit there. Actually.. I felt rejected the whole time, when she was all like "I'll find out" and wouldnt reply back. But She gave me a hug, and she held my hand while turning around to walk home, but I pulled her back to me, and She smiled, but turned her cheek to me. So I kissed her cheek and went home. At that time I have had enough! Now I was 100% sure that I was on the hook. So later that day i texted her, told her that shes sweet but I couldn't read her, I didn't understand what she wanted. She immediately saw the message but didn't answer, until the next day where I poked to her, and she replied and said that she didn't knew what to answer and that we should sit down together and talk about it. But as all the times we talked about seeing eachother, she didn't have time.
    So I stopped texting to her.

    Around a week and a half after that text, I saw her in the bus on the way to see a football match (which she also was going to see). I was sitting in the back talking with to of my female friends, and she was with her female friend. When we was about to get off the bus, we cought eachothers eyes, and I sent her wink with my eye, and she smiled. During the match she snapped me, asking me where I was but I saw it at the end of the match, so it dind't really matter. When I arrived home, she snapped me asking me if I was home and that I would want to meet up, and I didn't even manage to answer until she texted me the same thing. I thought for myself that she couldn't handle to see me with other girls. Well she looked a bit desperate to me, so I told her sure, but in 30 mins since i was hanging out with some friends. She then told me that she had to ask her mother if she could come out by then (That is the weirdes thing i've ever heard), but that was no problem. So we cought up and I told her wassup and she was like, nothing. So i tried to bring up the talk we agreed to discuss about our relation to eachother, and she was acted shy, looking in the ground and said "nooo.. can't we take it tomorrow, i have more time". So i said sure, and yet we stood near her house, talking for almost an hour! When I was about to go home, she hugged me really tight, and told me it was really nice to see me again, and i told her like wise. 30 mins after, she snapped me, asking me what I was doing, so we snapped constantly, and she kept sending snaps where she was smiling and attached a heart. I was sure that she was into me at that time. But as I feared, I ended in that evil paradox once again (maybe?)..

    Some days after, I visited a friend of mine at his school, the same school she goes to. She then sees me and calls my name really loud. I turn around and told her to wait 2 minutes until I was done talking. She looked in the air and make a "duuh" sound, like she was unsatisfied. So after a couple of minutes i went over to her (yea she was still waiting for me with her friend). When I got over to her, her friend left us and we were just talking alone during the whole recess. A lot of her friends were watching us and smiling, and I believe i heard one in the background say that "they are together now", which I found a bit weird when she have given me all these mixed signals, and that we haven't really done anything yet.
    When the recess is over she tells me that we need to see Harry Potter together, soon. So later that day i ask her if we should find something out, but again, she don't have a single day free, and those days she doesn't have anything in the scheduel, well.. instead of saving them for me, she plans something new with her friends.

    (We are reaching the end guys)

    A friend of mine told me I should just start acting cold and start tease her, so I started joking about her weight (shes in really good form, and Instagram knows it, lol), and she couldn't take it but i kept going for the day. She became pissed, yes, but she was starting to ask me where I was going (she had done that before tho). She agreed to meet up later that day when she was on her way home from training, and she told me how mad she was over me, and that she didn't like that I suddenly change my personality. I didn't apoligy until after the 15th time i asked her if she don't have any sense of humor. At that time i had enough. So I confronted her about the subject we agreed to talk about over a month ago. I told her how I feel, that I have never spent so much time on a girl i didn't know where it will lead to.
    Her reply was, that she really think i am sweet and she likes me, but shes been hurt so many times before, and she have a lot of personal problems. (She didn't during that convo, or during the whole time i've known her, mentioned me as a friend or something like that). She then said that she didn't have a problem with having a boyfriend when she goes to her new school which is a bit far away from where we live. but it depends how mature he is, she says. She also told me she doesn't know what she want. It ends with, that she says she wants to go home now, and I tell her, that I won't be the guy that follows her home all the time, where she then yells at me and tells me she don't want me to follow her home (wtf).. I go home, write a long text, explaining her how loyal i am, and that she won't have to doubt me, never. As usual, she didn't reply to that message aswell, so I text her the day after, saying that it isn't very mature to ignore a message. She then just says, that she didn't know what to answer.

    So I stop contacting her, totally, and some days after, I visit my friend at his school. The girl snaps me 10 minutes after i left the school, asking me why I didn't wen't over to her class, I told her I just could't do that. She asked me why, and I replied the same way she does to me: "I dont Know". She then gets annoyed, and text me and says "she finds it irritating that I won't contact her when I find it annoying that she never have time for me, and that I have to do something for it." (Like I haven't done enough). I tell her that Im tired of chasing the mice, and she feels like its not in that way. I ask her how come she doesn't know what she wants, and she says she dont know. She just says that she really have tried to open up for me, but she can't because she have been mentally hurt due to an assault from one of her classmates a couple of months back. I just don't understand what it has to do with me, why can't she open up for me, I haven't done anything but treating her right. I then ask her what she think of me, how does she see me. She then says she wants to sleep now, she will text me tomorrow... And she never did.

    2 days after, Her and her friend passes me at a party, and her friend whispers her "there is "dash". So there I am, talking to 2 girls, the girl then comes up to me and gives me a hug and walks away. After that I've received Snaps where she text about what shes about to do, or that shes about to go to a party now. I haven't really responded to them. She still likes my stuff on Instagram.

    Conclusion:

    Either im on the hook (I believe i am), or shes really that mentally hurt. I really like her, and i really want her, but this is some of the things i've been told to do do, and something i've thought of.

    My male friend tells me to completely ignore her, either she will come back for my attention, or else it will just die out, and I will have to accept its not gonna be me and her.

    My female friend tells me to remove her from facebook and snapchat. Maybe she will come back, or else.. well just accept its not gonna be me and her.

    I personally wants to write this message to her:
    "I really think you are sweet and amazing, but I won't spend more time on you, if you don't want the same as me."
    or....
    "I really think you are sweet and amazing, but I will walk away, even though I dont want to, if you doesn't change the way your acting".




    Sorry for the long post, but I am really confused. What can you conclude? What are your advise?


    - "Dash"

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: There is this girl who is confusing me, I don't know what to do :(

    Sounds like shes a bad kisser. You made it a big problem makinf her feelin insecure

    You also seemed to expect her to do things instead of leading her.

    When she said she doesnt want you to follow her home it could mean severals things... To me i think your idea was right but the wording sounded needy and stalkerish which explains why she said she doesnt want you to follow her home...

    Honestly i think you're just frustrated and its showing... I think you're making your problems worse by expecting her to do half of the work. To me she sounds like most women who are a little inexperienced and shy... This means you'll have to do some education, be paitient and reinforce her positive emotions. From everything you said it never sounded like you genuinely enjoyed her company because you wanted to escalate without really taking the lead at her pace.

    I could be very wrong about all this but your entire post sounds like "me me me me me me" and often it sounds like you're ignoring her emotions. When shes in an emotional state thats good or bad--acknkwledge it before you say anything. It means you're listening... I also think you need to do some studying on body language so you're not misreading things and putting yourself into risky situationa if shes not ready for it. Dont ignore what shes saying and doing so you can just Fack her. Shes a human being--which reminds me ... It sounds like youre both under 19... Which means you're both more than likely socially awkward... Which explains your expectation of her...

    I think in the end you need to do a lot of studying on how to interact with women, how to read body language and how to lead a woman... Lastly you need to be cool regardless of her saying no instead of making an emotional scene why shes probably not ready. You're making her feel insecure which is not attractive and judgey.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: There is this girl who is confusing me, I don't know what to do :(

    And as for the text... Dont send what you were thinking. Instead try "hey, im an idiot. I think ive been trying to rush you this entire time when you just might not be ready. Lets just hang out and go xxxxxxx at xxxxxx. I promise i wont bite :P"
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  4. #4
    Dash19 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: There is this girl who is confusing me, I don't know what to do :(

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    And as for the text... Dont send what you were thinking. Instead try "hey, im an idiot. I think ive been trying to rush you this entire time when you just might not be ready. Lets just hang out and go xxxxxxx at xxxxxx. I promise i wont bite :P"
    But Are you serious about that Text, what about asking her how her party was? Then Ask her in your way? 😂

  5. #5
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    Default Re: There is this girl who is confusing me, I don't know what to do :(

    Im serious about the text. It means you're taking her feelings serious. The last sentence means you're flitatious still. You need to meet up with her and show her you can lead her and make her feel comfortable instead of thinking about yourself all the time. You get intimate with her eventually but girls take a lot more time to warm up--they have walls because guys are constantly checking them out or hitting on them. Study up, im serious. If you doing you're just going to remain an AFC
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: There is this girl who is confusing me, I don't know what to do :(

    also, don't get what i'm saying confused with the idea that you need to be doing everything she says or complying with her... i'm strictly referring to her emotional states when its up or down. you'll need to decide where to draw the line for your self with your own standards.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  7. #7
    Dash19 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: There is this girl who is confusing me, I don't know what to do :(

    It is just confusing me bigtime, because shes a HB10 no doubt. When I see all her instagram images, and her profilphotos, she got 100's of guys complimenting her, and I can see she enjoys the attention, so Its just hard for me to believe that shes inexperienced (Dont misunderstand). I just find it hard to believe that she's not knowing what shes doing.

    Also, how do I acknowledge her, when she is in an emotional state?

  8. #8
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    Default Re: There is this girl who is confusing me, I don't know what to do :(

    Im not you. I cant figure that out for you. You need to study up and learn a bit about body language.

    If you think shes purposely doing things like a mind gane then why are you giving into it? Who cares about what guys are saying on her instagram. Remember for attraction the one who is chasing has no power. Get comfortable with the fact shes talking to other guys. Believe in yourself and put value into yourself. If you think your hot stuff then act like it but donf be Jerk about it. When you're too caught up you get tunnel vision and emotional stirring up more emotions out of her and if its bad--its not heLthy. Her emotIonL states are what will show you how much to push pr how mich to pull back from with buildong or breaking rapport.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  9. #9
    Dash19 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: There is this girl who is confusing me, I don't know what to do :(

    So I should just be doing my thing, go out, party, be social, and text her, ask her how her day has been, or should I ask her out occasinaly? I fear that if i wait for her to text me first, its not gonna happen.

  10. #10
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: There is this girl who is confusing me, I don't know what to do :(

    Decide what you want... Do you want her? Do you want to chase her? Do you want her to chase you?

    You need to build up your self worth if you want her to want you. Study up... Everything else i think you need to decide for yourself. Im not living your life buddy
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.


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