Learning the game has been an absolute blast. Reading the threads and responses on these forums, david deangelo's stuff, r/seddit, RSDnation, and a number of other resources has completely changed who I am and what I hope to be - and I'm still on the journey of bettering myself.
But during the process of learning the game, I am often stricken with pangs of regret. With each new mindset change, body language tip, self-care suggestion, and every piece of inner/outer game advice I absorb, I'm reminded of my past interactions with women, and how I had done all things you're NOT supposed to do. Being needy, having a lack of confidence, inability to escalate physically, failing womens' tests, getting too attached to the outcome, etc. - all the memories of my interaction with the girls I was close to come back, and I say to myself, "fark me man, if only I had learned this earlier..."
Even after I discovered PUA and started working to improve, I made mistakes with women (approach, dating, relationships, you name it), and occasionally farked things up. In the interest of figuring out what went wrong and what I could've done better, I look things up, ask, and learn.
And I can say with confidence that I'm improving (fark yea): but I always lament to myself what could have been. I could've had amazing relationships with the women in my lifehad I just known certain concepts and ideas earlier.
Just a month ago, I separated from a girl I was deeply interested in, and I've made some progress in moving on. But as I learn, study, and practice my game today, whenever I see and pick up some new information that would've helped my interaction with her, I throw my head back and laugh at how foolish I was back then, and am filled with regret; and this doesn't just go for her. For many of the women I was close to, I wonder how lame they thought I was, and how they would speak of me. I know that I shouldn't care, but discovering the nature of all the mistakes I made - via learning PUA - makes not imagining this hard.
With each step forward I take in improving my game, I reminisce about some of the missed opportunities I passed up, my ineptness, (the girl I knew even sometimes playfully teased me about having 'missed opportunities' with her) and what could have been. And really, from what I've found, wondering what could have been is one of the most painful things to go through in life.
Has anyone else struggled with this issue? Am I just thinking about this too much, or incorrectly? I can't help myself... as I learn more and more, I just get more and more disgusted and disappointed with the me of the past...