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Thread: Kind of a dumb problem...but I feel regret when I'm learning PUA stuff.

  1. #1
    afcsupreme is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Kind of a dumb problem...but I feel regret when I'm learning PUA stuff.

    Learning the game has been an absolute blast. Reading the threads and responses on these forums, david deangelo's stuff, r/seddit, RSDnation, and a number of other resources has completely changed who I am and what I hope to be - and I'm still on the journey of bettering myself.

    But during the process of learning the game, I am often stricken with pangs of regret. With each new mindset change, body language tip, self-care suggestion, and every piece of inner/outer game advice I absorb, I'm reminded of my past interactions with women, and how I had done all things you're NOT supposed to do. Being needy, having a lack of confidence, inability to escalate physically, failing womens' tests, getting too attached to the outcome, etc. - all the memories of my interaction with the girls I was close to come back, and I say to myself, "fark me man, if only I had learned this earlier..."

    Even after I discovered PUA and started working to improve
    , I made mistakes with women (approach, dating, relationships, you name it), and occasionally farked things up. In the interest of figuring out what went wrong and what I could've done better, I look things up, ask, and learn.

    And I can say with confidence that I'm improving (fark yea): but I always lament to myself what could have been. I could've had amazing relationships with the women in my lifehad I just known certain concepts and ideas earlier.

    Just a month ago, I separated from a girl I was deeply interested in, and I've made some progress in moving on. But as I learn, study, and practice my game today, whenever I see and pick up some new information that would've helped my interaction with her, I throw my head back and laugh at how foolish I was back then, and am filled with regret; and this doesn't just go for her. For many of the women I was close to, I wonder how lame they thought I was, and how they would speak of me. I know that I shouldn't care, but discovering the nature of all the mistakes I made - via learning PUA - makes not imagining this hard.

    With each step forward I take in improving my game, I reminisce about some of the missed opportunities I passed up, my ineptness, (the girl I knew even sometimes playfully teased me about having 'missed opportunities' with her) and what could have been. And really, from what I've found, wondering what could have been is one of the most painful things to go through in life.

    Has anyone else struggled with this issue? Am I just thinking about this too much, or incorrectly? I can't help myself... as I learn more and more, I just get more and more disgusted and disappointed with the me of the past...

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Kind of a dumb problem...but I feel regret when I'm learning PUA stuff.

    we all have those thoughts. we are human beings. we have insecurities. when you look at yourself you see everything. whats most interesting about when you look at yourself is that you can point out the flaws better than anyone else. the thing you need to realize is that when you look at yourself you're using a mirror--and thats not how you want to interact with people while being social. leave your insecurities behind because you're out there to be yourself not to analyze yourself.

    when you get into conversations about point out flaws in people as well as yourself just be straight forward with it and acknowledge it. take it down as a note--but don't forget you're already working on hundreds of imperfections of yourself so you can be the best person out there. so what if there's something else to add to the pile, it doesn't really change anything. you're still you at the end of the day. you can still go out there and talk to men and women and be the most social guy in the room if you wanted to--thats the real question.. what do you want?
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    Fire Eater is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Kind of a dumb problem...but I feel regret when I'm learning PUA stuff.

    It's the same story with me, I've learned all the screw-ups I made in the past as well. We all have regrets and missed opportunities, and I think what you say shows how much you're learning in recognizing the mistakes you made from the past and learning from them.

    The past can be a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. What happened happened, and the past can't be changed, but learning from it can change your future. Live in the now, and stay in the present.

  4. #4
    daffyff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Kind of a dumb problem...but I feel regret when I'm learning PUA stuff.

    I was actually sitting on my couch about 2 hours ago thinking these exact same thoughts supreme. these thoughts have to be part of the process though. What it comes down to is that it's a thousand pities we missed so many opportunities....let 's not miss any more!!

  5. #5
    TrueFlow is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Kind of a dumb problem...but I feel regret when I'm learning PUA stuff.

    We all think about it, and we have all missed great opportunities. I've had a chance with 5 different girls I liked at one point of time. 4 of them could have been great relationships. But I didn't ever escalate. The fifth girl I was about an inch from kissig, but I pussied out.

    She turned out to be a psycho that called rape on a guy she had a one night stand with because he didn't want to be with her. Loss of dignity?

    She, her mom and a friend kidnapped the poor kid and totured him. Beating him ip with a wire kicking and squeezing his balls.

    Don't overthink it. Sometimes what could have been, couldn't bave been, and wasn't.

  6. #6
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Kind of a dumb problem...but I feel regret when I'm learning PUA stuff.

    Wow.. Was that really a true story? Any remorse for him at all? Geez
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  7. #7
    CapPickup is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Kind of a dumb problem...but I feel regret when I'm learning PUA stuff.

    Fark that.

    I have this girl in my class for 2 terms. And I NEVER talked to her not even once. But yesterday I was feeling really good. So I said hi, she ignored me because I was speaking softly. I ignored that and continued.

    Me: What happened to your hair? (It was curly yesterday and really cute)
    Her: What happened to my hair? What about it? (smile)
    Me: It's all curly and shit.
    Her: That's how it naturally looks. (smile)
    Other two girls: Yeah it's really pretty and cute.
    Me: It's different.
    Her: I don't like it like this but For some reason I feel more confident when my hair is like this.
    Me: (LAUGHS)
    Her & and other two girls: bla bla bla bla bla

    Now there's two ways I can perceive this:
    a.) awww shit! she smiled at me, that means she likes me. I'll never see her again. GODDAMIT! Why didn't I game her before? Stupid motherfarkr. Damn she's really beautiful. didn't even number close stupid shit.

    b.) She smiled at me! SHE WANTS THE D! You can't spell GAME without ME. haha woooo! I'M THE SHIT!

    It's all about perception. Why would you choose negativity over positivity? You can believe whatever you want, just be sure it won't hold you back in your game.

    I don't know about you but this shit works for me.

    Goodluck! may the force be with your game.

  8. #8
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Kind of a dumb problem...but I feel regret when I'm learning PUA stuff.

    Yeah. Its all about the frame you set things up to and decide to act upon it. When you carry a tone that isnt confident it shows and you can make it worse by acting upon it negatively from there. Two wrongs dont make a right.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  9. #9
    daffyff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Kind of a dumb problem...but I feel regret when I'm learning PUA stuff.

    Quote Originally Posted by CapPickup View Post
    b.) She smiled at me! SHE WANTS THE D! You can't spell GAME without ME. haha woooo! I'M THE SHIT!
    LOL!! Good attitude, dude.

    I don't think it's bad to think some on past mistakes, as long as you recognize them as your mistake and then seek ways to improve them. Mistakes are the rungs on the ladder to perfection. No one here will ever achieve that perfection of pick-up, but as long as we recognize mistakes we are one step closer to it. In other words, these mistakes are necessary to our growth.

    So the next time you recall a past mistake, a bad interaction or a harsh rejection, try re-enacting it in your mind and change how you handled it. And I think it's important to not go off on an unrealistic fantasy of the interaction leading to her jumping onto your D. Focus simply on getting a positive reaction and end it there.

    For instance, Cap's story does not illustrate a failure in my opinion. He had a pleasant interaction with an attractive woman who also enjoyed it. It probably made her day. I just read in one of Bill Preston's recent blog posts: "...all of my interactions are fun, interesting and I feel that I am bringing a ton of fun and value to people I meet...Stop trying to get lucky."

  10. #10
    Grey2fox is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Kind of a dumb problem...but I feel regret when I'm learning PUA stuff.

    I'm still making mistakes haha. I have to be honest though, I haven't gotten into the lifestyle at all. I simply read things on the fringes and applied some of it in my life and it was amazing. I noticed things I didn't before and avoided being the regular AFC.

    Since then I've put all the learning on hiatus as I don't have the courage to go out there on my own. My friends either live far away or are too busy. Now I'm focused on getting a real job as opposed to this silly retail one and a motorcycle which I'll hopefully get with the next pay check. Once I get my life in check, then I can get some focus on this stuff. I'm 26 now, fingers crossed I get to grips with a career before 30 lol


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