Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Results 1 to 7 of 7
Like Tree3Likes
  • 1 Post By Cody
  • 1 Post By David_1211
  • 1 Post By daffyff

Thread: Asked my gf for some space.

  1. #1
    David_1211 is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 132, Level: 2
    Level completed: 64%, Points required for next Level: 18
    Overall activity: 25.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    33
    Points
    132
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    10

    Default Asked my gf for some space.

    Just hit the 3 month mark with my gf. We spend a lot of time together, like she spends the night 6-7 days a week.

    Told her this morning when we just woke up that we should sleep in each others beds at least for the night to give each other some space and she got upset about it. I should have timed it way different and not come off the way I did, i'll say that. I asked this of her for the betterment of the relationship. I feel like every now and then we get a little annoyed or irritated at each other and do not want to burn things out with her.

    Trying to move a step forward, I feel like we have now taken two steps back and this has affected our relationship in the wrong way. Now she said that she wants a couple nights of space rather than the one night I said.

    I need advice, guys. I'm in love with this girl and I am afraid of whats to come next.

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 31,222, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social25000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Awards:
    Posting Award
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Southern Michigan USA
    Posts
    2,558
    Points
    31,222
    Level
    100
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts
    Rep Power
    1391

    Default Re: Asked my gf for some space.

    ALL people get annoyed with each other... EVERYONE.
    But that doesn't mean we stop liking or loving them.

    You gave her the impression that you're unable to handle difficulties & that you're prone to run away whenever anything causes the slightest ripple.

    It's good to be honest with a girl, but you need to think before speak. And ask yourself if there's any way that what you're about to say could be taken the wrong way. If so, figure out how to word it better, so that what you actually mean is what's understood.

    When a GIRL says "I need some space"... that generally means she's trying to buy a little time to think of the easiest way to break up with a guy. So that's what she may be thinking your intention is.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,719, Level: 43
    Level completed: 85%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 53.0%
    Achievements:
    Social1000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Posts
    820
    Points
    4,719
    Level
    43
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
    Rep Power
    238

    Default Re: Asked my gf for some space.

    Well it sounds you're honest to her--in the end there's nothing she can really be mad about because you're being honest.

    To me it sounds like she took your word seriously. Which can be good and bad depending on how you handle it. How do you handle it? Well treat it like it's not a big deal but that you understand that in relationships require people to have their own space to think, breathe and relax. The only way relationships can be sustained is if there is a sense of longing for one another--the fear of losing each other is why you come together as well as the reason why you don't spend every day together doing everything.

    I think it's important for you to remind her but much more importantly yourself that giving someone space isn't freezing someone out or ignoring them. Giving someone space is giving them the opportunity to still be an individual which in the end helps couple be more defined. As much as you're worried about her, I'd be worried about what yourself in regards to your inner game.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  4. #4
    Cody's Avatar
    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
    Points: 23,461, Level: 94
    Level completed: 12%, Points required for next Level: 889
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social10000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    CF, IA
    Posts
    1,097
    Points
    23,461
    Level
    94
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 6 Times in 4 Posts
    Rep Power
    994

    Default Re: Asked my gf for some space.

    When a GIRL says "I need some space"... that generally means she's trying to buy a little time to think of the easiest way to break up with a guy. So that's what she may be thinking your intention is.

    I agree with this statement.

    It's good to be honest with a girl, but you need to think before speak. And ask yourself if there's any way that what you're about to say could be taken the wrong way. If so, figure out how to word it better, so that what you actually mean is what's understood.

    I think a better way to think of this is to try and understand how you're going to make her feel. Of course you're going to make her feel bad, but how can you make her feel bad without feeling the other feelings that don't have to be associated with the "bad" feeling?

    You gave her the impression that you're unable to handle difficulties & that you're prone to run away whenever anything causes the slightest ripple.

    I kind of disagree with this, and I'll explain in a second.

    I think it's important for you to remind her but much more importantly yourself that giving someone space isn't freezing someone out or ignoring them. Giving someone space is giving them the opportunity to still be an individual which in the end helps couple be more defined. As much as you're worried about her, I'd be worried about what yourself in regards to your inner game.

    I like you. You're a smart guy, Artandale.

    Flashback to a few weeks ago when I shared with the AllStars in our private group what's been going on with me. I've been dating my current girlfriend exclusively for over a year and she was getting clingy/much of the same exact issues you described. I hadn't realized that we had been sleeping together a majority of nights.

    Well, I recently graduated, got a big boy job, and am hustling to make a sh*t ton of money. She had some serious resistance and I was getting genuinely annoyed. I had (have) moved back home with my parents temporarily to get my finances sorted and situation straight, so I wasn't in the dorms anymore. She wanted me to stay with her or to stay over at my place to continue with the way things were. With some support from the AllStars (much like I'm giving you now), I had a brief talk with her. I told her that just wasn't the way it was going to go anymore, that money is a major priority in my life, as she is too, but what she wanted was impractical and downright annoying. We might sleep together one night a week from here on out, but only when it doesn't mess with my work.

    She cried compulsively, to the point of a panic attack. I stayed for a minute or two longer, then left her (at her place) because it was late and I had to go. Yes, I left her crying. She was a pathetic mess. It hurt to see her that way, but more because I knew she was stronger than that. I was origninally interested in her for her strong independence, which I saw none of now.

    Two days later, she tells me how sorry she is for being such a baby. Success comes with sacrifice, and she understands that I need to do what I have to do or I won't be happy, which means I won't be happy with her, and that I'll blame her as the cause of my failure. <--which is what the majority of men do in marriages, struggling in quiet desperation because they didn't have the courage to chase their life purpose.

    Now, we spend less time together but we do better at appreciating the time we have. We are both much happier than we were before.




    To respond to TMal, I think it just needs to be simplified. You scared her is all. Yes, you did give her the impression that you are unable to handle difficulties, but you didn't have to. She's going to feel like sh*t because it's not what she wants to hear, but she doesn't have to feel scared (of losing you).

    Emotionally non-reactive is not the same as not giving a sh*t. I cared deeply as I watched my girlfriend cry, but I didn't unravel. If I had, how could she trust me for emotional stability (which is all that any girl really wants)? Here's the best advice I ever received from the guy that used to be my best friend (and is now engaged to my ex), "Two wet noodles can't help each other stand."

    Artandale said it. At the end of the day, this isn't about her; it's about you. What kind of man are you?
    Last edited by Cody; 06-09-2014 at 10:19 PM. Reason: Spelled a Brotha's Name Wrong
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  5. #5
    David_1211 is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 132, Level: 2
    Level completed: 64%, Points required for next Level: 18
    Overall activity: 25.0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    33
    Points
    132
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    10

    Default Re: Asked my gf for some space.

    Cody,

    I sincerely appreciate your thoughts. My gf and I talked about it and are on the same page now. Yes, I had bad timing today and the way approached it wasn't the best, and yes I showed a weakness that I should not have let her seen.

    She understands that my space is valuable (and that I value hers as well) and that I need it to focus on myself because like you said, I need to be happy with myself first before being happy with her.

    This is our first serious relationship and I already feel that after the talk today about the importance of giving each other some space has already strengthened it.

    Thank you again and I love the quote. I'll keep that with me as I move forward with her.

    Best.

  6. #6
    Torrent Seduction is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 182, Level: 3
    Level completed: 64%, Points required for next Level: 18
    Overall activity: 94.1%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    29
    Points
    182
    Level
    3
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Asked my gf for some space.

    I hated when my ex gf wanted to spend too much time with me. Like damn we all need our space. you did the right thing by telling her regardless of how you came off.

  7. #7
    daffyff is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 565, Level: 11
    Level completed: 30%, Points required for next Level: 35
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Achievements:
    500 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    near San Francisco, ca
    Posts
    82
    Points
    565
    Level
    11
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    30

    Default Re: Asked my gf for some space.

    Wow. I wish I had this kind of help and advice 5 years ago. Thanks T-mal, artendale and cody.


Similar Threads

  1. Space, Spiders, Fear, and Approach Anxiety
    By TheDuke in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 03-19-2014, 03:37 PM
  2. surviving the dreaded "I want space"
    By jackstraw98 in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 19
    Last Thread: 12-30-2013, 02:28 PM
  3. Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 09-10-2012, 10:10 AM
  4. How do I fill "dead space"? (need help quick!)
    By 1cecube in forum General Questions
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 05-19-2012, 11:14 PM
  5. 2 outings in a week or space them further apart?
    By TheApostle in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 4
    Last Thread: 12-03-2010, 09:31 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com