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  1. #1
    Wolf24's Avatar
    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Losing Control Of My LTR

    Hey guys, I know you haven't heard from me for a while but rest assured I'm lurking around often, keeping an eye on all of you.

    Let's jump in. I'm in this LTR for more than 8 months now and nowadays I can openly observe that I'm losing control in the relationship. Slowly sliding down to beta state.

    Mainly because I don't really know how to behave in a "committed" relationship, you know? Because, obviously, it's a lot different than some casual, short term relationship. It's way past "getting to know each other." You get to know way too much about each other, so she does know how to push my buttons. Anyways, I guess I just couldn't keep my solid alpha state for 8 months and got too comfortable instead.

    Some of the main issues are:

    - She doesn't initiate things a lot. Examples: she doesn't initiate sex talk, doesn't really text or call first, doesn't really put effort in organizing dates. (I mean, I like to be initiative but it's feeling a bit too much at this point, you know? We're in an LTR after all...)

    - She doesn't let me to be upset with her. It's like she can't do mistakes. She apologizes once and suddenly everything is fine. And if I mistakenly raise my voice or something like that, when we are having an argument where she is the guilty one, she immediately turns it on me and suddenly I find myself apologizing. Painful even to read, yeah?

    - She can say no to me but she can't say no to her friends. Which eventually results in her flaking on me to meet her friends just because she can't say no to them.

    - She is not really open to change/trying new things. Self explanatory.

    That's all I can think for now. I appreciate all the comments and advice.

    Thank you pros.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  2. #2
    kylemc is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Losing Control Of My LTR

    I had a ex like that I eventually left her cause of what you described.But when she flakes on you don't let it phase you worst thing you can do is get mad as it comes off being Beta if she doesn't reply just do one of your hobbies or go out to other people.

    Another thing is when you are in a argument regardless of who's fault it was don't apologize for it apologizing lets her know she has more power in the relationship if you don't give her what she wants she'll chase you.

    One of the days you should see if she initiates the conversation between you and her if she doesn't do it but gets mad you can say well you didn't start the conversation. Never try logically reason with her as it wont work at all.

    Also if you're out with her to eat,movies,etc when you feel shes attracted to you sit down somewhere and see if she says anything to break the silence if she does then you know she is attracted on even if she doesn't say anything, carry on with the conversation.

    Less is more, more is less
    "A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything" - Malcom X

  3. #3
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Losing Control Of My LTR

    Make her jealous. Go out with your friends more. Engineer situations where she will know you are with a beautiful work colleague. Talk about other women. Etc Etc. This will gauge whether she is still actually attracted to you (or maybe even if she is seeing someone else). If she cares for you she should get jealous, may not want to loose you and should invest more in the relationship.

    Beyond that you have to understand womens emotions. It's not what they say but HOW they say it. Women will brood over things, be spiteful and even revengeful. They do not always follow logic. Their trump card is they can cry (womens emotional response) but we can't raise our voice aggressively (mens emotional response). You are better off crying in front of women than shouting haha. So in arguing I find it's not about proving who's right or wrong but trying to avoid arguments in the first place. Also remember most men on this planet can't avoid some kind of submission to women in a long term relationship. That's why we have sheds and golfcourses. There are some things about women you will never change so don't try to. There is a zen saying: 'If a man is alone in a forest, is he still wrong?'.

    You don't possess each other, you appreciate each other, so continue to live your life for yourself and allow her to live hers. When you're together make it fun just like when you first dated. If it's really annoying you then be clear on what you want out of a relationship. If she does not appreciate you for who you are, break it up and move on rather than waste time.

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