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  1. #1
    afcsupreme is offline PUA in Training
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    Default I want to make sure I'm 100% rejected...probably a bad thing? Also oneitis.

    Background/Context (actual question is further below):
    At the end of my junior year of college in early May, I was with a girl I had known for some time, though we had only started becoming more intimate for a couple months. She graduated this year, and she's going back to her home country for 2 years to work. She said she didn't want to continue things abroad, though she did like me quite a bit. I tried to convince her to keep up a LDR (being kind of needy/clingy in the process, failing some shit tests), and she went from saying no, to yes, and finally said no again during the last few days we interacted in person.

    After we ended things, I suggested we cut contact for a while; somehow, we ended up sending a few random messages back and forth. About 10 days ago, I sent her a couple messages, and she hasn't responded.

    Basically, we separated primarily due to circumstance rather than a lack of attraction, though my neediness/excessive chasing (e.g. she says "I don't want to see you anymore!" and I responded "Cmon, let's meet later tonight") during the period before she left, and even a little while afterwards, probably made her less likely to want to do a long-distance relationship.

    Here's my problem:

    I have this massive urge to contact her again, to say that we should try things out for a few months, or just to check in. Perhaps all I'm seeking is her validation after she didn't respond to a couple of my messages - I'm not sure.

    Deep down I know that if I continue to try with this girl, I might ruin the chance that she may come back and contact me (persisting will probably come off as needy and unattractive, after we agreed to separate).

    I guess I want to do this to "be sure" that I'm rejected? In a way, I think it will help me get over her. Because the main reason for us separating was circumstance, I feel that if I don't persist until I get a flat-out "No." (even though that's already kind of the current situation), I'd keep thinking about ways to get her (even if deep down I know I have no chance) and that does my head in - I'm finding it difficult to concentrate on my work and studies at college...So I have this really needy urge to persist further, so I can know it's actually OVER and I can forget about the girl, to force her to explicitly turn me down in a way that I can't possibly lie to myself about.

    I feel like this is just a ridiculously beta mentality, of wanting to take it too far to know you've been rejected but...It's difficult to get over my oneitis because there was still some attraction (though I know that in the end, she choose to not want to continue things when she could've).

    Can anyone relate? What should I do? Do I just suck it up and move on, or ask her to try an LDR once more?

  2. #2
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I want to make sure I'm 100% rejected...probably a bad thing? Also onei

    I'm thinking the "I don't want to see you anymore" was kind of your 'No' for continuing the relationship. I can totally relate man, rejection can be such a b1tch, especially when you've developed oneitis. Your mind is stuck on all the things you should've done, you want to do, and what you should do. Though, deep down, you know it's really over. That's why there's such a tear in your mind, you can't concentrate because you want something so bad that you know you can't have.

    I'm all about working on your inner game first. You can definitely come on here and learn some awesome techniques for picking up women. But the process is brutal and as "beta" as it may sound, it just crushes you emotionally. Don't be discouraged by your feeling. Embrace it. Give yourself some time to accept it. It can feel traumatic. Listen to some sad songs, sit in a park and think, do whatever you need to feel it completely, then you can let it go. This might be a little opposite of advice your going to get on here, but you can only employ PUA techniques when your confident and resilient inside.

    I remember starting out, pulling a date with a HB10, spooning and going for a K-close. She never wanted to hang out again. I was absolutely crushed for almost a month. However, you pick yourself up, realize your mistakes, and learn. In the last week I've pulled a number from a HB9 and HB9.5, jacked them both up in text game... I need to get better at text game, plain and simple. On top of that, the more your rejected the less it hurts. Both rejections hurt, for about a half hour. Jumped on POF and grabbed a date with a HB7 and HB8 for this week. You have to want to be better with women more than you don't want to fail.

    This may have sounded like a counseling session, but I know it sucks. Let it go. Hit her up in a couple months. She's way away, your gonna waste so much valuable self improving time trying to keep your relationship with her. It only gets better homie! Keep at it.

  3. #3
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I want to make sure I'm 100% rejected...probably a bad thing? Also onei

    Let it go, move onto other girls.

  4. #4
    daffyff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want to make sure I'm 100% rejected...probably a bad thing? Also onei

    You're just looking for some real closure. I certainly don't blame you, and I'm sorry you are not getting it. You're not going to get it though. You will heal. And then you will learn from it and move on. I suggest you delete all of her contact information.

  5. #5
    afcsupreme is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want to make sure I'm 100% rejected...probably a bad thing? Also onei

    I appreciate the input y'all. @Bballking you're absolutely right, I'm just thinking about what happened, and what I could've done, and replaying the memories in my head. Though when she said "I don't want to see you!", I'm sure it was kind of in a coy, testing way, and we did end up seeing each other later, but after a lot of persistence by me - definitely failed her shit test! (should've said "k, no worries" and walked away)

    But I suppose that's beside the point...my next question is, how do I achieve this closure on my own? Again, if I was outright rejected by her ("I hate you, don't contact me anymore!"), as farked up as it sounds I would actually find it easier to handle and accept than this situation; getting rejected like that is hella painful, but I know there would be no plausible chance to get back together.

    But it's the uncertainty and possibility of getting back together in the situation, and her not responding at all to my prior messages that makes it so difficult to swallow. Is it the right thing to do to release the uncertainty, even though there's some chance of success? Is this something y'all feel as well - that this kind of rejection makes moving on difficult?

  6. #6
    afcsupreme is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I want to make sure I'm 100% rejected...probably a bad thing? Also onei

    I wanted to update this thread for anyone who is going through/has encountered a similar problem as what I described. I recently saw this video from RSD (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZVVoyyKIj4), and the mindset and mentality which he advocates absolutely blew me away.

    Everything he mentioned in the video resonated with me on a deep level. From trying to say whatever one can to 'manipulate' the girl to come back to you (which essentially described the needy messages I sent to her), to the concept of a masculine/feminine energy. And I do feel a lot better now, knowing that I can try and view everything as simply a learning experience. I still miss the girl I separated from of course, it hurts like hell, and I don't know exactly what I want - do I actually want to contact her? To be with her again? To get her validation? To just completely move on? But I think I have a much clearer head, and can think about these issues with a less needy mindset as time goes on, and restore my masculine energy.

    Just wanted to post an update here to share what I've learned. Hopefully the video will help anyone who's encountered similar experiences as well.


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