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  1. #1
    phenix is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Family issues ruining relationship?

    Been with a girl for years. We had the best chemistry ever. It got to a point she would say she'd mary me and that I was the best guy for her.

    One day, she realized that she had family issues. Her family foundation is really important for her and she thought she had the perfect family, however she started having issues with her parents who thought she was being distant from them (mostly due to her intense school program and partly because her free time well she would spend it with me and her friends rather than with family). This shook her extremely, and from one day to another, she decided to drop this relationship. She felt like she neglected her family.

    Its been a month and a half now since that day. Ever since she wanted to remain friends, but we had some arguments that pushed us apart a little given that I had trouble to accept and understand this reality. It seemed odd to me that she would drop something we both loved so much to deal with her personal ''issues''. I came across as needy and did all types of mistakes also meanwhile. I was looking for confirmation, which she gave me, saying her feeling did not fade, but that she cannot commit to me right now as she needs to deal with her personal issues. She is also doing recruitment for a job and she says that everything going on in her life results that she has no time for a bf. That said she wanted to remain platonic also as it is against her value to eb intimate with a guy that isnt her bf, which made things awkward between us..

    It literally happened from one day to another, a month and a half ago. And despite how great our relationship was, it seems like nothing will make her come back at it right now.

    We are just on and off right now. Sometimes she opens her heart, sometimes we get into arguments as I think she is irrational to drop me off (I had trouble controllong myself, this really made no sense to me).

    We had an argument yesterday, it ended up with her saying she needs a break from talking to me.. (we used to talk all the time and have a blast together). I agreed to this, although it is fairly hard.

    I dont know what to do. This just seems like so much bs. But I love that girl beyond words.

    Thanks for advising guys.

  2. #2
    phenix is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Family issues ruining relationship?

    I wanted to NC her, and broke it today, I texted her that I love the woman she is but I understand this cannot work right now and that I'd stop to dwell on how she feels for me and support whatever leads to her happiness. she answered six hours later: thanks ''my name'', you're a one of a kind man . (seems pretty cold to me)

    Unsure what to do now.... how could a girl saying she was going to mary me months ago be so cold right now..

    She swears there is no one else in the picture and she says her feelings did not fade.. this is just weird.

    It consumes too much of my energy.

  3. #3
    Euthanasia is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Family issues ruining relationship?

    Ditch her. I'm not a most experienced guy here, but I know one thing: when someone is not able to cut umbilical cord with his or her family, it will come to hunt you sooner or later (I had that issue with my ex for years). Yes, family is extremly importent to me, but my wife and my kids are a most importent beings in this world. My father, mother, brother..., are next in line. I beleive your gf has some f***** up priorites...

  4. #4
    phenix is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Family issues ruining relationship?

    Thanks for the feedback.

    We were not at the point of having children though. we both are early 20s.

  5. #5
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Family issues ruining relationship?

    well you kind of already decided to cut ties whens he wanted a break. if you went back on your word you'd really ruin any chance of repairing the damage. let it sink in with her. move on. if you want her back you should social proof yourself to show that you've moved on to make yourself feel occupied so you don't have to think about her or be lonely. if you need time to be by yourself then do so. be honest with yourself about disciplining yourself because the fact of the matter is you called it off instead of giving her room and letting her decide what she wanted. there's nothing to fix if this is your decision.

    if anything check back in on her in a few months if you can to see how she is because you still think about her. this is understandable especially in intimate relationships. by this point she'll have thought about the time apart from you and if there is a chance this would be one of a few rare moments in your possible future to mend the damage you both did to your relationship.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  6. #6
    phenix is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Family issues ruining relationship?

    Thanks. I'll try to do that. It's tough, this situation really came out of no where and makes no sense to me.
    The fact she would say her feelings did not fade but that this cannot work also farked up with me.
    We were perfect together.

  7. #7
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Family issues ruining relationship?

    its called priorities. some people just value family more than anything. i've had friends who had at least a 15 year age gap and when the parents found out they broke up--they never fought even during the break up. he suffered pain and loss but she was afraid to lose her relationship with her parents. sometimes thats just how things go.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #8
    phenix is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Family issues ruining relationship?

    Thanks for contributing. Tell me what would you do if/when she contacts me again?

  9. #9
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Family issues ruining relationship?

    She doesn't have time for a boyfriend, yet she still has time to contact/spend with you? Basically, you are allowing her to leave you while still being able to use you for support/sex or whatever else it may be, while at the same time she is free to pursue whoever she wants to. I understand her reasoning, but it sounds like cop-out to me.

    I'm not going to tell you what you SHOULD do, but I will say that maintaining this relationship as it is seems very confusing and painful to you. This way she is able to keep her hold on you while doing what she wants. She can have her cake and eat it too, while not gaining any calorie intake.

    This isn't advice, just perspective.

    Just to add, the "logical" reasoning women give you is bullshit. Women don't generally reason with logic. If she is breaking down logically why she has to do it, then there are some other underlying issues. I never even ask why a girl doesn't want to see me anymore, because the reason they give me is always bullshit, they simply aren't feeling it anymore.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  10. #10
    phenix is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Family issues ruining relationship?

    Thanks Blistex, your perspective enlightened me. It's very tough however to accept what happened from one day to another. Oh well that's life.
    I learned that women can be VERY surprising. Never take them for granted, until married I guess.. Only days ago she would open her heart now we're in a break from talking.


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