Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Results 1 to 8 of 8
Like Tree2Likes
  • 1 Post By T-Mal
  • 1 Post By T-Mal

Thread: "No spark" situation after first date

  1. #1
    BigRed is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 134, Level: 2
    Level completed: 68%, Points required for next Level: 16
    Overall activity: 5.6%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    12
    Points
    134
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    10

    Default "No spark" situation after first date

    I met this woman on a dating app and we hit it off well and kept things light and flirty and went on a date Monday after a week of text. I felt the date went well and we both had a good time. We went out for coffee and a walk downtown for a few hours and talked about a second date later this week as a possibility. She didn't send a text after but later I messages her about it being good we got to get out and enjoy the good weather before the storm that came through. She didn't respond so to me I saw it as a red flag and waited until this morning to call her and set up a second date. She answered and had a little small talk before her mom called and said she needed to take the call. These are the texts that followed....

    HER: Sorry about that. Needed to catch up on a few things

    ME: I think that's really awesome you're close with your family

    HER: Yeah I am super close with them. My grand parents and a cousin are coming on town so she was giving me the dates

    ME: You don't see that a lot anymore! It's a good thing that you and I share those values

    HER: Yeah it is becoming more rare

    ME: When would it be a good time for me to call you up?

    HER: Idk. I am busy taking care of a few things before work

    ME: Well I know that :P that wasn't the question

    HER: Haha well to be honest I should let you know I am not sure if this is going to go much farther. I wanted a spark to be there but there just wasn't

    ME: Well you are a perfectionist ��Just stop trying so hard and relax. It's dating, not a final in Chem

    i wasn't even able to bring up our second date plans. Is this a test or salvageable? The only thing I can think that would cause this is that there wasn't any real kino during our date. We hugged at first and I would lightly touch her throughout but holding hands didn't occur. Looking back I would have definitely went for it but I didn't want her to be uncomfortable.

    Should I just call her again anyway in a day or two? I don't want to make date plans over text.

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,719, Level: 43
    Level completed: 85%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 53.0%
    Achievements:
    Social1000 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Posts
    820
    Points
    4,719
    Level
    43
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
    Rep Power
    238

    Default Re: "No spark" situation after first date

    Just relax. In my opinion your best bet is to let her hit you up first. If she doesnt do it within like 4 days just jog her memory say "xxx happened today and i thought anlbout ya. ;P" just keep it simple no pressure since shes busy with other things.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 31,222, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social25000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Awards:
    Posting Award
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Southern Michigan USA
    Posts
    2,558
    Points
    31,222
    Level
    100
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts
    Rep Power
    1391

    Default Re: "No spark" situation after first date

    You're trying to force rapport by staying in fluff talk & trying to find commonalities, or reasons to compliment her.

    That's the stuff EVERY guy does... so there's no spark because you're just like the rest.

    But when things started to take a turn for the worst, you got defensive & made snide comments.

    The good news is, you can take this experience & learn from it. You have to crash & burn a few times to progress, but it's sooooo worth it.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  4. #4
    BigRed is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 134, Level: 2
    Level completed: 68%, Points required for next Level: 16
    Overall activity: 5.6%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    12
    Points
    134
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    10

    Default Re: "No spark" situation after first date

    T-Mal, as far as the actual date we had would a lack of kino have led to this? Her text caught me off guard but I don't think I was coming off as snide and defensive, I was just trying to be playful.

    I also feel like his is a test to see if I'm really interested, I haven't been overcrowding or coming off needy at all and it worked well up until now.

  5. #5
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
    Points: 31,222, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social25000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Awards:
    Posting Award
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Southern Michigan USA
    Posts
    2,558
    Points
    31,222
    Level
    100
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts
    Rep Power
    1391

    Default Re: "No spark" situation after first date

    If you don't touch a girl, you totally set yourself up for the friend zone.

    Guys are often too afraid to make a move, because they wanna be the nice guy & not push things along too soon.

    Meanwhile, the guys who touch are taking her home.
    If there's no touching, there's not gonna be much of a spark.

    I touch from the first moment I meet her.
    And if we chatted online first, I talk about being a touchy/feely person and that I hug a lot. I prep her to be touched so that she knows I'm going to. I more or less tell her flat out "I'm going to touch you... a lot".

    Soooo, if she agrees to meet, she has already given me permission to touch because my comments didn't scare her away. She still agreed to meet me, knowing I would be touching.

    (see what I mean?)

    But in a nutshell, YES! You have to touch! Touching builds attraction, AND comfort.

    That doesn't mean "grope her"... that means, you hold hands, put your arm around her, give her elbows & hip bumps, high fives, smacks on the ass, etc...

    When you can comfortably & confidently touch a girl, you can get the kiss 100% of the time too. (And usually much more)


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  6. #6
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
    DirectIsBest is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 4,840, Level: 44
    Level completed: 45%, Points required for next Level: 110
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social1000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    The frozen tundra. U.S.A.
    Posts
    595
    Points
    4,840
    Level
    44
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 24 Times in 22 Posts
    Rep Power
    228

    Default Re: "No spark" situation after first date

    Listen to T-Mal. You must touch! Honestly holding hands is not a big deal to women but it clearly communicates your intentions. Sometimes I try to hold a woman's hand immediately. If she pulls away I find it amusing so I get a big grin and razz her. "What? Is that too fast for you?!"

    Another good time to kino is when you enter a building. Hold the door for her then put your hand on the small of her back when you walk in. Barely any guy does that and it's perfect for kino. You can also do this when your talking to her and she's sitting beside you.

    Woman like to be touched, just don't grope her and your golden!

  7. #7
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 15,299, Level: 79
    Level completed: 90%, Points required for next Level: 51
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Achievements:
    Social10000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    1,032
    Points
    15,299
    Level
    79
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    675

    Default Re: "No spark" situation after first date

    The other thing of course is your strength in conversation. Only say it was a good time if she says so first 'Yeah, sure it was'. You have to have 100% conviction and steer conversations away from being reactionary to her 'Oh thats awesome your close with your family'. Most people around the world are close with their family. It's not rare at all. What you are communicating is you think she is awesome and are starry eyed. Is she asking anything about your family? No. Is she asking you about your motorbike, pet rock collection or exciting job? No.

    'When would be a good time to call you up?' is totally playing into her hand. She needs to be asking YOU that question. That's why texting is great. You don't have to wait to call her. You send a text saying that you are doing something awesome (then YOU are the awesome one). She can take it or leave it but you have clearly stated your excellent desirable virtues and on some level she won't be able to ignore that. It's her loss. In a way you have to show you have desirable strong successful genes through your intelligent conversation. She says she is busy with family, you say you are going to Bali.

    When she said 'to be honest I should let you know I am not sure if this is going to go much farther'(sic) it is all over. She did say she is 'not sure'...but you would have to pull a rabbit out of your hat to flip her back from her initial 'pre-selection'. If you have to move on just say 'ok, bye'. Delete her from your life. I like deleting girls. It drives many unresponsive or unsure girls straight back to me and gardens need weeding and pruning to look their best. All or nothing.

    Also I really like using what DirectIsBest described: holding her waist or back as you open a door for her or lead her somewhere. It's not only kino but a form or 'protecting' her that every girl likes.

  8. #8
    daffyff is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 565, Level: 11
    Level completed: 30%, Points required for next Level: 35
    Overall activity: 99.0%
    Achievements:
    500 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    near San Francisco, ca
    Posts
    82
    Points
    565
    Level
    11
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    30

    Default Re: "No spark" situation after first date

    Quote Originally Posted by BigRed View Post
    The only thing I can think that would cause this is that there wasn't any real kino during our date. We hugged at first and I would lightly touch her throughout but holding hands didn't occur. Looking back I would have definitely went for it but I didn't want her to be uncomfortable.
    I feel the same way about not wanting to be uncomfortable, and it stems from this idea in my head that touching is inappropriate. The thing is....it's totally ok to touch people during the course of a conversation. This fear around being inappropriate, of being thought of as a pervert, or even of making someone uncomfortable is really tough to get over. But you need to get over it, because honestly your goal is to touch her in far more intimate ways.

    I found that an easy, less "scary" way to kino is with your leg: your knee on her leg, or your thigh pressed against hers. And it's really easy to escalate from there too.


Similar Threads

  1. Regarding "Business and Pleasure," Situation with Former Client!
    By WebDude420 in forum General Questions
    Replies: 10
    Last Thread: 01-15-2016, 07:15 AM
  2. Replies: 6
    Last Thread: 09-22-2013, 06:07 PM
  3. I'm in a bit of an "awkward" situation at the moment
    By KingJokerPDX in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 01-09-2013, 01:49 AM
  4. How can i work Game into my "babysitting" situation???
    By 1984Padres in forum General Questions
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 05-10-2011, 05:41 PM
  5. Replies: 4
    Last Thread: 04-21-2011, 04:45 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com