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Thread: Help me with my depression

  1. #1
    ocantu1987 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Help me with my depression

    I have had problems with depression for a long time, the source of it comes from not having a girlfriend ever and the feeling that no girl ever gives me any IOI ever.

    I was doing okay the last few days, but all of sudden it came over me again at the gym. I want to get better guys, can anyone give me some tips? is it wrong to base your happiness on getting a girlfriend? any books?

    I feel like I need to take a break from going out and meeting women so i can work more on my inner game. Maybe try to make friends since I don't have any that want to hang out with me.

  2. #2
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Help me with my depression

    is it wrong to base your happiness on getting a girlfriend?
    yes.

    getting a girlfriend won't make you happy.

    if there's anything that every pua should here its this:

    getting woman won't bring you happiness, but happiness will help you to get woman.

    happiness comes from doing the things you love and enjoy.


    you have to learn to be happy on your own. don't allow other people to control your happiness.


    now then, there are some good ways to fight depression:

    remember the 4 e's

    exercise
    engage in activities/hobbies
    eat healthier
    explore the world outside of your home.

  3. #3
    rogerpaul1234 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help me with my depression

    Quote Originally Posted by ocantu1987 View Post
    I have had problems with depression for a long time, the source of it comes from not having a girlfriend ever and the feeling that no girl ever gives me any IOI ever.

    I was doing okay the last few days, but all of sudden it came over me again at the gym. I want to get better guys, can anyone give me some tips? is it wrong to base your happiness on getting a girlfriend? any books?

    I feel like I need to take a break from going out and meeting women so i can work more on my inner game. Maybe try to make friends since I don't have any that want to hang out with me.
    I can answer one of your questions

    "is it wrong to base your happiness on getting a girlfriend?"

    Absolutely, completely farking yes!!!!!"

    Believe me, I was in exactly your position for a long time, essentially from about 15 to 25 when I had my first long term relationship. I used to cry sometimes, alone in bed, when everyone else had a girl. I then believed that if only I got a girl everything in my life would change. Then I found one, but it did not change anything. After the initial euphoria, i realised that being in a relationship is a long set of compromises.

    A later relationship taught me that even if a girl falls for your alpha male attitude which you can do through PUA, or is circumstantial as mine was, she will leave you when you become beta. So in essence you have a paradox. You carve love and affection, but girls give that only to alpha males. As an alpha male you are happy in your own skin and don t need a girl's love to make you happy. Moreover, you can pick and choose. So why settle for one?

    Loneliness is terrible, but don t waste your life thinking that a gf will change all that. I did exactly that, and now, when I look back at those years I feel terrible. I should not have gone into an LTR and instead played the field.

    Essentially, you have low self esteem and that is a monster that will trick you into thinking that if you get a girl you will be happy. No, a girlfriend will not make you happy. After that I had two more long term relationships and the same thing happened. If you want to be a player, or if you want to learn PUA to get a particular girl, that is OK. Hell, I am still struggling with attracting women. I think that when you score you feel validated as a man, and therefore you are happy. Just don t think a girl will bring you happiness.

  4. #4
    daffyff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help me with my depression

    The big problem with depression is that it's a vicious negative feedback loop. When you're not being successful with women, you feel bad about yourself. When you feel bad about yourself, the things that usaully make you happy (hobbies, exercise, friends) aren't as effective at making you happy (or the effects aren't as long lasting). When you're not being active, you become less attractive to women, which of course leads to not being successful with women, which makes you feel more bad about yourself, etc.

    I realized about 2 days ago that's it's only been 6 weeks since i've gotten laid, but I'm still suffering from this as well. The one place where we have any real control in this cycle is the getting out and doing things. Maybe you can get help with this from a friend who is particularly positive and outgoing?

  5. #5
    ocantu1987 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Help me with my depression

    Thanks guys! I have been reading Mark Mansons "Models: Attract Women Through Honesty" and he says you must invest in yourself, name things you have always wanted to learn or do and do them, women do find men who are active attractive just like daffyff said. Wich totally makes sense to me. All I do is study pick up, play video games, workout. I can add more to that list lol. I barely get out of my house, there are a lot of books I want to read to better my self, I want to learn another language, I want to really take my workouts to the next level and build muscle.

  6. #6
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Help me with my depression

    he says you must invest in yourself, name things you have always wanted to learn or do and do them, women do find men who are active attractive just like daffyff said.
    this is some of the best advice for becoming who you want to be.

    know what you want and go for it. stay active and learn new things. invest in your own happiness.

  7. #7
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help me with my depression

    Meteora hit the nail on the head. I have struggled with depression for a long time, and truth me told I just started investing in my dreams and a decent career. I started back in school, found a better job to get me through and I'm constantly trying to find better work. School and work take up the entirety of my time almost, but I also started learning to play guitar and to be honest, I don't think much about women any more. I'm busy doing things to better myself, and that sense of accomplishment feels so good.

    I still get laid, not nearly as much as I used to when I was avidly practicing pickup, but hey who gives a shit. The bonus is that women tend to find the fact I work so hard chasing my dreams and that I have a plan to be very attractive. The bottom line is that if you accomplish you will feel better.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  8. #8
    Carter21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help me with my depression

    The desire for sex is hardwired into our brains. Some people would go so far as to argue that reproduction is our evolutionary purpose. So naturally, if we are failing to acheive success with girls, its going to have a strong impact on us. This is why I (slightly) disagree with Meteora and Roger. While it would be great to not get depressed over failures with women, the way our brains are configured makes this extremely difficult, and its not something we have control over. Thats why I don't think you can tell someone, "Don't let a lack of girls affect your happiness". The desire for them is part of who we are. So I think that instead of trying to accept the problem but limit how it affects you, the smarter solution is to actually *fix* it. Therefore, I would examine why it is that you're not getting attractive girls, and figure out what you can do to change that,

    Now, will getting a girl fix your depression? Depends. If the ONLY thing you get depressed over is the lack of women, then it should. But if you're a pessimistic person in general, or you're insecure about several things in your life other than girls, then getting a girl will help *provided* that she's a fun, upbeat person that you love being around. If you find a girl thats great for you, she'll be able to encourage you, cheer you up when you're upset, and make you a happier person overall. However, if she's not that great, or you're not going for a relationship and just want girls for sex, then your condition will not improve if you are a naturally pessimistic person. If thats the case, there are a number of books, websites, articles, etc, that can help you, and these aren't hard to find.

    Two final things: Yes, do try and get more friends in general. If you do get a gf, you don't want her wondering why she's the only person you're cool with. Friends can also introduce you to girls themselves, bypassing cold approach.

    Second, pursuing women and improving yourself (as suggested by previous posters) are not mutually exclusive.

  9. #9
    SCooper2031 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help me with my depression

    Lot of things to help depression. Do you do cardio at the gym? If not, start doin more aerobic exercises, that'll help. Eat fruits, juice, vegetables. Pomegranate juce is great for that, but its a bit pricey. A multi-vitamin everyday as well. Also look for the thread I posted on power posing, it'll help with confidence

    Realize depression is chemical, what you eat will effect it. Also what you do. Your mind controls your body, but your body also controls your mind. If you go out and do things, you wont be depressed. And do things women do too. Take a dance or art class, yoga, learn an instrument. Focus on just expanding yourself as a person, and I promise you'll feel better about yourself. Women are attracted to men with a purpose. So if you focus on doing things to improve yourself rather than getting girls, women will notice and come to you.

  10. #10
    kylemc is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Help me with my depression

    It may or maybe not be any help to you but whenever I get what you're feeling I force myself to smile it doesn't matter where I am as long as I smile my mood changes dramatically another thing that helps me out is just listening to my favorite song or chilled out music either of the two work for me hopefully they'll have some effect on you
    "A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything" - Malcom X


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