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  • 1 Post By fredyyy
  • 1 Post By whitedragon

Thread: questions about the money you pay on dates....Advice is needed please!

  1. #1
    fredyyy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default questions about the money you pay on dates....Advice is needed please!

    so I'm going with this girl on a 3rd date. The first time she came with her friend and I paid on both of them. The second time we hanged out, we went out and I paid for food and drinks. I don't mind paying for the third date, but at the same time I want to make sure that she's not using me. I'm student, and I'm not rich, but if this girl truly likes me she wouldn't care about how much I'm paying. so I want to test her. What do you guys suggest me to do to make sure she's not using me for money and make her pay without coming across stingy?

    Also, how would you respond if a girl told you, "oh I don't have my credit card" (That's ofcourse a bullshit excuse)? will you act as a gentelman and pay or you would just call her out on it and tell her that's a b.s. lol

    Another important question, do you guys pay for you date and her friend if the bill more than $40(considering that you're not rich and you don't make a lot of money)?

    thank you for reading and I hope this post will help everyone

  2. #2
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: questions about the money you pay on dates....Advice is needed please!

    Have you kissed her yet? If not third date should definately be a kiss close no matter what. Kiss her early and don't worry about the money. She should have paid last time or split the bill when her friend was there, although having her friend along is tricky because its often a form of testing you. Take her somewhere that doesn't cost much like out for a coffee or a quick drink. Forget dinner. Let her lead that if she gets hungry. In fact many times when Im out with a girl having a drink, we talk so much, dinner just gets in the way. Or eat before you meet her and if she gets hungry later suggesting dinner, say you've already eaten or had a late lunch. Then it becomes her responsibility. You should focus on leading the physical endeavours. Just kiss her after a beverage or too. Bring it to a boil or you'll be stuck in the same loop with date No.4. If she doesn't want to kiss you, she is using you, otherwise she would not make an effort to go out with you a 3rd time.

    If you want her to pay you could either bring it up playfully 'Oh I paid last two times, so tonight is your shout right? Waiter! Gimmie a glass of your best white wine!' or matter of factly 'Waiter can we split the bill please, thanks'. Don't make it a serious issue. If she brings it up 'you're not going to pay?' tease her 'What am I, a bank?'. Concentrate on physical escalation and having fun. If you kiss her early enough (it is date 3 after all) then you can make a better decision about paying later (e.g. if she kisses you may not feel so bad about paying, if she rejects kiss, she pays and you say 'Oh I seem to have forgotten my credit card '.

    I'm not one of those type of guys that always gets girls to buy me drinks as PUA game as IMO its too much hassle for what its worth. I would simply not take a girl on first dates that cost more than $40 unless I actually wanted to eat somewhere nice for myself. I just don't spend much money and concentrate on the mental and physical side of things. Especially if you're a student. Again I will be so engrossed in conversation and building attraction I am hardly interested in food. Quick lunch, coffee, drink, ask over to watch movie, kiss, etc. Can you ask her over for a movie? If a girl puts effort into seeing you a third time its almost gauranteed she is interested, unless she is using you. That way you don't even have to leave your house to find out. She will have to make the effort to come over or concede she is using you.

  3. #3
    fredyyy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: questions about the money you pay on dates....Advice is needed please!

    Your reply was very useful and interesting to read! Actually last date, we were kissing a lot, so I'm not worried about the interaction and the fun vibe. I'm just concerned about the budget lol. I wish i was living my myself, I would definitely invite her over, and I'll be done from all the confusion.

    What would you do if your date brought her friend on the next date because she mentioned that she wants to introduce me to her friend?

  4. #4
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: questions about the money you pay on dates....Advice is needed please!

    I feel for you bro ..... I'm lucky that I'm older and make a very good living so money is not an issue, but I remember my college days and not having two nickels to rub together. Now, I think you have performed well and paying for her and her friend was a real good move, you've got to get in good with the friends,but if you do that a couple of times it can get expensive, so remember there are things that are fun that are inexpensive or free. You can go rollerblading in the park or to the beach, or go to the mall, or go grab a slice as pizza or coffee at Starbucks ... it takes a little though and maybe a Google search but you can find lots of things like that. Good Luck

  5. #5
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    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: questions about the money you pay on dates....Advice is needed please!

    the thing to do is always split the bill.

    if you buy drinks, have her buy a round.

    if you're out for dinner get separate bills.

    if buy dinner, have her get it next time.

    if she complains about it, then you call her out on that sh!t, tell her "I thought you were all for equal rights, that means equal bills too you know "

    if she refused to pay separately or tells you an excuse like, she didn't bring any money, then tell her "I guess that means you'll be washing dishes to pay for your meal"

    gold diggers are a real threat to your financial well being. you can't be handing out money like its candy at a parade.

  6. #6
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: questions about the money you pay on dates....Advice is needed please!

    Quote Originally Posted by fredyyy View Post
    so I'm going with this girl on a 3rd date. The first time she came with her friend and I paid on both of them. The second time we hanged out, we went out and I paid for food and drinks. I don't mind paying for the third date, but at the same time I want to make sure that she's not using me.
    why didn't she and her friend pay for themselves on the first date? did she really forget her card on the 2nd date? i think you need to ask yourself some serious questions here or explain it a bit more to me at least. i have suspicions that you're just being played--and if you are it's all a sh1ttest. if i'm paying for her & her friend on the first date then i'd better be getting at least a lot of kino from her or too much fun that it's going to be hard to sleep. which i have done before and have payed for those meals--because i value some of those relationships WITH FRIENDS.

    a girl that i'm gaming and not quite friends yet i've bought her drinks & a meal the first time because i ended up giving her bad directions (mostly because i'm new to the town i just moved to)--then she came over to my place and i bough some wine so we could be social. the 2nd time she came over she hadn't eaten and i was not going to buy her lunch because i told her i wasn't planning to eat lunch... so we ended up going to the market and grabbing some stuff--that she paid for. obviously i had some of it because she didn't want to feel like a fat a$$---with that said you should eat enough to not be hungry on your dates--always make the girl feel like she's eating way too much. why do this? because then she's self conscious about what she's doing, eating and not contributing to the conversation enough with you. this makes you control the frame much easier because you're focused on the conversation--unless you both are already comfortable with each other. if anything--do more drinking to the point where your walls come down and you're more focused on having a great time instead of bloating yourself with food.

    getting back to the bill, i think your best bet is to say what the other guys are saying about how this is her turn for paying for the bill. it's important so now you two can establish a relationship of trust between two people who know better than to take advantage of someone. with this said--i suggest you take my advice from the previous paragraph because she's not going to be really paying for a full meal from you--if anything a light salad or dessert and booze while she's eating a meal that will make her feel like a fat a$$ and insecure. as she's more apparently insecure you now can kino, flirt with her and make her feel more comfortable so you can move in a kiss to change the mood about her insecurities to helping her acknowledge that she's cute when she's insecure and that she doesn't have to hide it.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  7. #7
    fredyyy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: questions about the money you pay on dates....Advice is needed please!

    hahaha meteora your responses well hilarious!!

    Thank you ALL!!! you guys really answered my question, and I can tell all of you are expert and have a lot of experience in the topic

  8. #8
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: questions about the money you pay on dates....Advice is needed please!

    Quote Originally Posted by fredyyy View Post
    What would you do if your date brought her friend on the next date because she mentioned that she wants to introduce me to her friend?
    Try push that towards a bigger group meetup with your friends along too. Like all going to see a concert or having university night drinks. Then you all split bills. Early in dating I can sometimes understand a girl bringing along a friend for 'verification' but then it should really be about just you and her after that. If she wanted to introduce you to her friends its not a bad sign but should be done as a group. Otherwise.... 2's company, 3 is a crowd on 'dates'. Unless she wants a 3-some.

    Normally I have found with good relationships the girl will often instigate some of the dates and 'pay you back'. If she is not doing anything at all it is something to consider long term.


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