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  1. #1
    afcsupreme is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Chat log with HB I dated (Long post, if you're looking for a read))

    Back in May I separated from a girl I was dating (Let's call her K), we were at the same uni, she was a year above me, and when she graduated she didn't want to keep things going because it would be too difficult/long distance is hard to bear (she's an international student). We both still had attraction for each other though, was the tough part. Anyway, I thought it was a done deal since she had said no about 1.5 months ago, and was in the process of moving on and improving myself.

    Randomly, 100% randomly, I saw her yesterday on the bus at uni, and we talked for a bit. She was excited and was touching me frequently. I decided to play it cool, and lo and behold she messaged me. I need some advice - I want to get in an LDR with her; I'll have more specific questions after the log, but the major things I'm curious about are 1. Is there anything I could've improved in my messaging game? 2. I want to meet her, how can I best go about this?

    Message log follows (names have been changed/ommitted):

    Her

    haha that was funny
    how are you? i hope all is well
    Her
    afcsupreme?
    Me
    hey sawp was at breakfast/lunch
    ya u just randomly get on my bus, wdf
    Her
    yeah tf
    wtf
    Me
    get your recommendation?
    was it from a cs professor
    Her
    no
    from my math and AMES prof
    you were the last person I was hoping to see today
    but i am glad i saw you anyway
    Me
    o rly
    Her
    yes
    Me
    do i scare you K
    Her
    um, yes you do
    Me
    i am quite intimidating ppl tell me
    Her
    that's so not the reason
    Me
    its quite funny, i usually get off at the stop u got on
    but on mondays i like to swing my the hospital
    by*
    Her
    okay, that's for the info
    *thanks
    Me
    always willing to share mah knowledge
    Her
    also, i don't want to go back to talking to you
    also stop putting weird gifs
    they are not funny at all
    Me
    omg stahp looking at my gifs, they are personal
    Her
    yeah right
    btw
    US student is rescued from giant vagina sculpture in Germany | World news | The Guardian
    Me
    omg
    i am at work K
    i cant be clicking on nsfw links
    Her
    hahaha
    Me
    u tryin to get me fired
    Her
    yep
    Me
    what if someone walked in
    dat was close, whew
    need to install a internet filter for chats with K, mental note
    Her
    hahahaah
    goodluck with that
    okay i am not talking to you
    this is my second last sentence
    Me
    kay
    later K
    Her
    there's not later
    we can't be talking
    *no
    this is it for a few years
    we should resume our conversation in 2017
    Me
    haha, you got it all planned out
    dun think about me too much babe
    Her
    please i don't okay
    Me
    mk mk
    good seein ya today
    pz

    (In the evening, about 6-7 hours later)
    *If you're curious, the image we were discussing was this btw haha:* What a twist. - Imgur

    Her
    i don't understand your gif
    Me
    eyoo
    *checks calendar*
    2017 is here already
    O_O
    >_>
    time travel 2gud
    Her
    ..
    Me
    u ever seen unbreakable
    or sixth sense
    Her
    nope
    Me
    know who m night shyamalan is
    pls
    Her
    haha
    yeah i know who he is
    Me
    iiii don't think u do
    da joke was lost on u
    Her
    i dont understand
    okay don't tell me
    Me
    explaining loses the magic ;_;
    meditate on it and maybe u discover
    Her
    just admit that you suck at explainin
    Me
    u right, im bad at 'splaining
    soz
    Her
    soz?
    what are you learning these days
    staph
    mk
    pz
    Me
    Lool
    please dont use my terms
    i have them patented
    Her
    soz is sorry?
    Me
    bingo
    how are things btw? you went to canada this summer right
    Her
    no i didn't my grandpa did
    he is leaving for KTM next week
    Me
    o i c
    Her
    are you going home this summer?
    Me
    mhm
    Her
    mhm
    wtf is that?
    hmm
    ?
    Me
    we have had this discussion before K
    say it aloud
    Her
    i forget
    Me
    'mhm'
    Her
    it's hmm
    Me
    >_>
    *m*hm
    Her
    okay i think i will just remove you from my gchat list
    because everytime i see i feel like talking
    *you online
    and it sucks
    Me
    hmm
    Her
    hope you understand
    Me
    why doz it suck
    Her
    i don't know it just sucks
    Me
    i know i can be intimidating but i feel like we know each other
    Her
    it's not about intimidation afcsupreme
    Me
    >_>
    Her
    of course i am not intimidated by you
    Me
    im jk lol
    Her
    like seriously you thought that i was!?
    O_O
    i am just saying it just sucks
    and you suck
    Me
    ;___;
    kayy
    i sook
    when are you headin back?
    did you get your OPT thing figured out
    or w.e. the thing u needed was
    Her
    mid-july but i will be back in august
    no, that
    that's part of the reason why i can't get the fark out of this country
    Me
    LOL
    Her
    okay i am done talking to you
    i am going to be on campus next week
    if you see just ignore
    Me
    hm
    Her
    and act like you don't know me
    *me
    Me
    hmmmm
    im about to head back home for the night, but i got a few mins
    wanna talk
    Her
    i think i just said no
    Me
    dat was for gchat
    Her
    and i am about to block you
    Me
    u got skype right? lets chat for a bit
    Her
    why are you heading back this late
    Me
    cuz im da best
    and cause i got in at 1pm >_>
    add me, im
    (my skype name)
    Her
    hahaahah
    for real? *Dunno if this was responding to me coming in at 1pm, or us talking ._.*
    no we are not talking afcsupreme
    you are the last person i want to think about
    Me
    haha aite
    seemed like u wanted to chat, mightve been fun
    Her
    so are you taking the bus?
    how are you heading back?
    Me
    the legendary van service
    they are so badass
    Her
    okay be safe
    not everyone is a badass like you
    Me
    i try to inspire others to be da best they can be
    who are you staying with
    Her
    sure
    Me
    im assuming ur crashing with some1
    Her
    no i am staying with my aunt
    but i usually hang out at my friend's place
    Me
    your aunt lives in the U.S.?
    thats cool
    Her
    my gramps staying with her
    *2 min time gap*
    okay, good bye?
    Me
    yup, guess so
    Her
    take care
    Me
    mhm
    Her
    hmm
    Me
    good talkin wit ya
    figure out the shyamalan thing
    Her

    ~~~~~*END*~~~~~~

    Soo, those were our conversations yesterday. What do I want from this girl, you might ask? Basically, I want to meet up with her again since she's around this summer, and I at least want to propose trying out an LDR with her. That's one thing I didn't make clear when I initially proposed it, I framed it as like a permanent thing she would have to commit to. I want to suggest 'trying things out' for a little while, and if it's not working out, we can separate as was originally. If you're wondering about our prior physical escalation (might be relevant, dunno), we went as far as petting, but no sex.

    From what I can tell, my guess is she's still attracted, but is still conflicted because she'll be returning home in a month or so. What I don't know is whether she would be receptive to a meetup - she didn't want to skype voice call with me yesterday. She told me that she'd be on campus next week though, and I'm not sure why she'd mention that if she really wanted to avoid me. What do y'all think? How can I best go about arranging a meetup?

    Also, anything I could've done better in my messaging game? I thought I responded to her tests well in our first conversation by being unaffected by what she was sayin (though it did sting at the time >_> but thanks to PUA training I could hold my confidence. I owe it to you guys.), but I don't think I conveyed my intent (which I mentioned above) well in the second convo. I dunno if she's blocked me on our chat service haha, but I can contact her other ways, so thats not a problem if I need to get in touch.

    Keeping in mind that she's already said no to an LDR once, I want to be careful before I try again. But it seems to me that the attraction is still there and strong. But perhaps I'm overthinking this? Maybe i should consider moving on? Do I wait for her to initiate once again (idk, i feel like I need to initiate first this time)? I want to meet up with her though - any advice for this situation would be much appreciated y'all.

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Chat log with HB I dated (Long post, if you're looking for a read))

    your best bet is to keep the same frame you do have with your text conversation. you hold yourself pretty well in not really falling back and letting her chase you. what you really have going for you that works well is that she's having fun talking to you even though she's being honest that would normally throw off most guys. when you keep talking to her--try to make it a point that you're just looking to hang out and have a good time. don't make it about going on a date or anything that seems like a relationship right off the back. instead take the ninja approach and make it about not being lonely going to events, dinners, parties or needing her personal opinion about something in person before she leaves. if you have mutual friends make an event that everyone can goto--make it about hanging out because everyone's going to be going off and doing things anyways. make it about enjoying the summer as you still got it. the more that you can do this the more that it's less pressure about getting back together with K.

    what states the obvious to me is that she isn't looking for anything heavy in commitments. you haven't played that card yet--so personally i believe you have the opportunity to be called upon when she comes back. she enjoys the conversations that's for sure. she hasn't put you into a creepy guy category yet. i think where you are if you could meet up with her and hang out with her with your current frame i don't see why you wouldn't be able to kiss close.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    afcsupreme is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Chat log with HB I dated (Long post, if you're looking for a read))

    @artandale, thanks for the advice.

    After these chat messages, we ended up emailing each other a few times. We're both big soccer/football fans, so I invited her to watch a game: "(Mutual friend) and I usually watch the games on (our college's university center's) TV; there's often a crowd, it gets pretty hype. You should join us for the Ro16 matches when you're on campus!"

    In that particular email, there was another conversation thread going (also related to the world cup). She replied (rather enthusiastically) to the other conversation thread, but made no comment on my invite to hang out, pretty much ignoring it, is what I'm guessing.

    Since then, we've sent a few messages back and forth, and she seems happy to talk to me, but based on her not responding to the invite at all (not a yes or even a no, both of which I would've been prepared for >_>), I think she either really doesn't want to meet up and doesn't want to say so in order to not hurt my feelings, or she's just extremely torn and can't decide yet.

    I'm thinking of sending her a specific time when our mutual friend and myself are watching the game, and she if she wants to join, e.g. "Yo we're catching the France/Nigeria match on Monday, wanna come hang out? If you're not interested, no worries."

    ^Does the above message sound ok? Should I cut the "If you're not interested, no worries" bit (I think it might imply expecting a denial)? Is sending another ping message the right move?

  4. #4
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Chat log with HB I dated (Long post, if you're looking for a read))

    i think that's fine. if you're looking for other variations try...

    "monday --France / Nigeria, BYOB (or something about bringing something that makes it seem like everyone's bringing something to the party, by saying this you're making it less of a datey situation)"

    what you want to do with your words is much like kino which is assume everything is green until it's red. assume she's heard it and that she's coming. this way when you are there to remind her she's got the opportunity to tell you she isn't coming or isn't interested. this way she's got to make a decision--and every time you talk about the event at hand she's got the opportunity to cancel without any risk. as i do this it also helps me gauge how receptive and responsible a person is. i do it with all of my friends. if they don't tell me 'no' then it's not my fault. i have my own integrity and i don't hide my thoughts to my closest friends whom i try to hang out often with.

    assuming the lights are green and everything is a go allows better chances of people to naturally go with the flow. if i'm hanging out with my friends for a few hours and it's getting close to a meal time i'll tell them i'm getting hungry and ask if they wanna go eat--then we pick a place to go eat and go. once i've announced that i'm hungry i've pretty much stated i'm going to eat. i assume they know that it's an offer that they can tag along--all they have to do is tell me they don't want to go with me and we can call it a day. no big deal. this is exactly how you should react when she doesn't want to join you. none of you have spent money on hanging out or sacrificed certain things--nothing gained nothing lost.

    i should also mention is she doesn't tell you she isn't going or isn't interested and doesn't show up but always talks to you leading up to the event then your instinct was right on about wasting your time with her. maybe change your approach and be direct and ask her out instead of asking for so much comfort.

    i would also recommend planning ahead for another event as you get closer to this event. the more you have things some what planned ahead to goto the more she feels like you really are an interesting person whose got a good idea of a good time and hangs out. if she's not interested then it's clear that your approach should change to being more direct.

    your goal is to get her in a comfortable scenario and then to approach and escalate to the appropriate situation. obviously if your friends are around you can't really go in and kino escalate beyond a kiss but you'll be able to gauge her a lot more and have an opportunity to be direct. if it's at your place, later show her something in your room and see about a kiss close.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.


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