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  • 1 Post By meteora

Thread: Girl with dysfunctional BF stands me up. How do I react?

  1. #1
    rogerpaul1234 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Girl with dysfunctional BF stands me up. How do I react?

    Hi,

    Met this HB5 through a friend. Has a dysfunctional boyfriend, guy wants to see other girls, she wants something different but they live together and she I guess is still in love with him. She invited me out, I refused (principle of managing my own time) then about three days later invited her out to a picnic in the park, ran BF destroyer pattern, strawberry fields, and cube. Tiny cube, no fence around the strawberry field, I think she is an easy lay but does not have any self confidence. She confirmed the self confidence part. There was some Kino, mostly comfort, brief hand holding. She told me she was looking for a different and exciting relationship.
    Invited her out to a concert on text, she agreed send me a kiss, stood me up an hour before with a text message that her bf has a free weekend and she wants to be with him, and that we could meet up perhaps tomorrow. How do I react?

    Send a message saying that the next time she cancels she should do it several hours before so that I can invite someone else?

    Ignore her, wait for her to invite me and then say I am busy? After that, invite her when I feel like it?

    Wait for her to invite me and then go?


    Thanks for any help. Will file field report. Was looking forward to a kiss close, but alone on a Sat night

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Girl with dysfunctional BF stands me up. How do I react?

    If you think she's worth it keep being friendly and inviting. If you don't just be friendly. Honestly it sounds like she's got a funny situation. One that shouldn't be you chasing her--if she wants something from you--be quick about your actions because she seems to be making this guy a priority in her life. So if se wants to have sex-make it easy where nothing can go wrong and everything happens sooner and faster and escalate early so she knows. By then its also up to her to not put you through pain and turmoil. You can play the victim if you want but its not going to do you any good. Same with freezing out. Sounds like she already stated the guy changed his mind about something and responded to it.

    My opinion about what you should do is let her know that its not fair for you to be treated poorly. Acknowledge that she has a BF and they both have feelings but she should feel responsible tok for putting you into this situation with your own vulnerable feelings. If you do decide to talk to her about this be clear that it wasn't easy for you to open up to her because of your principles. If she discards it as if her relationship is more important to her than being an honest and respectful person them theres a really good chance shes not worth your time because she isnt respecting you.

    If she continues to have a crappy relationship with that guy--let her chase you with apologies and preload her so she can work to qualify herself to you because she messed up. You have to give yourself some value here. Im not saying be mean or cruel to getting respect but she should know that you aren't just some other guy. You're not the one with forcing her into the situation.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
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    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Girl with dysfunctional BF stands me up. How do I react?

    she agreed send me a kiss, stood me up an hour before with a text message that her bf has a free weekend and she wants to be with him, and that we could meet up perhaps tomorrow. How do I react?
    simple, don't react. don't let it bother you. she's not all that attractive anyways (you said she was an hb5)

    I think she is an easy lay but does not have any self confidence. She confirmed the self confidence part.
    uh oh, I wouldn't look at her as an easey lay. girls with low self esteem can actually be more difficult than the confident ones. they're always thinking things like "how could this guy be attracted to me? maybe he's faking it" they will often miss your ioi's or feel like they don't deserve your interest when they notice your ioi's.

    honestly, if your just looking for a fark buddy, you should go after some of the more confident girls, you don't want to damage this girls self esteem even more than people already have.

    if you think its worth it, then tread lightly, but personally I trie to avoid damaged girls because they can be a lot of hassle and its too easey to damage them even more.

    btw, I'm not a big fan of the boyfriend destroyer, while it can work, it usually doesn't unless she genuinely doesn't want her boyfriend anymore and is in the process of leaving him.

  4. #4
    rogerpaul1234 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Girl with dysfunctional BF stands me up. How do I react?

    thank you so much for the advice. I ll ignore her for a while, and then invite her out with friends or something, or to an house party that we are having.
    Just to clarify, I based the "easy to have sex" based on the fact that there was no fence around the strawberry fields and that the farmer had accepted the fact that his strawberries were taken with a grin.
    She herself told me that she was in a dysfunctional relationship and that she was looking for someone new.

  5. #5
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: Girl with dysfunctional BF stands me up. How do I react?

    Ignore would be the wrong be the wrong advice... Try busy
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.


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