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  • 1 Post By artandale

Thread: She asks to be my girlfriend multiple times then she changes her mind

  1. #1
    OG_PlMP is offline PUA in Training
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    Default She asks to be my girlfriend multiple times then she changes her mind

    So my FWB/open relationship girl and I have been getting more serious lately. We've both stopped seeing other people other than random hookups. We've been dating for close to a year. The past month or so she keeps asking why I dont ask her to be my girlfriend. I avoided it for a few weeks because I wasn't sure I was ready for that commitment but finally told her I want to be in a relationship. She agreed.

    No less than 1 week later (saw her maybe 3 times that week, treated her exactly the same as before we labeled it) she tells me she doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship but instead just keep things open like they were before. She tells me that she doesn't want to get hurt. I played it off saying "that's cool. We've got a good thing going now so no reason to change things". I only half-believe her excuse. I think she wants to continue to hook up with/possibly date other guys at the same time as me.

    As for my question here, I still want an exclusive relationship but I'm not going to push it. I'm assuming I shouldn't be the one to bring it up first from here on out since it didn't work out last time. I'm pretty sure at some point she's gonna bring it up again that she wants to be my girlfriend, how should I respond? Of course I want this but I don't want to come off as a pushover. Any advice?

  2. #2
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She asks to be my girlfriend multiple times then she changes her mind

    Sounds like you both know what you want. Not sure what she defines a relationship as--talk to her about it. You can't expect her to know what you're thinking. If shes lookong for emotional support for a relationship while seeing other guys but with you--you need to ask yourself if this is something you're ready for and if she's worth this amount of effort especially if this is completely new to you. You have to be clear with your intentions. Your idea of a relationship is probably different than hers. You need to figure out if you both are goin to go with the flow or make compromises.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She asks to be my girlfriend multiple times then she changes her mind

    In my experience a good relationship starts as a good relationship. Trying to go from FWB to an exclusive relationship is fairly difficult and has poor foundations to stand the test of time.

    Everyone is always ready for a great relationship if you meet the right person. Maybe you'll find it with her but I suggest you will find something even better down the track with someone new. There is an obvious longing for more than just the physical aspects and this is what makes FWB difficult situations to be in, define or get out of. There will always be trust issues and to me it sounds like you actually both DON"T know what you want judging by the lack of strength in making decisions.

    There is no free lunch. If she asks to be your girlfriend and you want it then say so but be prepared for that house of cards to collapse.

  4. #4
    daffyff is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: She asks to be my girlfriend multiple times then she changes her mind

    How did you get her to be your FWB? My guess is that you wanted that kind of relationship with her, and you had the balls to ask for it. This is pretty much the basis for PUA: develop yourself to be a man that knows what he wants, and to know how to get it.

    To artandale's point, you need to figure out what you want, and more importantly why you want it. If you want to move this forward with this girl because you don't think you can do any better or don't want to risk losing an easy lay....these are bad reasons. If you genuinely enjoy her company and wish to connect on a deeper, more substantial level, then go for it.

    Lastly, why are you allowing her to take control of this? Chances are this was something of a sh1ttest from her to see if you were committed, especially being that you didn't treat her any differently. And being that women are the most indirect creatures in existence, this was how she was figuring out if things were different.

    To answer your question, I don't think you should wait for her to ask if you want her to be your girlfriend. You should initiate with figuring out what her idea of a girlfriend is like artandale said. If you want it to continue as is, don't say anything of course. If she asks again, tell her no, she's too indecisive.


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