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Thread: Great Beginning Turns Into Strange Encounter. Help!

  1. #1
    Hutch is offline PUA in Training
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    Question Great Beginning Turns Into Strange Encounter. Help!

    So I work at Starbucks. A girl came in last night who was pretty cute. We hit it off and she sits down in the cafe to study. I was closing the store (working 2-1030pm) so she was there from about 5pm on. At the end of the night, around 10 o'clock before we close the store to customers and finish up, she comes up to the counter and buys some cheap food and I could tell she wanted me to ask for her number or hang out. I wasn't really feeling it (Idk why) so I let it go.

    She came in AGAIN tonight except she was realllly pretty. Her hair was all done up and she looked really hot. Same thing happened except on my break I sat down next to her, and used the question:"White or Red?"
    Her: Uhm, red!
    Me: Funny, I wouldn't have pegged you for a red wine kind of girl.
    Her: Oh, yeah I love red wine! But the tiniest amount gets me drunk and then I fall asleep.
    I then segued into astronomy and looking at stars through telescopes on a beautiful night like tonight. I ask her if she'd like to come over and hang out in my backyard patio since it's so nice out. She says she will pass on the wine but would love to hang out on my patio.

    She actually waited outside at one of our tables for me on her laptop doing homework until I got out - we even got out a few minutes late on account of me flirting with her. I then sit with her, and she tells me this ONE math problem she's doing is going to take her all night and it's due tomorrow so she can't really hang out. She says why don't we go for a walk, to which I reply, "Okay like at a park?", "No right here."

    ... For the next 45 minutes we literally walked around the perimeter sidewalk and street of my store, getting to know each other and trading stories. I asked her what perfume that was and as I went to smell her hair, she kinda giggled but backed her face away. So I know that wasn't good but considering earlier on, plus what I can do now, maybe I could warm her up while we walk. But then at the end of the interaction, the usual supply truck came to stock our store around 11:30 and was about to block her car in so she had to go. The goodbye was a little awkward because I felt like she turned down my patio offer because she somehow felt threatened by me, plus the truck was backing in so she really had to go. Besides not asking her if she'd like to continue the convo back at my place, I don't know where I went wrong - especially the part in between me asking her to come over, and then shortly after meeting her outside after we closed the store.

    Even though she has 3 courses left in grad school, I felt like the math problem was an obvious test for me to overcome. She told me during our walk that she lives in her car to not pay rent or "step on the lives" of her parents... so I thought maybe she felt threatened and vulnerable not living under her parents' roof? I don't know the interaction is all very weird to me because it went from very obvious and almost effortless IOIs on her part to this "one-step-backward" feeling when she changed her mind. When we can finally have alone time she wants to walk around the outside of my store in circles? What kind of fun is that? That's some weird shit right there. Thoughts ya'll?

  2. #2
    CapPickup is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Great Beginning Turns Into Strange Encounter. Help!

    I like your opener, very random which is good.

    How long does she have to wait? The thing here is that when women are left alone (when you're no longer in presence) they start rationalizing things, their logical mind starts to click in. Then before you know it she's thinking that she'll look like a slut if she does this or that.

    When you asked: "like at a park?" You were sucked into her reality, she was the one leading.

    You can parry this by making a counter offer or diverting her attention to something else.

    i.e.
    Her: I have this one math problem bla bla bla bla how bout we go for a walk?

    YOU:
    1.)I don't like walking with strangers *smile* let's go ice skating!
    OR
    2.) How old are you? (This will mind fark her, she will go "Why is he asking me that? What is he planning? blablabla then bam! you divert it again)
    You: How old are you?
    Her: bla bla
    You: Interesting. Do you like penguins?
    Her: What the fark? ummm i think they're cute.
    You: I hate penguins. They're such brutal creatures. bla bla

    just continue talking and make really strong eye contact. These dumb questions won't work unless you have strong eye contact.

    Then finally after a while PULL.
    You: (Take her hand) C'mon let's go
    Her: Where?
    You: Vegas
    Her: What noooo! why are we going to vegas.
    You: We're getting married Cmon!

    Now you can walk for a bit then lead her straight to your patio. If she hesitates tell her

    "Hey! no shut up! don't ruin this beautiful moment! You're ruining it!"
    "When's the last time you had an adventure?"

    You can say anything you want but always lead.

    When she backed away she probably thought you were going in for the kill. You should've teased/punished her for that.
    "Whoa easy there girl, I'm not gonna kiss you yet, dork *smile*

    There's nothing wrong about asking her to come over to your place, i think you could have done better but nevertheless there's nothing wrong about that.

    The only wrong thing you did was you let her LEAD.

    I wish the best to your endeavors Monsieur Hutch.

  3. #3
    Hutch is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Great Beginning Turns Into Strange Encounter. Help!

    Okay great that all makes sense. She had to wait about a half hour. I'm coming out of a long funk of not doing pretty much anything social, so I can tell I'm super rusty but at least I'm not completely socially retarded. The playful flirting and banter you mentioned like, "Whoa slow down I'm not trying to kiss you yet you dork" definitely needs to be worked on. Do you know of any sources or programs that deal specifically with this kind of playful, verbal flirting? I think my verbal game needs more spontaneity and lines like those feel like they dial it up a bit.

    Despite what happened I actually got a pretty big confidence boost just from knowing what I am capable of doing... at least for now. My skills will come back to me as my confidence grows. I'll probably see her again there tonight which I feel like would be more awkward than opportunistic-- but I'll try to convince myself everything's fine, who gives a shit, and if I dial it up then maybe it will be a better interaction. Plus I'm going away for 10 days so "Tonight's the only night I'll be around" might be good, no? Kind of like those bits guys do when they're traveling and from out-of-town.

    The only other question I have is, if I'm to lead her back to my place, she has to drive her own car from my work over there which is about 10-15 minutes. Seems even to me kind of awkward to do that when you've just met someone, plus she's in a separate car so like you said, I fear she might start logically calculating everything and slam the brakes (pun intended). Maybe I could just offer to drive her over and then bring her back to her car, but is there any other way to overcome any backpedaling she might do on a car ride back to my place in two separate cars?

    Thank you so much for the response btw. I was stumped as to why she changed her mind, and because she did I thought to myself, "Oh shit maybe she feels threatened? I hope I didn't come off as a creep." It kind of set me back for a little bit thinking that she could possibly be trying to just walk me around until nothing happens or trying to screen me.

  4. #4
    CapPickup is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Great Beginning Turns Into Strange Encounter. Help!

    Rule of thumb: "It's not awkward unless you think it's awkward"

    Just lead her into your car. If she resists just give her some dumb reason. Tell her "it's okay, it's gonna be alright I'm wearing blue" and if she's like "What???" go "Stop ruining the moment! Let's go" Try to keep overriding her mind before she could think logically.

    orrrr..

    Just ride with her. It's simpler and she'll feel more comfortable. Just don't ride in two cars. A lot could happen in 15minutes, her bestfriend could call and talk her out of it or something like that.

    About the verbal flirting, hmmmm, that's a good question. Try watching movies like Top Gun,observe Maverick's body language, and TV series like PSYCH and watch Shawn's comebacks just to get an idea of that witty vibe. Verbal flirting is pretty easy though once you get the hang of it, it's basically just ASSUMING ATTRACTION in a funny way.


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