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Thread: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

  1. #11
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    I second T-Mal on this. She already knows you don't like it, so she lies about it. She portrays you as a douche to your friends. She is who she is, and you shouldn't have to "fix" her though you feel the need. I used to be engaged to a gambling addict, and it wrecked me financially, emotionally and physically. I ended up leaving her over it after years of trying to "fix" her.

    Bottom line, you can't force a square peg through a round hole, unless you make some concessions such as a smaller peg or a bigger hole.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  2. #12
    Fire Eater is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    You shouldn't have gone through her phone as that is an invasion of privacy and breach of trust. Telling her you did is an equally bad idea as she won't take that well.

    If one feels like a bad person for doing something, then one shouldn't be doing it. She could be telling you that it makes her feel like a bad person to make you feel bad for making her feel bad.

    If she knows it irritates you and does it any way, she is in a way choosing drugs over you. If you care about her this much, and she does something that she knows irritates you, not to mention illegal, and disrespects you to her friends behind your back, then I don't think she deserves you.

    As the adage goes: you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

    She is not the only girl in the world, and I know there are other girls in the world who don't do drugs and will treat you better than she does.

  3. #13
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    I think there is another way of looking at this. By refusing to acknowledge her hobby (and though she MAY be an addict, seldom are pot smokers addicts, but recreational users), you are refusing to accept something about her...she likes to get stoned. You are forcing her to hide something from you.

    She may genuinely care about you and not want to loose you, but at the same time she doesn't want to give up doing something she enjoys, and shouldn't have to just because you don't like it.

    I'm not necessarily defending her actions, but showing you what SHE may feel like. If you want to keep her, you will probably just have to accept the fact she likes to smoke weed and show her she doesn't have to hide it from you. Relationships with secrets are no relationships at all.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  4. #14
    David_1211 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    We talked about it and she assures me that it's not going to be for the long run. She says that she will "work on it". I never told her that I went through her phone, which like I said I never thought about doing, ever, since I know that will not end well at all. We both agreed to not do things behind each other's backs (sucks that I had to bring that up since I never do or say anything behind hers) and be honest with each other. I much rather know when she is going to do it than have her try and hid it from me, which pisses me off even more.

    I've noticed that every time I go on here to talk about a girl that I'm dating it gives me a whole different perspective and I always end up making the right decision. I'll keep thinking about it for a little longer and see how things go. If I feel like she still is trying to hide things from me and not be truthful then I will end it.

    Much appreciated.

  5. #15
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    it sounds like you're judgy. this is good and it's bad. it's good cuz you know what you want. it's bad because your view can be limiting.

    personally when people have problems i make it a point to not address the problems. instead i persuade them to adapt to my personality by keeping the energy to my level.

    example: if she likes watching tv all day everyday on the couch or computer i give in for a bit to find out her interests--and then i start to pull away from that habit. i make it a point that i'm active and that i'm seeking new things to keep my life interesting as what she might find on tv. life is interesting to watch especially someone else's... but sometimes it's better to live your own.

    a better way of explaining this example is to use the push pull method with a mix of preselection (with other women or friends whom you both know). the more you are actively seeking other things to do outside of these bad habits you might not be interested in the more you know that she's willing to join you or she's willing to just sit there and be a home body. eventually you should be asking yourself if this is what you want or if you should start seeking new people to be with socially.

    you can't change her--but you can show her what you're all about. never make it about how she's doing something wrong--you're only getting into more unneeded drama that you knew existed in the first place. the more you introduce and successfully use the push and pull tactics within social circles of actively pursuing things outside of her habits that are socially acceptable and generally fun the more you can not only gauge her as apart of your relationship but also where you want to take your relationship for the future.

    regardless of her saying something like 'its not forever' it means that theres nothing more interesting to make her want to change. so--be the change and inspire it. don't force it. give her exciting options. be a salesman--don't be a pushy boyfriend.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  6. #16
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    What she says doesn't mean a damn thing, what she DOES is what matters. Something like this isn't something she should have to "work on". You either choose to do it or you don't. I used to be a big pothead, and hell if I could I would still smoke every now and then, but I quit pretty much over-night because it was getting in the way of my pursuit of an education and a useful skill set.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  7. #17
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by Blistex View Post
    What she says doesn't mean a damn thing, what she DOES is what matters. Something like this isn't something she should have to "work on". You either choose to do it or you don't. I used to be a big pothead, and hell if I could I would still smoke every now and then, but I quit pretty much over-night because it was getting in the way of my pursuit of an education and a useful skill set.
    ^^^ another form of push pull... life was pulling interests into other things besides drugs...

    if you think about the real reason why people do drugs--its because it kills a lot of time. when someone is drugged up--usually they're out of it for a long duration. when you're not busy and have time to kill--you're going to do something that easily exciting and stimulating within reach and not a lot of time and energy put into it. you as her partner in the relationship need to sell the idea that there are other things to do by inviting her out to things that will emotionally and physically stimulate her and challenge her.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #18
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    ^^^ another form of push pull... life was pulling interests into other things besides drugs...

    if you think about the real reason why people do drugs--its because it kills a lot of time. when someone is drugged up--usually they're out of it for a long duration. when you're not busy and have time to kill--you're going to do something that easily exciting and stimulating within reach and not a lot of time and energy put into it. you as her partner in the relationship need to sell the idea that there are other things to do by inviting her out to things that will emotionally and physically stimulate her and challenge her.
    This is completely true, drugs are a means of recreation, NOT a lifestyle. It is okay to get stoned every now and then and watch a movie. It is okay to be stressed, or suffer from depression and use mushrooms or LSD in a spiritual setting to help discover more about the path ahead of you, to learn more about yourself. To discover.

    There are times and places for these things, and living them as a lifestyle is not something to partake in, at least for me.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple


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