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Thread: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

  1. #1
    David_1211 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    I need help fast guys.

    Coming up on a 3 month relationship with my gf. She knows I find smoking weed and doing drugs very unattractive. Now, I know this will sound a little ridiculous but I looked through her phone because I know she hangs out with friends that are a bad influence. I feel terrible for doing this and have never done it but I care too much about her and our relationship and had a feeling she was talking and doing stuff behind my back.

    I found out that she talks crap about me to her friends and brother who also does a lot of drugs and when she sees the chance she tries to get a hold of drugs (like weed, and different types of pills). She also likes to smoke too and I find that very unattractive and disgusting.

    She's such a great girl and I hate that I look down upon her bad habits like that.

    How can I make her stop for me?? What should I do??

    Thank you!

  2. #2
    CapPickup is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    Listen, it's not your fault. It's disgusting and unattractive it's not your fault that you hate it.

    First try to figure out what's wrong, why she's doing it or if she has any problems she can't deal with and then try to help her.
    If, however, she seems to do it for the sole purpose of fun or feeling good tell her to STOP it, look her straight in the eyes and tell her that you don't like it and she needs to stop it and go to rehab.

    If she asked you "how did you find out?" ignore it.

    What if she don't wanna stop doing drugs? Walk away from that relationship and never look back, you don't deserve a girl who talks crap about you and does drugs. Look at her straight in the eye
    "It's a shame, we could have been happy together" or something like that.

  3. #3
    MajorThird is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    I'm a big pro of recreational drug use. Some pills can be very addictive; cannabis can be psychologically addictive, but i know a lot of people that successfully use a lot of drugs for their own pleasure (and also some of the comfort of the people that have to deal with them in the case of some cannabis users). Also, doing drugs together can be realllllly awesome. Not every drug user is a drug addict, and not all habits are problems. So... i would really encourage you to try to have an open mind about this.

    If you really don't like it, it could be a deal breaker, but that's YOUR thing, not hers.

    That being said: If she's a problem user, and you can't help her: get out. Her lying about it, isn't nice, but do know that your judgemental attitude pushes her in that direction. So again: be careful with judgement!

    Her lying to you, and talking trash behind your back certainly could be a dealbreaker in and of itself (with or without drugs). But again: before you judge, you checked out her phone, didn't you? So...

  4. #4
    Fire Eater is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    I understand your reservations. If she talks crap about you behind your back then I think it shows a lack of respect.

    From what you say, she knows you don't like it. I think you should be honest with her, and let her know how uncomfortable it makes you, because you care about her. If she is an addict, I think she should get help.

    If she knows it really makes you that uncomfortable, and combined with the lack of respect she shows talking smack behind your back, then is the relationship really worth continuing?

  5. #5
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    Smoking and drug use is a deal breaker for me, I don't care how hot she is. You've been with this girl for three months, that's not a long time, but maybe you want to help her, maybe you want to save her, just know it will take an incredible amount of work and time. My suggestion would be to sit down and have a very frank talk with her.Tell her that you do not like the drug use, tell her she is a great girl and she doesn't need that in her life, tell her you would like to help her kick the habit.If she is resistant (and she will be) put it on the line and tell her straight out that if she doesn't stop it's over between you two. If she decides to end it then, as hard ad it might be, move on. I have always agreed with the PUA creed of "always leave girls better then you found them" and I think it's important for us to work at that, but sometimes we just can't .....Good Luck

  6. #6
    danamayo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    I just had the same problem. i had a gf who was doing harder drugs. it took a real toll on the relationship, with the lying and disrespect. We had been together for years. it was hard to watch something self destruct right before your very eyes. even someone who you fell in love with. word of advice. let her go. don't look back. If they are going downhill you can't be brought down too because there is only so much you can do when dealing with people who have a drug addiction. they have to hit rock bottom to realize what is going on

  7. #7
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    Bimmer is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    "She's a great girl"... dude, no she's not. She bad mouths you behind your back, that's reason to split in my mind.
    I wish I was little bit taller
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    I would call her - Skee Lo, the OG AFC

  8. #8
    David_1211 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    Thank you all for the responses. I talked to her this morning and told her that I was having trust issues and that I feel like she is going behind my back knowing that I do not like it whatsoever. She tells me that she told me that what I see is what I get but I didn't know it would be this big of a deal. She says that she feels like I'm trying to control her and that she is always paranoid because she doesn't want me to smell smoke off of her and that that is one if the reasons why she hasn't felt "horny" or very affectionate lately. I'm not trying to be controlling because I know that that kills attraction.

    She says that since I've made it a bigger deal she feels like smoking even more. How am I suppose to take that? She says she still enjoys it and that this is the first time that she feels like she is a bad person and so on because I tell her how much it irritates me.

    Should I tell her that I went through her phone because I needed to know of she was doing stuff behind my back? I'm really attached here guys and don't want to lose her. There's really more good in her than bad and I know that I will never find someone perfect and that I need to stop focusing on people's imperfections or else I will never be happy.

    Thank you again, guys.

  9. #9
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    If you don't want to lose her DO NOT tell her you went through her phone !!!!

  10. #10
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    Default Re: My girlfriend does drugs. Help.

    NEVER go through her phone or computer or whatever else.
    That screams "insecure" & makes you look like a psycho.

    If you feel like you have to go through her stuff, you need to get a different girl & do some growing up yourself.

    Don't settle for a drug user if drugs bother you.
    Period.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.


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