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Thread: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

  1. #11
    MajorThird is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    Thanks for taking my post so open minded. (-: Also, do feel free to take my opinion with a grain of salt. But... i've reread a little to find cue's for neediness. I see it basically in two things:

    You say she's taken you on an emotional roller coaster. She could only have done that if you let her. I concluded that you let her come a bit too close and thereby you've given her power over you. That's what happens if a girl notices you like her more than she likes you. Or maybe she really does like you, but she's just shit-testing you. Either way, it is possible only by her knowing that you care a lot. Good thing in itself, but probably a turn-off to her.

    Secondly, by your overal tone and choice of words, this seems to really bother you. Again: this is good, it means you care about her, but i concluded from that that you really 'need' that girl [to feel good].

    While writing this (and rereading your original post), i started thinking how this may be just her shittesting you. She may just be saying it to see if you're scared away easily. What do you think would happen if you just go for it. Agree that she's in no shape to have a boyfriend, IN WORDS. And then just go for it? Just a thought...

    And imvho, the makeup sex joke is funny... but perhaps a bit needy if you don't own it for a 120%. It would depend on your style of humour, and what you feel you can get away with. Perhaps i'd joke about what adventures i'd been on in the time she was away. Say you liberated a hot princess from an evil dragon (i bet she will kick in the open sexual door here for you). Just some banter verbally. And escalate in any other way...

    But be careful with that heart of yours!!

  2. #12
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    Im sorry i like the gorl! Is that honestly such a bad thing?

    But im sticking to my guns and if she really
    liked the way I treated her then she will call me.

    But just for future reference how do I not show a girl that I like her more than she likes me?

    In the end I still want to be a gentleman, thats how I was raised.

  3. #13
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    Not only do you sound needy but you sound like you have oneitis. You have made it clear you have some value but it doesnt sound like you believe it. What i mean is that if you believe you are the best guy out there why would it be so easygo catch you? If you were a guy full of social and financial wealth you have the value of an HB10. Why settle so easily if you have so much value? If you believe your worth is great why are you swinging your emotions left and right for someone who isn't chasing you? Why are you chasing them? You need to ask yourself more questions than you do in pursuing. Your value system is blinding you in your goals as well as what is worth your time and effort.

    If you want her to chase you give mixed signals and throw her off. Instead of being the one early for a date--be late or flake the day of. Change it up to being the hot chick in the relationship. Be powerful by owning and leading the relationship. It can be a tough role to play but if she wants you--she will run to you.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  4. #14
    MajorThird is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    Artandale puts it more clearly than i could, but i still want to pitch in:

    It's not a bad thing you want her. It's neither good or bad, it's just a fact. But it's a bad thing that you seem so eager to show her. It's not bad in the ways you fear, it's simply bad because it'll have an undesirable effect: You'll look unattractive. It's not morally wrong or anything, it's just counter-productive.

    She's pushing you away and it drives you crazy. Think about how effective that works. Can you see that?

    Seeing her "strategy" is one way to see what you can do to not come across too eager. Other ways are well explained by guys like Mystery. He talks about disqualifying and negging. Both are tools to make it seem to her that you're going to be fine without her. Mystery even told his students to say early in an approach: "If i weren't gay, you'd be so mine". It's something like what your target says: "I hate boys and don't want a boyfriend". It's a clear push, and i think you 'd have to agree: it works...!!

    Having/mentioning other girls is another great way. You don't have to literally get her insanely jealous, but it will work to show her she's going to have to work if she wants to get with you.

  5. #15
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    artandale you never fail to disappoint me, thanks again, you too majorthird!

    its been almost a week now and still no phone call

    i feel like im doing the right thing by letting her contact me but its hurting me a lot right now.

    i just need a few more things cleared up...

    1. i know how to disqualify and neg but if you are seeing a girl for long enough wouldnt those 2 have to come to a stop and you want to show her you want to be with her and only her at this time in your life?

    2. i know i mentioned this before but i still dont know where to go with it, major third you said i need to show her she's going to have to work if she wants to get with me. well, if she calls me back how do i make her work if she wants to be with me? cause i am done chasing her, im done playing games and getting teased. how do i tell her this without coming across as a di*k?

    3. artandale, how do i hide the fact that i really like a girl? a lot of girls tell me im so nice (even though i still get laid so im not friendzoned). idk what it is that i do, i take them out to dinner or lunch, i neg them but in a joking way where they always laugh and respond with "hahah i hate you."

  6. #16
    MajorThird is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    I think the point you mean in your point-1, is after you've won her over completely. More importantly, it will not help winning her over.

    I'm confident you'll do fine as far as your question-2 is concerned. Just like you say: Don't be a dick, just don't chase, don't play (her) games. If she proposes to meet on a moment you have other stuff, don't reschedule but propose a later date. Don't meet close to her so you have to do all the effort to meet. Stuff like that.

    As for your third question, i better leave that to artandale indeed, but start of by not expressing your unconditional love and support for her. ;->

  7. #17
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    winning her over is not really possible. you can attract her attention and effection but you can never have it fully present unless you both have gone through many--many life hardships. you will have to continue to game her even while being mutually attached to each other. if you fail to keep her attracted she'll just find something else or someone else to keep her attention. never give up if you're invested. by being invested it doesn't mean oneitis. being invested simply means you're committed. you still have to define things with her in regards to your relationship--so talk about it with her. judge her but don't let it get in the way of the relationship. if she's not recipercating you should start to show signs of disinterest as if you are searching. thats why pre-selection is powerful. if she knows other girls are chasing you then she'll work at it. if that hurts her then work it out but never give her all the power--a relationship is all about balance. you have to work at it.

    to make her work towards and in the relationship you simply have to do 2 things. 1 define hoops in which she should be able to jump through that aren't complex or too demanding. be a sales man and make it worth her while. for example if you were going to give her kino--she should smile more, laugh more and give you more eye contact... you can build hoops in other ways to establish trust, comfort and that intimate zone. if you haven't figured out how or what you're looking for then you need to ask yourself these things. let yourself figure out what those things are but don't be afraid to tell her thats what you're expecting in a happy relationship. don't tell her she needs to do it to be with you but you have needs and wants too.

    as for hiding your feelings... i have to ask--why? how will hidiging your feelings be a positive thing? if you have an answer great! but make sure that it's got purpose in the relationship. on my personal opinion i don't hide things--i try to be honest and genuine so its hard for me to hold back. in my experience if you tend to be honest the less people around you will be angry at you for it. at the very most that happens is that people will either be 100% comfortable with it or the complete opposite. in reality everyone wants honesty--but when they get that dose of honesty they freak out. women who've been around the block in social situations will freak out but will eventually come to and see you for what you're worth and honesty to a woman is everything. men tend to handle honesty a lot harder and try to pick at everything like a puzzle so honesty never really matters. i've known guys who say they want it but always have their own mind made up regardless of hearing the honest opinions or facts. i see it in my friends a lot--most of them now i can't even consider them friends because they aren't honest people who wear it like i do. if your honesty is upfront and clear with intent women will known how you gauge you from the start. if you start to show signs that differ from that starting point the more work you have to do to maintain your frame.

    now--to address your feelings with the girl outside of just being honest--you need to show purpose with your honesty and feelings. if you're trying to figure out how to avoid the friend zone with a girl you like and she calls you nice--joke about it in a flirtatious manner. if she only sees you as this friend but you don't want to go down that path then make it clear that you're looking. you don't have to do it right then and there. preselection, kino and your words can help break through. you have to put yourself out there for her to understand your intentions. the older you get the more you tend to not be able to tolerate because you can tell its going to be a waste of time.

    remember to be a gentleman who is interested in a girl is to put yourself out there so she can reciprocate or not. you cannot decide for her--you can flirt with her and see if she's willing to at least think about it. the more you flirt with her the more comfortable you both should be in knowing where things are going either in the framing of an intimate relationship or a friend zone relationship. remember its always a push pull for when you've put yourself out there even with honesty. keep her on her toes so she can develop more questions about you in her life. the more these ideas are painted into her head the less work you'll have to do because she'll be chasing you if you can read her properly and put yourself out there and calibrate.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  8. #18
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    as for hiding your feelings... i have to ask--why? how will hidiging your feelings be a positive thing?
    I didnt really mean it like that...you said that i liked this girl more than she liked me so how can i prevent myself from making this mistake again? would that be hiding my feelings if i really like a girl and hold back from showing her how i really feel?

    sorry, im just trying to get a grip on this lol

  9. #19
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    anyone? i thought about it a little more and i caught feelings for this girl and i guess i showed that i did and that was a turnoff for this girl. so i guess my question is how do i not make that mistake again?

  10. #20
    Grey2fox is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    Everybody at some point come across a woman that rile them up ever so badly. They get hooked like a bad drug. It happens and non of us are immune to it. Fun and Flirty vibes with the women. Don't lose your cool around them. Always show them you're in control of your emotions and are stable. That fun and happy vibe will attract people around you because we're like vampires, we want to suck on those vibes and feel good too. The more people around you and suddenly you got the social proof. Play it cool and stave of oneitis.


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