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Thread: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

  1. #1
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    I need some help guys, my mind is pretty messed up right now, I just need some type of direction.

    I don't know if I fall for the wrong girls but I seem to fall for broken girls, girls who have been cheated on or have been emotionally damaged. idk what it is but I feel the need to help/save them, I just feel so bad/angry at the fact someone would do that to a girl, like right now im with such a nice girl with a loving family but shes been hurt so many times it seems like shes pushing me away and I dont want that, I dont want her to get hurt again by falling for the wrong guy again because the right one is sitting there right in front of her (Me!!!).

    Some told me she is just messing with me because she knows shes hot, but I don;t think that is true, I can see it in her face she has really been hurt in the past.

    But, shes sending me on an emotional rollercoaster right now. She wants me to do do everything a boyfriend is/does but doesn't want a boyfriend. I had to deal with her ex's but they are out of the picture now, but every time I'm with her I hear something about how she hates boys, doesn't want a boyfriend, doesn't know if she can ever love again, etc.

    Is it true that she really could be so hurt she just needs more time to herself?

    I want to wait but I can't keep doing this. RIght now we are on a "break," I told her she needs to take some time to herself, and when she wants to talk I'll be here for her.

    3 Days, still no phone call/text. I just don't know what to do if/when I get that call.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    MajorThird is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    I'm just a beginner (in exactly the opposite spot from yours i guess). But to me it sounds like you want something steady from her, and she wants the exact opposite right now. So to answer one of your questions: yeah, if she got hurt, she 's probably not looking for somebody to trust.

    She just came out of a ltr, got hurt a bunch of times and you're asking her for some kind of commitment - does that sound right? Also, from what i gather, you've been rewarding her playing the victim role with everyting you got. I wouldn't be surprised if that made her exaggerate if even just a little. Even nice girls can be attention whores. You can go at it, and try to deal with it, but only do so if you feel you're in control... right now... not so much i think...

    If i were you, i'd focus on having fun with this girl (and possibly other girls just to show you're a sexual guy with desires and options). You don't have to fix her. If you try, you 'll push her away. (It's not your job either but that's really irrelevant.)

    That roller coaster doesn't really sound like some extraordinary thing this girl does to you. You're just falling for her. You worry about your own heart first, before you start thinking of helping other people.

    Good luck, and keep us posted!

  3. #3
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    You have already written what you should say to her "lately it seems like you are pushing me away and I don't want that to happen, I don't want you to get hurt again by falling for the wrong guy because the right guy is sitting right here in front of you. I will never hurt you" ..... now you can text her that after a few days of a freeze out but I think it would be much more effect live and in person ,...... Good Luck

  4. #4
    MajorThird is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    ^^ Quick reply. I keep disclaiming that i'm not an experienced expert, but to put it like that (as drgnsfire12 suggests) sounds VERY needy to me....

    I think that as long as she doesn't actually believe you're the right guy for her [now], you'll come across as pushy and needy.

  5. #5
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    ABSOLUTELY NOT,.... how is telling a girl I'm the right guy for you and I'll never hurt you needy ?!?!?!?!

  6. #6
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    idk how that sounds needy either, maybe i just dont see it.

    i want to be happy with this girl and i understand she needs her space but then why is she throwing me around like this if she doesnt want a boyfriend? i met her whole family.

    i mean i have fun with her but im not gonna be prince charming to a girl if were just gonna remain "a thing"

    if i were to go hand out with another girl or go out to a party shed get mad at me cause there are girls there, thats what a girlfriend does.

    im just confused and hate feeling like this

  7. #7
    Grey2fox is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    Although it's great to tell the girl you are there for her but don't make the same mistake I did. 2 months ago I had to run away from a similar situation. This girl is beyond bipolar and I diagnosed her myself! She moves through bad depression where she's happy in 1 hour and crying in the next. She went into a loveless relationship.

    I said I'd be there for her and we hung out almost everyday including after work and weekends. We did all the bf/gf stuff except for sex. We had good rapport. So when it came to make my move? She said her bandmate (the guy who turned her down and just wanted a FWB) has now changed his mind. So there I was, in an empty desert alone with a tumble weed rolling by. She got the best of both world and so did that guy. She formed an emotional relationship with me and a physical one with that guy. I got nothing in return.

    I walked away and never looked back. I wish that guy the best of luck because that girl was beyond psycho and I seem to be attracted to broken girls too. Anyway my point is this, you're walking on a thin line here and whatever you decide then the outcome is not your fault no matter how bad it is.

    You can tell her this (borrowed from the forum) "I could be the best thing that ever happened to you and you're going to rob that chance from yourself?" If she says yeah then walk away.

  8. #8
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    grey2fox you make a very good point.

    right now i feel the need to call her, its been like 4 days now sonce we talked but she snapchatted me wishing me a happy 4th of july, so she can do that but cant call me? hmmm.

    but my real gut feeling is if she really wants/likes me shell call. so im gonna keep waiting.

  9. #9
    MajorThird is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    Good job, Johnnybob62. To a certain amount, i think time is on your side right now (although patience has been one of my biggest curses, especially with girls). I think pretty much anything you intend to say to this girl has a very high chance of coming across as needy. Because by the sound of it: you are kinda needy. No offense of course, but from what i make of it, you're in the danger zone of falling for this girl.
    Trying to tell her how important it is [for the both of you] to get together sounds futile from my point of view. I think waiting her out a little does you good. When you do talk to her, make a light hearted joke, avoid serious topics unless maybe if she brings them up. Do keep it sexual and teasing.

    In her absence, focus on your inner game. Right now you seem pretty worried about the outcome of all of this. See if you can reinforce a frame of outcome independence and unreactiveness. Watch some Tyler Durden if you have the time.

    Good luck!!

  10. #10
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Please Help! I need to get my mind strait.

    how do i come across as needy? not taking it as an insult i just wnat to know so i can be aware of it and correct myself. i feel what i did wasnt that bad, im not gonna be prince charming to this girl and meet her family and stuff if she still is still maybe looking for someone better out there.

    what would be an example of a light hearted joke if and when she calls me?

    what would be a good way to sexually tease? "oh i guess it time for makeup sex now?" lol


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