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  1. #1
    lafamilia is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Question Need help with girl that was/is attracted but acts hard to get/not interest

    Hello guys,


    I need some advice regarding one girl that I see very often and that is/was obviously attracted to me. I noticed her being around me often, although we werent talking that often. We had smalltalk sometimes and there I noticed her laughing very loud about things that werent that funny for example. Also I noticed her looking at me often, sometimes staring at me and when I looked at her she was looking away. So yeah we had a walk sometimes and it was fun, we where at the same party sometimes and sooner or later she would approach me. We hugged and so on but for me it looked like she wanted a relationship what I wasnt interested in at that time. So yeah we talked sometimes and it still was fun. One day she wrote me something trivial via fb, we chatted a bit, got her number and texted her. I was sure she was totally into me and my attitude that I dont want a relationship changed because I really liked her too. Wrote her good night texts and she was investing pretty much, writing very long text messages.


    Then something changed, it got weird and a bit creepy. I normally dont have that much time for texting and I got the impression that she was unhappy with that and mad when I wasnt writing her but was online to arrange things or answer messages. But at a point I think I came off needy and wrote her too much/often. Then at the weekend I was out partying and was offline for about 12 hours, wrote her the next day and she was a bit unwelcoming and wasnt investing so I stopped investing too because normally girls text me and I dont have time for things that arent making me happy. So yeah when I saw her in rl later I greeted her and wanted to give her a hug but she rejected it and was pissed off, I just said "ok bye" and left her staying there. From that point I was wondering whats wrong, things got more strange and I ignored that bullshit. I saw her putting whatsapp statuses like "hope is an asshole" and "blabla understanding men isnt possible blabla" so I texted her if she eventually wants to tell me something and so on. She acted clueless so I asked her directly if she is kinda into me, she said no and reacted aggressive and bitchy. I told her why I thought that and so on and that I wanted to make things clear, she said she writes with much guys, has another guy and so on. Then at another party I had the feeling she wanted to get my attention which I didnt gave her because the whole thing was pretty much over for me as she said she isnt into me. Then she started hugging other guys, trying to make out with other guys while looking at me. I gave her no attention to that, ignored it. The next day her status was like „now youre just somebody I used to know“.


    My problem with this situation is that I really liked her and she was one of the rare cases where I were able to even think about a relationship. But then there was and is all this bitchy attention seeking behaviour that pisses me off. I think I know why she does this but if Im honest I dont know how to get out of this fucked up situation. My theory is: Secretly she was a bit in love, then I got her number, she had hope and got hooked but was disappointed when she realized that I have other things to do and she doesnt get that much attention. She didnt invested that much anymore, I stopped it too. That made her even more angry at me, she wanted to make me jealous, didnt worked. Now shes acting like its over for her too.


    Here are some informations that could be important too: Im above-average looking (do alot of fitness but I dont wanna come off arrogant), have a high self-esteem and I am pretty dominant. My attitude to life is that I do my thing and dont care about what others say. Making me feel insecure is nearly impossible, so these shit tests weren`t successfull. She is a 7/10 and I would say she isn´t as confident as I am.


    Thank you for reading this very long text, I really appreciate your help. As you can see even if I am ignoring her bullshit games I still want her but I really don`t know how to get out of this situation.
    I`m sorry for my bad english as I am not a native english speaker. So should I next her?
    I hope you guys can help me with this problem.


    Thank you very much and have a good day
    lafamilia

  2. #2
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with girl that was/is attracted but acts hard to get/not inte

    I think you need to spend less time thinking women work a certain way. If you want her game her. You've kept yourself a little unpredictable by breaking rapport but you keep repeating this pattern instead of building rapport. Rebuild that comfort level--ignore the past and if she confronts you then be forward--reframe yourself as if you had things to do and she is t a priority.

    You also seem to think everything is about you--stop reading into it. You're only setting yourself up for oneitis.

    Make her chase you. Give her small hoops to jump through that are playful. Be of the mindset that the past is the past--you're just here to have fun. If she really doesnt wan anything to do with you she would walk away from you. You can be direct but i'd suggest to rebuild that connection that you destroyed via whatsapp.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    lafamilia is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with girl that was/is attracted but acts hard to get/not inte

    Thanks for your advice, this helped me already. I thought my inner game was already nice but I figured out that this OneItis thing is really a problem. I always have some girls that I like, some girls I have contact with but where I dont invest at all and one girl that is special and I have to change that. I think its because I never was completely happy in a relationship so I imagine the perfect relationship and then it always gets strange. Your post helped me to figure that out I really appreciate that.

    So now I dont want this girl as much as before, but still I think she is attractive and so on.
    How should I rebuild attraction/comfort? Stop texting, only talk to her in rl, when I am sure time is ready ask for a date and so on is what I would do. Whatsapp really is shit and creepy if you arent very comfortable with the other person thats the next thing I learned. But f-closing wont be a problem anyways if I finally cure this oneitis shit. I think I will keep it slow and in a month or so I will put effort into really gaming her again (and then I will be having a sixpack which makes it very easy with younger girls).

  4. #4
    Naughty Napoleon's Avatar
    Naughty Napoleon is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help with girl that was/is attracted but acts hard to get/not inte

    Since you are able to meet her in person, I think you should just talk to her about this..about why you don't have time to give her so much attention but you wish you do.

    Ask for her understanding...

    She will glad you did and will adjust her behaviour towards you too...

    My opinion is coming from a heart that truly love women, even she's a 7, I always be honest to women, try to understand them & ask for their understanding.

    By doing so, you will have a more fulfilling life with women and people in general.


    Hope this help
    Naughty Napoleon

  5. #5
    lafamilia is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with girl that was/is attracted but acts hard to get/not inte

    Yeah I would do that but within the last time I dont see her that often anymore, I think she is trying to go out of my way. I didnt mentioned she is on my school so that may help. In class she looks over her shoulder (to me), then does things with her hair and stuff. The girls sitting next to her arent doing this. Since I stopped investing in her she changed her whatsapp status like 3 times a day, always with this girly heart broken stuff. She changed her picture aswell not only one time. She dresses up as if she would be going out.

    This whole situation is going on my nerves. As I dont see her that often anymore and so I don`t really have a chance to talk to her, also she always carrys her best friend with her. I already thought about this Oneitis thing and included the solutions for this into my inner game.

    I dont know if this sounds like im interpreting too much again/still but that`s what happens in rl (she looking at me and stuff).

    I really need a solution that is not "you see her often blabla talk to her" but at this moment I need like a little guide because I really dont know what to do. I still think she has interest, even when I farked up the whole thing via whatsapp by asking her if she is into me she would respond with kinda appropriate messages. If a girl would ask me that I wouldnt be reacting like that, I would tell her yes or no and either date her or tell her I have no interest. The morning after this farked up chat she wrote me, letting me know that some parts weren`t written by her which is pretty trivial.

    So, call her, continue not writing her, text her, next her? I want to lay her but really don`t know what to do. I sound like a douche I know and this is unusual for me and keeps me wondering. Writing her would come off needy/beta because I would need to build comfort before making plans for a date but otherwise not having contact wont lead to a lay because I think she won`t contact me. I got the impression that she is too scared to show what she feels, goes out of my way because of that and just tries to forget everything. That may be because nearly everyone who see`s me feels this power of not giving a fark and doing my thing. So I get respected by other people and as I already mentioned I have a lots of friends. It may be possible that she is scared I would make fun of her being in love with me because she also knows I can be a real asshole if someone isn`t respecting me or if someone tries verbally or physically wants to fight me. Also it could be because girls often call me a player or playboy - maybe she don`t wants to get hurt... I don`t know.

  6. #6
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with girl that was/is attracted but acts hard to get/not inte

    Mehhhh

    I think you're not taking enough risks to see what she's really worth if you don't wantto talk to her in person infront of her friend. Be bold and friendly with her. Don't shy away because a friend is with her. If i wanted a girl enough i'd flirt with her infront of her friends. If you aren't putting yourself out there even with her friends around she would tend to think you're not socially confiendent around people if you keep hittjng her up via text and online. Change it up. Show her that you have a range of social skills in which she should be aware of and warm up to you because she can approach you with a friend or by herself later. Attractive women are hardly alone and if they are they know theres a chance some guy is going to hit on them and she'll put up a b!tch shield. So take the risk and see if she's worth investing. If not--the worst thing that can happen is that you were friendly.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  7. #7
    lafamilia is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with girl that was/is attracted but acts hard to get/not inte

    That wont be a problem because I know her best friend a bit too and we had fun together too. But I think she may be uncomfortable with me hitting on her in front of her best friend especially if she really is into me. She already showed that bitch shield when I wanted to hug her, I ignored it.

    So I see there arent many other options, but the whole situation is weird and if she is hurt I will have to work hard to build comfort again and make her believe I wont hurt her. Fuckbuddys isn`t an option either if she is really into me, that would hurt her even more.

    I hardly ever call girls, but in this case this seems like an option to me. But I dont have experiences with this, would you recommend this? We didnt talked for some days, so it would be a bit creepy. I can understand her that all this is fucking confusing to her, one time I text her, then get her number, text her much (too much), then stop texting. Then investing again...

  8. #8
    artandale's Avatar
    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with girl that was/is attracted but acts hard to get/not inte

    You need to befriend the friend. Give your target some interest until the close but spend your time building rapport with the friend. Qualify yourself. Show that you aren't intimidated and have good intentions. Show ioi's to your target too.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  9. #9
    lafamilia is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with girl that was/is attracted but acts hard to get/not inte

    That sounds good, thank you. I am so confused, my theory was that she wants to forget me -> her status now is "can't forget you". I have some time on sunday and want to meet her, when she flakes or says again that she has another guy I won't be mad because I already have another meeting with a girl then... So, text her shortly some funny messages but come to the "asking out point" fast or call directly? I think this whole build comfort thing isn't the best solution if she really is hurt and not happy but in love as everything looks like that. I mean like I wasn't creeping her out most of the time, she sent messages where she told me where she was going when she will be back again, that she leaves her phone at home, instantly texted when she was back home and so on. Give texting another try? Will be the last one.

  10. #10
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    artandale is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help with girl that was/is attracted but acts hard to get/not inte

    ... None of my advice says anything about texting. Change things up. Don't just stick to texting / social media. You want to show her you are comfortable in person. Take risks. Stop over thinking things and think that your game is solid and try things. Do not be afraid to fail. Failure is a gift. Trust yourself to pull yourself out of the fire zone and turn it into your stomping grounds. Being safe means taking no risks and getting little rewards.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.


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