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Thread: Help needed with HB9 from high school

  1. #1
    666
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    Default Help needed with HB9 from high school

    Hey guys

    I have a bit of a situation for which I need some advising, or simply a view from someone else's perspective. It might turn out to be a lengthy story as I feel like I need to cover the background so you could fully understand what's going on.

    I am 19 years old, never been too successful with women, obviously I've had a couple of girls in my life that I've been close with, but never had a girlfriend and never f-closed. Much of it is down to reasons of my own. I have always kind of felt that if I wanted to, I could easily approach a group, I can keep a conversation going if needed and generally I think I'm not too awful. I do not think about myself as good looking, but a few girls have told me I look hot or handsome. Might be a matter of taste.

    Anyway, I just graduated from high school, and there was this HB9 and whenever I saw her, walked past her, she kept looking at me, mostly from the corner of her eye, but I am sure she always looked. I had never talked to her, I did once wink towards her, but it had no outcome. She's two years younger than me.

    Having graduated, I realized I might never see her again and that maybe I should contact her, just to see what happens. So exactly a week back I decided to contact her on Facebook as I knew her name. So I sent her a message, which was in another language, so every quote I type here is a rough translation.

    Me: Ciao! I hope you know who this is, anyway I had planned to talk to you at school at some time, but I kept seeing you at inconvenient times so I never had the chance and I doubt that I ever happen to be at that school anymore. I'm 666 [changed] and I'd like to know what kind of a person you are

    After I wrote that, I closed my computer and went off to sleep. Next morning I saw that she had messaged me 4 minutes after my message.

    Her: Hey! Sadly I haven't heard your name before. But maybe by face. But very nice that you're writing

    There was a festival going on at the time and I realized she was there, so it was sort of an inconvenient time to talk. We swapped few messages, but nothing remarkable because of the timing.

    Question 1: How was my opening? Should I have tried to talk to her more?

    The next day I saw her, totally by suprise, talking to a mate of mine. I knew the mate was kind of a wuss so no jealousy or anything. After preparing a bit I went up to them and said hi to both my mate and her. I actually had something to talk about with my mate so I did talk to him, with her overhearing the conversation. And she kept on looking at me. While talking to my mate, I occasionally looked back at her, but didn't maintain eye contact for more than 10 seconds. My excuse would be that I was talking to the mate so I couldn't only focus on her, but frankly I was too nervous to keep the eye contact going for longer. After about a minute or two she asked me if my name was 666, and obviously I said yes. She even initiated a handshake with me, in a sort of a nice to meet you way. She apologised about the sweaty palms (it was hot as hell outside), which was kind of sweet. I was sort of in a rush though and within 5 minutes of going up to them I was leaving, told them to take care and enjoy the festival. During the whole interaction it seemed to me as if she never looked away from me.

    Two days later I decided to once again contact her on facebook. I started the conversation at about 6PM. It didn't really get going at first, but after a while it went smoother and we found some mutual ground. I told her 'Let's be friends!' to which she replied 'deal', and facebook friendship was exchanged. Initially she had been kind of busy and on her phone so that explains why it didn't instantaneously get going. Anyway, it turned out (and I already kind of sensed that would be the case) she was a very good, nice, you could say well raised girl. Practically no alcohol and such, so totally different from me, which I also told her. She didn't seem to be too bothered about it though.

    At one point, at about 9:15PM we stumbled upon the topic of weed. She obviously had no experience and told me she stays away from those things, but for her own safety, she might want to know what it does. I told her about my experiences with weed (i'm actually a frequent smoker) and she didn't seem to be too bothered about it, said she is not pro-weed but tolerates the users. I got too carried away on the topic, though, and I talked way too much about weed. Quite frankly I wanted to get that off my chest to see if she was going to be okay with it, but yeah, I went over the line. At one point, at 9:40PM our conversation ended. The last two messages are the following:

    Her: Nearly every person has an addiction of some sort
    Me: Addiction is a bit too strong, but in some sense you're right.

    That's how the conversation ended. She had taken her time to answer beforehand so I didn't realize she wasn't gonna answer this time, FB didn't show the infamous 'seen' thing either and hasn't shown till now, but it occurred to me after about 30 minutes. Then I thought hell with it, and decided not to write anything additional to her to avoid sounding desperate.

    Looking back at it, the whole conversation kind of sucked, because I did not get the chat anywhere emotional and while I was definitely leading the conversation, it was more of forced rather than natural leading. To get the whole thing going I asked a bunch of questions. Basically no funny/flirty shit, was basically doing rapport way too early.

    It's now been 3 days from that conversation. I guess I kind of scared her away with the amount of talking I did about the subject of marijuana. The question is, though, did I scare her too much? Should I message her again some day and try to start over? Or should I forget about her and move on? I'm not obsessed or anything, so if I have to let go, so be it, but given the chance I'd definitely try to get to know her better. I've read alot of the text game the past few days so I'm 100% sure I could do way better now.


    So yeah, that's my story. Her looking at me when she didn't even know me and more so when I actually went up to talk to her really got under my skin. Might be just me, but I think there was something about that look. It was a stare really. It probably got too long and maybe a bit too much in detail, but like I said, I'm new to this. This is my very first post and I want to know what you guys make of my situation.

  2. #2
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help needed with HB9 from high school

    I dont think you scared her away.

    I think you gave her the wrong sign to be a friend unless you want to work through this very messy situation. Cuz now you have to build a friendship before escalating unless she reallly likes you. You can use mixed signals saying you want to be a friend and still escalate but you have to make sure you're putting yourself out there sexually so she knows you're not just a friend--you're a friend who is comfortable with being sexual. This would lead herto believe that you are confident.

    One thing you need to do is build rapport /comfort. Then you need to hang out with her in person. Do not treat each time you see her like she is your friend. Treat her like a girl you've gone on one or two dates before but have kissed or held hands. Escalate with more of a cocky funny attitude where your sexuality is out there as a part of your personality. Tease her and comfort her. Eventually when she starts to smile more or laugh more you should be building your kino up to a kiss.

    When you get to FB messaging her--find out as much as you can. Not like an interview but like an active listening excersise. Everything she says is a cue to her life and personality--look for the nouns in the conversation. These things will help you talk to her and lead a conversation. Those nouns are clues about who she is and things she's done or wants to do. Stay away from yes and no questions if possible--ask questions that challenge her emotionally. Start small and build.

    The more interesting you sound the more she'd be willing to hang out with you. You do not want to be some other guy--be the guy who stands out who never talks about the same things her friends or other guys talk to her about.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  3. #3
    666
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    Default Re: Help needed with HB9 from high school

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    I dont think you scared her away.

    I think you gave her the wrong sign to be a friend unless you want to work through this very messy situation. Cuz now you have to build a friendship before escalating unless she reallly likes you. You can use mixed signals saying you want to be a friend and still escalate but you have to make sure you're putting yourself out there sexually so she knows you're not just a friend--you're a friend who is comfortable with being sexual. This would lead herto believe that you are confident.

    One thing you need to do is build rapport /comfort. Then you need to hang out with her in person. Do not treat each time you see her like she is your friend. Treat her like a girl you've gone on one or two dates before but have kissed or held hands. Escalate with more of a cocky funny attitude where your sexuality is out there as a part of your personality. Tease her and comfort her. Eventually when she starts to smile more or laugh more you should be building your kino up to a kiss.

    When you get to FB messaging her--find out as much as you can. Not like an interview but like an active listening excersise. Everything she says is a cue to her life and personality--look for the nouns in the conversation. These things will help you talk to her and lead a conversation. Those nouns are clues about who she is and things she's done or wants to do. Stay away from yes and no questions if possible--ask questions that challenge her emotionally. Start small and build.

    The more interesting you sound the more she'd be willing to hang out with you. You do not want to be some other guy--be the guy who stands out who never talks about the same things her friends or other guys talk to her about.
    I can tell just by reading that this is golden advice. Thanks pal, and I will most certaintly follow the instructions.

    How long till I should message her again though? The pause has been 3 days, is that enough or should I wait for about a week (or more)?

    Generally I have been quite messy with the C&F and building attraction, flirting, but I have always been good in building rapport. Fortunately now I have PUAForums to help me out with the areas that I'm lacking at

    Thanks for the advice mate.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Help needed with HB9 from high school

    Building rapport shouldnt be your focus. You have comfort with her. The issue is that she isnt exactly chasing you. Give her a day or two to see how she handles it. Jog her memory in 2 to 3 days. Weekends are chill. Use the weather or some kind of social event to inquire her that you thought about her. Don't impy that you wished she wasn hangin out. Use it like its just popping in to say hi. Its a reminder that you exist and that she currently occupies your mind. It doesnt mean shes a priority--its more like it just happened.

    By cueing her like this you are also showing that you dont need to be talking to her everyday. You have your own things to take care of which she probably does too. This is apart of a bonding experience if you dont let time and distance get in the way of connecting. If you go this route you are more likely to build a relationship. If thats not what you want then do not do this often. But for now i think its a good idea to change things up a bit.

    Holding off on hitting her up in a week is also reasonable but it really depends if you are that busy or can hold that abundance mentality so you aren't calling for her attention and escalating too fast. Remember never to freeze her out unless she's totally attracted to you and hitting you up for your attention than you are givig her.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  5. #5
    666
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    Default Re: Help needed with HB9 from high school

    alright, so I figured fark it and wrote her just now. Didn't get a long conversation out of it since she was already in bed & I was on my way to the same destination, but here's the rough translated transcript. Conversation lasted 15 minutes. Please give your thoughts as to how much I sucked.

    Me: Hey, militaristic dance girl [She said earlier she had concidered going to the army & does dancing]

    Her: Hey
    Her: Pretty cool nickname

    Me: You're welcome
    Me: Then again, it's quite precise

    Her: Would like to hope so

    Me: Let's hope so. What's happening this wonderful evening?

    Her: In bed of course. Was thinking of slowly going ashleep.
    Her: Nothing more at this moment
    Her: What about yourself?

    Me: Packed my stuff, read a book and now waiting for tiredness to catch me
    Me: Looking at the time, it's not really that early

    Her: Yep
    Her: Been holding up pretty well so far

    Me: It isn't that late yet

    Her: Quite enough for me

    Me: I see. What's on for tomorrow, that it's enough?

    Her: Gonna work some

    Me: What kind of work are you taking on?

    Her: Going to a place [a specific place, but non-translatable] with some kids

    Me: How many kids do you have

    Her: Can't say for sure
    Her: Everything in this world is relative

    Me: Filosophical night? I've never met a situation where the number of kids would be relative

    Her: Now is the right time for that

    Me: Tell me a bit more about that concept

    Her: I would like to do that
    Her: But I'm too tired to understand what kind of stupid stuff I'm saying

    Me: Someone hasn't taken the filosophical classes [as we went to the same school, common ground I thought]

    Her: Has not happened indeed

    Me: You'll get there
    Me: But I think I'd rather go horizontal myself aswell. Sweet dreams and better have an explanation for tomorrow as to how the number of kids can be relative

    Her: Yeah. I prefer horizontal aswell. Good night!




    Alright, so I know this wasn't the smoothest of conversations, but I really did my best to grab anything she told me and go by it. Could say it didn't go that bad either though, did it? Definitely think I made more good than harm with this conversation. Thoughts? Any improvements you would make? Anything I said wrong?

  6. #6
    artandale's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help needed with HB9 from high school

    ....

    Did you learn anything new about her? If you didnt then you might need to work on leading a bit more. You exchanged back and forth ok but to me i don't know if you were able to challenge her curisosity. She's comfortable with you, but the way it reads you are investing more than she is still.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Help needed with HB9 from high school

    You're definitely not sending the typical lame messages, but start being more direct & flirty.

    Don't go overboard with the cocky stuff. Even "cocky funny" goes a looooong way with just a little bit.

    Start opening up to her on a more personal level. Tell her about some random detail of your day... Example:

    "So check this out; I went to lunch with some friends, and when the waitress came to get our drink order, I noticed she had a mustache. I caught myself staring at it... and when the girl asked what I wanted, I froze up for a moment. I was totally under the spell of her facial hair!

    I didn't want to embarrass her, so I had to use every ounce of willpower to NOT look at the caterpillar under her nose. It was the most difficult thing I endured all week!!

    How was YOUR day?? "


    When you allow yourself to be vulnerable first, it expresses confidence. It also helps HER to drop her defenses. You can build DEEP comfort & rapport with this technique.

    Rapport is necessary to prolong the life of your "interactions / relationship".

    But don't go for rapport until you've built attraction. Doing so will increase your odds of being "friend zoned."


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  8. #8
    666
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    Default Re: Help needed with HB9 from high school

    So the next time I talk to her (probably not before next week, busy weekend coming up) I should build attraction first with cocky & funny, flirt a bit, and then go for rapport when it seems like she has loosened up? Did I get that right?

    The thing with the last conversation is, she didn't really throw me any bones to chew on. In order to be flirty I'm going to need something to start with I think... Hopefully it's just that she was already in bed & tired and I'll be able to get more enthusiasm out of her the next time.

    Artandale, how would I go about learning more in the given conversation? How would you have played it to spark some curiosity?

    T-Mal, sounds like great advice. Gonna try connecting on a personal level the next time.

    Quite frankly I tried to be a little flirty the last time around, but it was difficult because of the timing & the content of her responses. How would you open her up to be more responsive & interested in some playfulness or flirting? To me it seems as if she might be the type of person that doesn't really flirt that much, judging by her amount of intelligence she puts into the conversation. If she gives me something rather philosophical like she did, how would I go about responding to it in a flirtatious way?

    Thanks for the advice guys, I'm loving the learning process and I think she's a good target for experimentation, I really don't mind if I mess up with her.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Help needed with HB9 from high school

    Make your inquiries with her more specific. Make it too hard to just give easy answers.

    Example...
    Instead of : what is your favorite color?
    Try : whats your favorite color on a friday to wear?

    Give your questions some setting as if its apart of a story. Don't cut out the fat ofnit unless she talks like a dude. This way it challenges her emotionally curiosity and engages her interests not just give the answer but also enjoy the challenge because most guys don't actively listen with a give and take. Women tend to be more in this flow because they like the emotional and mental stimulus.

    Going back to the breakdown of my example in regards to asking for her "favorite color to wear on a tuesday"... If you look at the sentence there are 2 nouns and a verb: why is it important? Because these nouns can be talked about in depth.. You can talk about her color or your color and why you like it. You can talk about tuesdays and why theyre good or bad--what days you look forward to most and why or ask her the same thing from there. The verb can be useful too because then it tells you some ofher details of how often she might engage in the activity. Think about it. If she points out 2 or 3 outfits with colors you could talk about which one that is interesting or give her q cold cock funny reqd about her style or mood. Have fun with it.
    Every moment counts, get out of your head and enjoy it.

  10. #10
    666
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    Default Re: Help needed with HB9 from high school

    Quote Originally Posted by artandale View Post
    Make your inquiries with her more specific. Make it too hard to just give easy answers.

    Example...
    Instead of : what is your favorite color?
    Try : whats your favorite color on a friday to wear?

    Give your questions some setting as if its apart of a story. Don't cut out the fat ofnit unless she talks like a dude. This way it challenges her emotionally curiosity and engages her interests not just give the answer but also enjoy the challenge because most guys don't actively listen with a give and take. Women tend to be more in this flow because they like the emotional and mental stimulus.

    Going back to the breakdown of my example in regards to asking for her "favorite color to wear on a tuesday"... If you look at the sentence there are 2 nouns and a verb: why is it important? Because these nouns can be talked about in depth.. You can talk about her color or your color and why you like it. You can talk about tuesdays and why theyre good or bad--what days you look forward to most and why or ask her the same thing from there. The verb can be useful too because then it tells you some ofher details of how often she might engage in the activity. Think about it. If she points out 2 or 3 outfits with colors you could talk about which one that is interesting or give her q cold cock funny reqd about her style or mood. Have fun with it.
    Oh, very well put, I understand what you mean and I'm afraid I wouldn't have figured that out by myself. Makes perfect sense and if anyone asked me similiar questions, I'd also be way more comfortable answering to the question with a specific setting. Thanks for breaking it down in a specific way, kudos to you.


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