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  1. #1
    Stineman is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Not an ex...but relationship stuff help please

    Hey guys,

    So I've been dating this chick for almost a year now. Just so you know this girl is crazy scared of relationships and I really needed to deal with some f-ed up shit-testing to get her to be my gf (she ended up making out with some dude and I was like fuck that, you're going to be my girlfriend and this isn't happening again).

    We were both under a lot of stress recently and after a test I took, and her getting a job offer that will last 6 mo to 1 year that is 5 hours away, really putting a strain on our relationship and putting us both in miserable positions, she flew the coop and broke up with me simply saying "you're not the one." I was pretty reliant on her and I think it drove her away despite her being my gf at the time. Anyways, despite the serious statement, when she came to pick up her stuff she wasn't sure if she made the right decision and agreed, with my pushing, to keep an open mind with me when she moves back around here (pretty guaranteed with her contract). She also got a gig as a counselor for about a month far away too, and that's where she is now.

    The night before she left to be a counselor she spent with me and we went out and had a great time, and she agreed to let me visit her and told me how I was the first guy she could envision marrying (this chick is a heart-breaker and a serious 10, so smart she can get whatever she wants from guys it's unreal). First she was texting a lot with the I love you's and etc. when she had cell service (sparse) but then she stopped as frequently and stopped using pet names. She still had me visit and was crazy excited to see me, but after hooking up that night and into the next morning she said she wanted to date other people in her new city and was getting over me, and it made her anxious that I was getting ideas of being involved in her life. I asked if she was still interested in dating when she came back and there was a surprising immediate yes, and told her I'd adjust my expectations.

    Despite this I decided to just be myself and enjoy her company, and she went on to seem surprised by how great I was and lavish on the compliments but not say ILU. We got very close throughout the day and after hooking up again I asked her why she wouldn't date me and she just said, "I just don't have the answers you're looking for right now." We talked about vacations, and while she alluded to taking one together she was not excited when I came up with specific ideas.

    Later that night we had gotten so close that she was making jokes about marriage between us and what our wedding cake is going to taste like. It was a great night and both of us had a lot of fun. I met her friends but only one of them had known who I was.

    I dropped her off the next morning at her counselor gig and we said our goodbyes, exchanged ILU's, and I made the joke "I remember you saying you were getting over me...stop that!" to which she laughed. She's only called once to chat since because she was crying on some stuff, and I am very emotionally close to her and care for her greatly.

    I am picking her up and driving her back home this friday before she leaves for her new city and start her new job next monday. I want to attempt to pursue dating while she is in her new city - this girl is amazingly important to me - but don't know how to broach the subject because I can't empathize with whatever is going on in her head. We have plans to see a band in late september, so I want to try to get a visit in in August, but she seemed less than enthused about both the concert and me visiting when I last visited.

    What do I do? I want to keep this girl around, and potentially spend my life with her, but she is deathly afraid of commitment and is dealing with a lot emotionally right now (this job is a really big deal for her - which I get - but then why would she want to date other people?). If someone can explain what may be going on in her head, and what I should do, I'd be appreciative no doubt. I get the feeling she is viewing this new city as a new life and won't talk with me at all once she's there, and I really don't want that. Like if I were to just play it cool and in a few weeks ask if she was open for me to visit I have a feeling she would be trying so hard to forget about me that she wouldn't have called at all...maybe I'm wrong and my head is out of whack right now

    PS - just reading this it makes me sound like a fool, I used to clean up but I guess this chick's really got me...

  2. #2
    kylemc is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Not an ex...but relationship stuff help please

    To me from reading its like shes keeping you as the rebound for when shes back in your city while she goes for other guys in her new city, Also you sound like you're needy when you asked why wouldn't she get back with you.

    IMO you should game other girls and forget about your ex as you seem heavily invested in her while she isn't that invested in you and you're turning afc and losing value as you put her at the center of your world
    "A man who stands for nothing, will fall for anything" - Malcom X

  3. #3
    Stineman is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Not an ex...but relationship stuff help please

    So do you think there is anything I can do to recover? Is there anything I can do over the next three days?

    I won't disagree that I was acting AFC while she's been away, but this was a very honest relationship while we were together, and she legitimately had some psychological issues that she could not stay in a relationship and deal with successfully.

    The typical recovery stuff like negging and what-not won't work because of how developed our relationship is, and straight up peacing could unfortunately be the only right move for the next few months until our concert.

    The marriage talk was very off-the-cuff and I don't think she was present-minded enough to use it as a push-pull when it came up (multiple times that night), so if she is the kind of chick that is using that as BS to keep me around she definitely is way too manipulative for me to date or love, but it came off as very genuine and maybe she just needs space to realize what she wants.

    Anybody have any advice on any move this weekend? Seem to have backed myself into a corner


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